Okay, now I know I shouldn't care that I am a feminine guy, but its really starting to confuse me with my gender. I know I am male, but I feel as if I'm too girly in a sense, that I'm not. I know its probably because of the media and how they portray the male gender to be masculine, and the females to be feminine, and I guess I just need some self-reassurance? I'm not really sure honestly. Recently, ever since I saw some pictures of "her", I've been thinking if it would be so bad going back to being "her," but the thought disturbs me. When I thought about it, I realized I liked how she looked. I never admitted it when I was "her," but she was quite pretty. I like a lot of womens styles and makeup. I think the part of me that wants to return to being "her" is so that I can dress her up like a doll. To paint her face with makeup and put dresses on her sounds really fun to me, but that's all I feel for "her." That's the only thing, because I don't want to act how she's suppose to act or have the body parts she has, its almost as if she's a persona of mine, I guess. I use my preferred name and proper pronouns, I wear male clothing mixed with girls, since I can't afford new things right now, yet when I see a dress I like or skirt of that sort, I catch myself imagining myself in them and I don't like it. I want to shave my body hair, not below the belt and kind of my arms, but the rest I want hairless, but I'm afraid. I want to but I'm afraid because that is seen as only something for women. I like makeup, just eyeliner really, but I can't wear that because its for women only. I like cutsie things, but again, that's for girls only and all of this just confuses me. I guess I should just accept I'm a feminine man, since I knew I would and have actually very much wanted to, but I fear that the things I do and like are too feminine for me. Any help, please? :help: -Kisa
I know the feeling...more in the direction though. Honestly I would say that you sound a little gender fluid. You sound like you're really convinced of your male sex, but not of your gender. You may also be some kind of cross-dresser, it's really difficult to tell with what's given. Whatever your choice, go with what's comfortable for you, regardless of sex and the gender stereotypes that follow.
Well, I can't tell you how to get rid of your insecurities, but I can tell you this: I am a man, who is transgender. And I can be feminine. I like to be sometimes. I consider myself genderqueer, really. Transitioning has made me more feminine, not less, because it's taken away the uncomfortable association of femininity with being female. It was the best thing I ever did. So yeah, I can't tell you how to be comfortable with it, but I can tell you that you're in good (well, questionable, anyway) company.
You can be 110% male and wear a dress and makeup everyday... all I'm saying is that there are no rules to being male.
I've been going through something similar lately. But the reason I almost want to give up and go back is because it's so hard to find clothes that fit. My chest has been getting bigger, much to my chagrin, as well. I like women's clothing, and I catch myself doing really girly things sometimes, which bothers me. My voice cracks even though I'm not on T. I still turn around when people call say "ma'am". It bugs me. I'm not really sure how to do with it, but what I tried is actually going into the women's department and doing some shopping. I thought, "Maybe I should just try on a dress," which was almost immediately followed by, "Dude, what the hell are you doing?! Snap out of it!" I think that just considering taking a step back helped me. It reaffirmed my stance on who I am. I love scented candles and exotic soaps and the way a dress is designed around a woman's curves, but that doesn't make me a woman. I'm a guy like any other guy is a guy. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to ask yourself if you'd be happy if you went back. I can't speak for both of us, but I can say that it wouldn't for me.
I'm MAAB and I used to feel exactly like you are feeling. It's why I transitioned in the first place. If it helps, it wasn't what I hoped for. I still think about just being a femme boy again all the time. I'm sorry if that's more confusing than anything... just, I don't sit here thinking, "I'm so feminine so I can never be a boy again." It's more like, why can't I be a boy again? I wish I could, makeup and dresses and cute things and all.
If there were no guys who liked cute things, the Moe Anime fandom would be full of prepubescent little girls! You are not alone. I can't really relate, since I'm more masculine than a lot of cisguys (if I do say so myself), but you should be able to do what you wish! That's your freedom as an American!
