I thought I had finally discovered my gender identity - ftm- but now im having doubts. I know I am not a woman but I don't feel like I'm a man either.
Gender need not be binary. There are shades in between, and other things you may identify as. Some terms are self-explanatory; others may require more information. Here are just a few of them: bigender, agender, genderqueer, androgyne I'm not a total expert on this, so perhaps others could weigh in as well.
Anonym, you're being pretty vague about this. If you could give me some reasons as to why you feel how you do, then I could probably help.
To add to my original post, I thought that I had finally discovered my gender identity - ftm. I was ready to start living my life as the person I thought I was/wanted to be. I wanted to be a man or androgynous man, perhaps interchangeably. But I definitely wanted a male body. I sometimes feel so distressed with having a female body that I feel suicidal and want to self harm. At these times, I feel like I need to do something, urgently, to alter my body. So I tried binding with a tight sports bra which helped. I had been trying to get through this by thinking to the future and how much happier I would feel living as a man and it was great. I wanted to wear men's clothes and aftershave, grow a beard, be in a relationship with a woman *as a man*, be a father even. But now I'm having doubts. :-( It's not that I don't want any of this. I just don't feel that as a person, I am a man. It's as though I want to become a man, but I'm....just not.....It's never going to happen :'-(
@anonym I went through this quite recently. I had considered myself trans (ftm) and was very depressed and would beat myself with wrenches, crowbars, my fists because i hated my body (at one point i ended up pissing blood). I went back to being female and my girlfriend started calling me my female name again instead of my chosen male name Charlie. Things got worse, it was even worse then before. About a week ago i went back to being Charlie, and i am really happy. I then realized my issue was i was angry at my self image. I am a boy. I don't look in the mirror, and i have to face that. Abusing yourself into something else only makes it worse.
NOT TRUE! You are what you are! If you are male, then you are a man no matter what body you got. Your female body may be producing hormones that may be messing with you. IDK your whole situation, but it would be like telling me because I have chose not to alter this male body that I will never be a woman, not going to happen.... I want all the same things as you like to be a mother, wife, be in a marriage type relationship with a man. Stop fighting yourself and let who you are just be and figure out what that is. When you do, be the best ______ (M or F) you can be and let that person shine from the inside out. Once I did that years ago, I just was June and I decided June was this amazing woman who was going to live a happy life and I worked hard embracing who I am and suddenly everybody else started seeing her and wanting her to be part of their lives. Before long I had that life I wanted and I am living happily ever after with my husband. I even got to raise a child from 2 weeks to 5 years old. So I got to be mommy too. It came little by little over many years. Soul search and go for it! June
Been there..but now I completely regards myself as a man. Soon to have transition..I know how you feel, just take your time to weigh things over. We are here if you need some answers..(*hug*)
I feel you, OP. Learning about FTMs, while it finally brought me something to connect to and an enormous sense of peace of mind, has also done me a disservice in the sense that so many of these guys seem so sure, and I often feel unsure. After doing some serious soul searching, I've found a few things to be more or less constant for me though: - I wish I had a flat chest and a slender, masculine physique, and I wouldn't be bothered or unsettled if I woke up like that one morning - I prefer being referred to with masculine or neutral pronouns and terms The fact remains though, I don't know that I'm a man, even though I am sure I want to look like one and that I'm not a woman. I think I might be somewhere in that massive, foggy, grey, non-binary area of the spectrum. And maybe you are too, and that's ok. Don't be afraid to give yourself time to really think about your gender, it's a very personal thing. And whatever you are, you are, and that's fantastic.
Thanks for all the replies It helps to know there are people out there who feel similar. The only people I'm out to can't believe I'm trans because I don't exactly fit the stereotype of 'straight man'. Does this matter??? I just feel as though I'm not trans enough :icon_sad: Another problem I have is that I'm hating everything about me at the moment so it's hard to imagine how I want to present gender wise. I think that whatever I decided, I would hate it all the same because I hate me. I don't know how I can stop, or change how I feel about myself. I'm just a boring, socially awkward person who has nothing to offer. I don't have any friends, I wouldn't have a family if they knew about me being trans. I've never had a relationship and my fear is that I will be alone my whole life. No woman could possibly ever want to be with me...sorry for the rant, I'm just so depressed :icon_sad:
I'm the same, though I prefer masculine pronouns all the way around, plus I'd like a beard and what not. I think the reason why so many are unsure is because it's a massive, massive change.
Hey, some of the people I'm out to have a hard time believing I'm trans because I'm "feminine" and don't fit into the classic transman narrative. Their opinions don't stop the dysphoria. The fact is that people are all different, and you don't need to be any particular way to be "trans enough". And I know what all that self-hate feels like. I'm constantly worried that if I do what I want to do, transition the way I want to, I won't find a man that would want to be with me. But I'm sure you have something to offer, and super sure you won't be alone forever. (*hug*)
