How would be honest with myself and feel ready to go through with this thing? I'm leaning towards where I wouldn't like considering myself as a guy, but not fully as a girl. Even though it's like that, I would love to still become more feminine. I still don't like that I look like a guy.
Here's a question then, what parts of being a girl do you find 'undesirable?' Do you not want to be thought of as feminine? What parts of being male do you still like?
I'm honestly scared about being hated by other people and stereotypical gender roles being forced on me. I don't know what to think could be undesirable about being a girl. I'm not sure either what I like about being a guy. I don't like any male physical traits that I have now. I also really don't like or understand the mentality that I'm expected to have because of being a male. I see a lot positive things about being a girl I would like. I picture myself more as a girl, but I get scared because there are people in my life who make me question what I want to do. I get anxious about "what if I'm wrong?" scenarios and some friends saying I'm confused and saying there are people who regret changing sex. It gets annoying and I get anxious and upset because of that.
The way I see it, and judge as you see fit, the more you fear about failing to live up to standards, the more you already fit those standards. Truly being a female means (or at least, in my opinion, should mean) wanting to be accepted as a woman, regardless of gender activity (sports, video games, and other masculine mannerisms); you should want others to at least acknowledge you as female in a literal sense, calling you she and her. You can take would I said with a grain of salt if you'd like, I only offer this as possible advice. For your fears of being wrong, understand that you came as far as you did based on what you felt was right, and not what others can only assume at a glance. Don't pressure yourself one way or the other, ask yourself if you still want to be a woman and see if you still feel positive inside that you are a female. I wish you luck and want you to know that I and many others share your struggle.
Hi twospiritlycan, I'm rather new here but thought I might be able to help a bit. If you are still unsure of your gender, that does not mean that you can not transition partially or fully if that is what you desire. I know genderqueer trans* women who don't completely identify as female, but are more comfortable presenting female and have transitioned hormonal or are in the process of it. I've had a few people try to tell me about how I may regret transition (and this being right when I went full time). The truth is, there are people who regret it, but they are few and far between, and generally it's because of external forces that they regret it (losing family and stuff). They are cherry picking the people who have transitioned and forgetting about the extremely vast majority who have transitioned successfully. As far as figuring out your gender, just take your time and process things, it can take a while to really figure things out. That said, if you feel like progressing quicker, that is totally fine to. If you do decide to transition you are able to do it in whatever way you see fit, you get to make the rules on this, there is no handbook (well there might be but it wouldn't be very useful).
"How would I know I'm ready?" Around the time you realise that pretending you're something you're not is preferable to being looked down on by others. The potential reactions of others are really scary, and I've been really REALLY lucky with mine so far, but I found I was ready to let others know once I felt I could no longer pretend!
