I have been out as gay for a while now, but there is something nagging at me. I think I may be genderfluid to a point, sometimes I have fantasies where I am a girl, sometimes I feel really effeminate and people have noticed that I always dress kinda unisex not overly masculine. But then sometimes I just feel like an average guy, its like I am not cisgender all the time and obviously not transgendered all the time. Sorry if this makes no sense
I feel the same way, which is part of the reason why I crossdress. My question is when you say you have fantasies are you talking about sexual fantasies, like when you are masturbating, or is it more like daydreaming during your normal life about being girly?
Well, just so you're aware, it's not unheard of for men or women to have fantasies of being the opposite sex, and not all identify as trans. Also, it's possible to present as masculine, feminine, or somewhere in between and still be cisgender. At the moment, I have a more androgynous presentation, but it's enough so that I'm still labeled as male, which, frankly, is a bit stifling at times. chart-1[1].jpg (image) At the same time, I know of several gay men here who identify as "transgenderfluid" and describe something similar to what you've brought up: fluctuations between male and female identities. One even has a female name for that side, prefers feminine pronouns, and wears the clothes with matching persona. It's really up to what you're most comfortable identifying as. I'd focus less on the cisgender vs transgender internal debate, and go with what feels natural for now. Does it seem like you might be repressing? Do you have any childhood memories? How about desires? For me, a large part came down to strongly identifying and relating to the trans community on EC, trying to fit myself into a gay male box, and feeling worse than I did before. Another transgender member went through a similar struggle in their quest for self-acceptance. Looking back, I've always been fascinated with androgyny, gender, and "bending". There were times I strongly wanted a female body, fantasized about castration and transitioning even before knowing such a thing was scientifically possible, and of course, cross dressing when possible. Trying to fit into a strictly male role was, frankly, exhausting. It feels at time the online community is the only place I'm allowed to be myself, since society still sees binaries only. If you could provide more information, I'm sure more people could give you a more accurate answer. Try not to rush things or box yourself in at this stage (I know, easier said than done, right?)
Actually both ---------- Post added 4th Oct 2013 at 12:52 PM ---------- I have always had a girly streak about me, I have always been into bright colours like pinks and purples for as long as I can remember, when I was a kid I used to like messing with my cousin's Barbie toys (yes I know) I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and he "Isn't surprised" apparently the signs are there, like how I dress kinda unisex, how my style is "far brighter" than a normal guy.How I am an exclusive bottom, how I "don't really care about my penis" since I don't use it he also offered to refer to me using non-gender pronouns to see how it feels. Its also stuff like how I like removing as many hairs as I can from my body, I never let a beard grow, how I sometimes look effeminate and there have been times when I have wanted to be a girl. Isn't that what being genderfluid is, you don't fall as fully trans or cisgender just somewhere on the spectrum that may change
Both, huh? Yeah, me too. I remember when I used to work in a dusty dirty building doing manual labor I would daydream about coming to work in a big poofy blue and white dress. Something about that environment actually made me want to dress up more. It's hard for a guy to dress in anything beautiful. Even if people accept you for being gay or bi they still want you to dress like they expect.
I know, the only person I have talked to is my boyfriend, and he doens't care and wants to support me find this stuff out about myself. This is kinda weird but when I once had sex with him (I am a bottom) and was feeling kinda girly that day I just for a second thought I was a girl it was just bizarre.
If there is a transgender and a cis-gender than it makes sense that there are people in-between. I would not worry too much about it and just be the best male/female you can be. You will settle out more than likely over time. I fought the feeling I was female for years as I had never heard of transgender and was told I was a gay guy with mental problems and dragged to many shrinks by my parents from a early age. You are way ahead of the game as you have EC to help you figure it out in combination with these days lgbt issues are way more known/accepted in society today. Just be yourself and you can't go wrong! June ---------- Post added 4th Oct 2013 at 09:33 AM ---------- This is how I feel most of every day. I totally forget I look like a guy when I am busy at anything or my mind is at idle. Then reality hits till I forget again. I would not worry, but enjoy those moments you get. June
Well, there is lot of science that shows that someone who was born male and identifies as gay was not dosed with the same testosterone levels as a male who identifies as straight during the mothers pregnancy. So they end up having a more female brain and thus an attraction to men. So basically that feeling that you are a woman could be based in some truth. I've had that feeling before too. I guess that is why I am bi.
Right. "Genderfluid" technically falls under the whole GQ spectrum, so you'd be transgender if that's how you chose to identify. I'd warn against using interests alone for determining gender identity, though, since I know plenty of transwomen who were never into dresses and dolls, and prefer to more stereotypical "male" interests, ie computers, martial arts, and hard rock, for example. Likewise, several transmen who preferred the company of women and admitted to being more into "feminine" activities, like poetry. GENDERQUEER AND NON-BINARY IDENTITIES - What is “Genderqueer”? This is one of the many sites that helped me when I was first exploring the whole non-binary realm. There's a bit of overlap between some of these, and even now, I'm trying to figure out which desires of mine are an expression of my inner self, or completely independent of the fact. I just know shape shifting would save me a world of trouble when shopping for and trying on women's clothing! :lol:
