Every morning, I wake up, same as any normal person. It's a funny word, normal. When you get down to it, normal is weird. But, I'm rambling. I really should bring up my issues today. After I wake up, I look to see if today is the day, the day I'm free from this prison. As soon as I look down, I see I'm still cursed to be a boy. My room is still tiny, my body is masculine, and my Momo isn't there. Silently, so as not to arouse suspicion, I cry bitterly. I don't wear makeup, but if I did, it'd be running. The day goes by boringly. I'm calling it a word, don't judge me. I eat, I read, I shower and check my hair, and I hide from my parents. I want to tell them so badly that I'm trans... hell, that I've found true love... but I can't. Last time, they nearly broke my spirit. I want to go shopping. I want to wear pretty clothes, and see the world through my true eyes, the eyes of a woman. I want all that I can. But I can't. Not yet. They would never understand that I don't want a girl, but to BE one. As I write, I am crying. I cry because I feel like the worst kind of prisoner. No, not a rapist or a murderer, but of a prisoner who doesn't even KNOW she's a prisoner until she attempts an escape, and sees a ball and chain stuck on her leg... in cement... under quicksand. So, why am I writing this? Because I know there CAN be hope. In 50 years, who knows? Sadly, 50 years is far away. I wanted to write this, mostly to complain, but to tell others my issues. I hope you enjoyed this. Serena
Serena, you already look at the world by your true eyes. They won't change by transition. MANY things won't change by transition. If you know that you will have to wait for years for the transition, you need to spend them differently than crying in your room. You will become bitter and lose all your friends. You will need friends who will help you through transition. Don't concentrate on the transition so much. If it can't be done now, it can't. You have to deal with it and wait. Whose day have you made nicer today? Try to work on that. If you brighten someone's day, it will get back to you. If you will pity yourself and cry in your room, you will become bitter. If you will behave like that for several years, it won't go away miraculously by transition. In your heart you will stay the same as you are now, no matter how your body will look. Be positive. That way you will attract people and keep the friends you already have. Make your life worth by helping others. The transition will then be a cherry on top of your beautiful life and soul, not a goal. *hug*
Time to make new friends. And it doesn't matter if they are 'real' or cyber. You will need them to help you through the transition. Show the others your good side. That helpful, caring person, you are for sure.
Yeah... my parents are kinda extremists. They think that anyone that I talk to without them meeting my parents must be an evil demon out to kill me.
Well we ARE out to kill you, but we're not demons! My mum initially assumed that the EC community must be full of perverts, pedophiles and trolls when I told her about it...I mean how else could her son be trans!
