Having recently decided to start exploring my feelings of gender confusion I would appreciate any advice regarding how to go about things
Well I never had any doubts about my gender, so I may not be the best to answer this, but my advice would be to approach it slowly, meaning you don't have to do anything drastic to try and figure it out, just take it easy and try some new things. Ask yourself questions like: 1. Can you imagine yourself as a female? 2. When imagining what it would be like to be a female, do you feel like you would be more comfortable as the opposite sex? Questions like that. Sorry I can't think of more at the moment, but im not familiar in these situations. Another thing that I would recommend is maybe experiment with cross dressing, makeup, and more female oriented jewelry. The best approach is to take it slow, and play around with a few things with out worrying to much about. Because if you worry to much about, you may be pressured to rush through it before you truly understand yourself. That approach im a bit more familiar with, because it's the one I used when I first started figuring out that I was gay.
Thanks for the input it helps quite a bit, this is the first time iv really spoke about it and even just bein able to do that is helping
Well let me know if you ever want to talk. Im pretty good at solving problems (well at least other people's problems.)
Hi confused! Can you tell us a bit about how you feel? When you think about your gender, what do you think about? When you feel the "confusion" surrounding gender, do you have any specific thoughts or is it more of a feeling you can't really describe fully, or you don't fully understand?
Well firstly hello and thank you for getting in touch. To give you an idea iv known for as long as I can remember that something wasn't right . Unfortunately I also knew from the attitudes of people around me that it needed to be secret so I tried somewhat unsuccessfully to repress how I felt . Unsatisfied with the way I felt I started to explore my sexuality. Things got better but not much. Then a couple of years ago I met someone who understood and was able to experiment a little. Since then iv continued to express myself in private but having virtually no support and local oppinion being very negative im finding confidence hard to come by and I'm having difficulty understanding both the nature and extent of my gender issues. Any advice offered would be greatly appreciated
Well as long as you have private space we can work with it! Shadows questions are OK but I would like to see you more certain of a few other things before you worry too much about them! Before you start thinking about what it would be like to be female, I would consider some of the following: (I will try and explain them a bit but i don't want to put ideas in your head that otherwise you might not have thought of!) Where does this confusion come from? -How do you feel about your 'male' body? What do you like and/or dislike about it? -How do you feel about the relationship between your mind and body? Do they match, or do you feel different inside to how you look outside? What is this confusion doing to me? You've repressed how you felt. But WHAT did you repress? Was it a general feeling or something specific. How did it feel to repress it. How do I express myself? You express yourself in private. What do you do differently? What do you need to hide when you are in public? What would I need to do to be happy? This one is tough and probably won't make a lot of sense for a while! Essentially, imagine yourself. Not you as the world sees you. Not the 'perfect' you your brain might think of. Think of YOU as you feel INSIDE. What do they look like? How do they act? What is similar/different to the way you feel you have to present yourself to the world? When I first tried this I gave up almost immediately. I gave up many MANY times afterwards. I gave up with this for years because it never made sense to me. I saw one of two things. One, was the 'man' I basically already was at the time. Big, beared, viking-looking guy. But he was not happy. He was a fiction. He was the best my mind could come up with based on what the world saw. It took me AGES to realise this. The REAL me that I see in my head now is very different. It's tough at first sometimes but keep trying. You don't need to ever come up with the perfect answer just pay attention to the things that change and the things that stay the same as you learn more about yourself!
Thank you so much, i cant express how helpful that is. Some of the answers i know some I dont and some iv never even considered, for example iv always known I felt comfortable in girls clothes (I destroyed a lot of clothes improvising outfits ) having no one to turn to is what caused the repression but it didnt work. When my homophobic brother left home I got the house ( and my mums entire wardrobe ) to my self while my mum was at work, I stopped repressing and just went with it but when I left home at 15 I lost all freedom of expression and was forced to repress once more. and when im in public I hide whatever the immediate level of tolerence forces me to. usually this means everything there are a few people who know I'm bisexual but im not in contact with most of them these days. But I think the biggest one that I dont know the answer to is what I like and dislike about my body as its not so much that I dislike my body just that it feels wrong. Thats why im so confused because how I feel doesn't suit how I look but I'm not sure if playing the part has caused me to become complacent about the body im stuck with and until I can suss that one out im never gonna be sure of myself
If you know you are comfortable in girls clothes, then you might consider the following: Imagine (or if you have some to hand you can actually DO this) you are going out this evening. Until 7:30pm you can wear girls clothes. Whatever you want to wear. You can just be a guy wearing girls clothes, or you can think of yourself as a girl, whatever feels comfortable. But you wear these clothes that you are comfortable in all day. How do you feel, at 6:00pm when you know that soon you have to take them off? What goes through your mind when you realise that you now have to put that aside and wear something else because of what other people might say?
That sounds like a good idea, and it would be a good way to stretch my boundaries as I normally only relax long enough to be me at night ( when the doors less likely to need answered ) ill give that a bash tomorrow as I'm not going any where or expecting any one and I have got enough to mix n match a couple of outfits. A wee side note iv decided to announce my situation to my mum and see what happens I'm absolutely terrified but if I cant face telling my mum then iv got no chance lol thank you again for all your help and advice and I hope to be able to return the favour at some point :icon_bigg
