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only recently came out...now changing physical appearance?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by cookie94, Oct 7, 2013.

  1. cookie94

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    i recently came out as a gay transgender man.
    only to a few, not to my s/o, best friend, etc. i am in a support group right now.
    over the past few months i have slowly been changing my style anyways, i've been trying to be more true to myself.
    i grew up as a "hot" girl, who was bullied horribly, suffered many abusive relationships, was told i was too ugly, too big of nose, bad skin, bad hair, too small of boobs, need more makeup, need better makeup, not tan enough, not this not this not this not this, my whole teenage life (i'm 19) i tried so hard to always be the hottest prettiest most perfect "babe".
    i don't want to be a fucking "babe".
    but it's been pounded into my brain and it's so hard to get it out.
    i bought a few male button up shirts today, i also cut off my hair about 2 months ago (something ive wanted to do for YEEEEEARS), and im getting happier, but i still have this aching sadness inside me...
    how can i get over feeling like i'm supposed to be some perfect babe? i used to spend 1- 1 1/2 hours doing my hair and makeup, now i just do tinted moisturizer, powder, and eyebrows, because i do like accentuating my features. but i still struggle.
    i hope someone can understand what i mean.
    please help me, i want to be able to 100% be myself and stop worrying about others thoughts about me being "perfect" )':
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you want to be YOU for your sake, you basically have to ignore everybody who will tell you what you are doing is wrong.

    If you don't want to use any makeup, don't use a damn thing! What does 'you' feel like? In your head, how do you see your self as a man? Are you aiming for the well dressed super hunk or just a normal every day guy?