I recently came out as transgender to my wife, and so far she's being really great, and emotionally supportive. Even though we both decided (after the fact) that going shopping for my first outfit on the very day I came out was "too soon", she insists that she's totally fine with me shaving my legs and wearing my new clothes around the house. We even made love passionately the other night, and I was afraid it'd be a long time until we did that after my confession. She took my cue and wrote me a letter trying to explain how she feels coherently. It was a really mixed bag, which is of course to be expected. There were things that almost brought happy tears to my eyes ("I meant it when I vowed to death do us part", "I will love you as a woman"), and there were things that brought sad tears ("I'm afraid that I might not ever be as happy as I was again")...to that, I vowed I would prove her wrong, and asked for the chance to do so. I have many accepting friends who are SO fine with it they're already calling me Chloe and successfully switching pronouns..."what a cool world" that makes me think. I do worry how hard it'll hit when my wife hears someone address me by my new name for the first time. A friend of mine said that particular change is hard, but most people tend to adapt fairly quickly, at least the ones who care. Here's hoping. That's become somewhat of a mantra for me lately. I still haven't come out to my dad or brother yet, but those are going to be my last really difficult talks, I hope. That's almost entirely what I'm hanging onto: HOPE. No matter how crappy things ever appear to be right now, I can't forget that this is the better of the two outcomes I was facing. I have to hope that my wife adapts gracefully with her heart intact. I have to hope that my dad and brother can reflect on the life they've watched me live thus far as clearly as my mother has, and realize this all make sense. And, I still have to hope that someday, after all of this, I'll live without shame, regret or fear. Here's hoping.
