FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young age?

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

So far, I am still building the courage to let my grandparents know of my feelings towards wanting to be a MtF. As for my history, it's practically non-existent, since I never though much of my gender/sex until recently. For the longest time, I never really knew what a transgendered or transsexual was, but when I learned, boy has it changed my perspective.

Since late July, I started imaging myself as a woman, walking around with a female body, long hair, and just being thought of as a woman; the whole process was invigorating and it was there that my "foundation" of gender was really brought to light. What am I? Who am I in terms of both gender and sex? Is being a woman something I want? These are the questions I ask myself whenever I consider if I want to be a woman.

What if I'm not really a woman, but just convincing myself that it's what I want to be because it sounds cute? What if I'm just going through a phase? These are the questions that continue to plague me; the worst part about all of my thoughts is that even though it's said that everyone is different, many seem to "know" they were meant to transition. I've never been decisive, so even with this feeling of truly wanting to be and be accepted as the opposite sex, I can only believe I want it, until someone can prove that I'm not just confused.

I know you wanted past stories, but as I said, I only recently discovered these feelings.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

It's really hard to answer that without any bias. I just don't know. I did things typical of both genders and I could probably make myself sound masculine or feminine if I remembered selectively. The only definite thing from a young age (teens) for me was physical femininity because my body didn't develop normally, I was always short and small and all that. I also always insisted on long hair. And I struggled with emotional issues that are more common for women than men, but I don't think that means anything. I never expressed a gender identity and having transitioned I still can't honestly do so...

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

For me, the realization is quite recent, but looking back there have always been signs that I just attributed to being raised by a single mother.

For one, I've always been able to just plain connect with women better. Even at a young age, I could just plain empathize better than a lot of guys would (which more often than not put me in the "friend zone" category). I've always managed to have more female friends than male ones (close friends at least).

Second, like some others here...I would sneak into my mothers closet and put on her clothes, and more often than not just feel comfortable walking around in them. In short, it felt right.

Finally, bout the time everyone hit puberty, I was jealous of the way the girls were developing compared to me. Even more so when the clothes for them got cuter...and here i was stuck with jeans and a t-shirt.

However, I never realized anything until this many years later because my perception of a MtF was limited to transvestite thanks to the unthinking area I live in.

Edit: I should note, since I started looking at possibly being trans, I asked a close friend of mine to start calling me by female pronouns just to see how it felt...and since then I've decided that I am because it felt great.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

As said above, it was jealousy for me. All the girls were developing and I was stuck in the mud and growing in places that made me feel dirty.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

I didn't really feel different until I was about 10, when I was 10 I started getting breasts and I wanted to chop them off

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

For me it was just opposite, as I thought I was a little girl like my mother. Until I got caught playing with mom's makeup and she explained I was a boy like dad. That just crushed me as I was in love with her brown plaid coat. She then made me one out of the same material, but in a boy's coat and she did not understand why I wanted hers. So for me I just always have been female, and I failed at trying to be male in my teen years. The sad part is when I was a kid, nobody was fixing us so I was screwed out of being that beautiful woman my mother was. Mom and I were talking about this a few hours ago as both my sisters look like their fathers which screwed them out of having the looks and I look just like her but was screwed out of having her gender body. Oh well, maybe next time! June

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

Just various little things. I remember there always being a push to "be a girl" and no matter how hard I tried, it still felt wrong. I wasn't much of a tomboy- too fat and clumsy for sports, willing to play with stuffed animals. And honestly didn't think anything was up until puberty. My body didn't feel like mine, being a woman felt more and more like a square peg in a round hole.

First time I strapped down my tits? Felt normal, complete. First time I ever wore a proper binder, I literally just sat there and marveled at how I finally had a chest that looked right to me. Like I can't even tell you how weird it is sometimes when I'm not able to bind and I look down. "Why the fuck are these here...oh."

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

^ This.

Honestly, I've always felt different from boys and from girls in a weird intangible way, but it really started at puberty for me. Suddenly my body was ballooning out in weird places and I couldn't "pull off" being boyish anymore, but I had a hard time meeting the expectations of others. I hated the way I was developing, the way people expected me to be a certain way, even though I feel like part of it was my fault somehow. For a while I thought that maybe if I dressed up my body more, tried to love it more, I would just come to be comfortable in it, so I stopped trying to look boyish, it felt futile anyway. But I didn't love it, at all. I sort of knew that I was gendered differently, but I didn't know that there were ftm transgenders, so I tried not to think about it.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

Honestly, I don't think there were many hints that I was trans* when I was younger; either that, or I don't remember any. When I was a kid, I thought absolutely nothing of gender. I think it's because when you're a child, you don't really think about gender--or at least I didn't--because, well, you're just a kid. To me, everybody looked typically androgynous and the only difference between male and female is that boys sometimes teased girls and vise-versa. I always came off as the tomboyish type and I think lots of my friends can agree, but I mean, that's normal. Some girls are just tomboys.

Puberty is when things really went downhill. Boys became boys and girls became girls, and, well, I wasn't really comfortable with the fact that I was becoming a girl. I remember starting to get breasts and absolutely despising the fact. I remember looking in the mirror, seeing myself and my long hair and feminine figure and hating it. I guess I wasn't aware that I was hating it (alexithymia), honestly, I just had this feeling that I barely recognized that something was wrong.

When I was 12, I had a passing thought that I might've been transgender. At the time, I didn't know there was such thing as genderqueer, so my instant thought was, "no way am I male, that's not who I am," and I dismissed it as irrational. Past that point, for nearly a year, I never thought once about being transgender again; I was absolutely denying it. I actually thought that the fact that I felt out of place with girls (and boys alike) was just a result of my autism and lack of social skills (although given, that's half-true).

Around a year later, and a lot more confusion and subtle gender dysphoria, it was EC itself I believe that introduced me to the term genderqueer. I did a couple of Google searches on it, since I'm a curious being, and then thought, "...hang on a sec."

*cue moment of realization*

Okay, so it wasn't exactly instant; it took me a few months both to understand and accept I was genderqueer. But, you get the idea.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

I don't remember much of my childhood, beyond being depressed till I was put on medication. I was tomboyish and dressed in male clothing since that's all we had. I was more inclined to get dirty in the mud than stay in the house playing with barbies, but I did both. It just depended on which friend I had over since I only had two. I felt awkward when I was around a bunch of girls, like I didn't belong.

I never felt like I fit in anywhere, and always wanted to hang out with the guys. Beyond that, I don't really know. I just accepted things as "that's how they should be" till I was about 24.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

No, that's a major misconception. Some do know, yes, but others don't.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

Yeah. I really don't get the whole "I knew from the womb that I didn't have the penis I should have had"

I didn't even know about penises and vaginas and "boy parts" "girl parts" until I was at least five or six. And when you're a kid, being told you're one thing, it's hard to go against that idea even if you know something's wrong.

I actually remember thinking I had "boy parts" as a kid. Had a friend I, at the age of four, compared parts with. I think she was intersex, so she had what looked to me as what I'd later learn "only boys had". I just assumed mine was small.

Everyone told me I was a girl. So growing up, that's what I was. Puberty, yeah. Once I got a libido and my body's shape grew less and less androgynous (I ended up with a very curvy, hourglass figure), it was like "what the hell?" I was a complete prude, especially when it came to the idea of sex. Felt like a pervert in women's locker rooms, bathrooms. Developed a sort of longing to start my life over as a boy and that longing stayed with me for years until, well, I learned a few things about myself.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

Jeeze, yeah. That's another thing. I completely hate revealing my body. It took forever for me to wear a bikini and I still hated it.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

I have only just realized that i am gender fluid(similar to transgender but you identify as both genders) but i've known i was different from the age of 10

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

I didn't even think about that. As a kid I would always run around in shorts, but since puberty I've worn nothing but jeans except for rare occasions at home when doing laundry.

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

Same. Never wore shorts, bikinis. Wore jeans despite weather. Changed in stalls. Did whatever was humanely possible to avoid showing off my body. Looking back, it was more for my benefit than innocent bystanders. :lol:

 

Re: FTMs (or MTFs really): What were some clues that you were different from a young

When I saw Pocahontas for the first time, I realized at that moment that I wanted to be John Smith when I grew up, and it just kind of went from there. I also remember insisting to my dad when I was a kid that I was going to grow a penis. Unfortunately, that never happened. :lol: