Hey there! So pretty recently I've been introduced to the concept of genderfluidity and I've been wondering if it could apply to me. I am biologically female and I've never really had any problems with identifying as female. I've always dressed pretty feminine, but I've been told that my demeanor can be quite masculine. For as long as I can remember, I've had urges to dress like and identify as male. However, I've always sort of pushed those urges to the back of my mind and told myself that it would be "weird" because I'm a girl. Recently I expressed my interest in dressing as a guy to a friend of mine, and he said "Well, why don't you? If you want to, just do it." This got me thinking about the whole situation, and so I decided to do a little test. About a week ago I dressed as masculine as I could. I wore no makeup (which is something I haven't done in years,) and I pretty much allowed myself to break down the feminine front that I usually put up... and I was surprisingly really comfortable with it! So for the past few days I've been experimenting with different gender identities and I'm really happy with it. My only concern that I have right now is what to label this as... I know it's probably a bit early to put a specific label on it because I've only just begun to explore my gender identity. But I'm wondering if I'm truly genderqueer/genderfluid or if it sounds like I just enjoy "dressing up" as a male?
It can be both. There is a lot of girls who never wear a skirt and like to play soccer. And they are still girls. Do you feel like girl, do you want to give birth, do you want others to address you as a girl, do you feel OK with having the body you have?
Sometimes I feel like a female, but sometimes I feel more masculine. Maybe not completely male, but definitely more male than female. And now that I've allowed myself to start dressing as a male, I definitely feel more masculine and I would like to be addressed with male pronouns (though I don't really mind being addressed with female pronouns.) Since I've only just started exploring my gender, I'm not sure if these masculine thoughts and feelings are surfacing because I've kept them repressed for my whole life or if I'm just making them up because the whole concept is new and different. I've never experienced gender dysphoria, but I've found that I'm equally as comfortable expressing myself as male as I am expressing myself as female. As for my body, I've always been comfortable with having breasts and female genitalia.I have noticed, however, that when I express myself as male I wish that I had a more masculine body. Maybe not necessarily genitalia, but I wish I had a flatter chest and that I was less curvy. I've never wanted to give birth or have children. The thought of giving birth terrifies me, but I don't really know if that's a matter of personal preference or if it has to do with gender.
I know a lot of women (born as women) who feel just like you and don't question their gender. On the other hand there is a lot of trans* people here who feel like you and will tell you that because of those feelings they are trans*. This is why I think that this whole labeling thing is wrong. Do what makes you happy. No matter how you will look and how the others will address you, you will remain the same person (generous, kind, mean etc.)
Yeah, I know I shouldn't worry too much about putting a specific label to it... but I think it's just human nature to want to define who they are. I guess I'm just confused right now and I want to figure out what to call myself.
