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What is the name for this?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Bright Eyes, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. Bright Eyes

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    I'm starting to think I might be slightly genderqueer.

    I've always had this desire to wear boys' clothes (I was never allowed to, my family is slightly phobic when it comes to blurring gender lines).

    However, think I'm not trans because I don't want to actually be a boy. I just like to wear boys' clothes and act like a boy sometimes. I don't even mind being perceived as a boy (I don't though because I a very feminine face; I can't even pass as a teenage boy). Cross dressing just seems, I don't know right to me? I'm just getting more and more frustrated with the fact that my mom won't let me get boys' clothes. :dry:

    It's not constant, either. The way I want to be perceived (male or female) varies from day to day. Some days I want to be girly and wear jewelery and other days it just feels wrong.

    Anyway, I think the question I'm trying to get at here is this: What would the correct term be for what I am? Gender fluid? Bigender? Or just a really butch lesbian?
     
  2. #2 NordicTrickster, Nov 10, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2013
  3. J Snow

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    If you are comfortable being identified as your birth assigned gender than I would say that you are likely a cross dresser. If you do have an issue with your identity than I would say you sound genderfluid, but as you described it I'd say you are likely a cross dresser.
     
  4. I disagree with the thing about being comfortable with your birth gender.
    I have no problems with being called by mine, however at the same time I'd feel just as comfortable if I was addressed with the opposite. However this doesn't mean I feel like a woman. People can identify as one gender + more, and therefore not mind being called by a specific gender. It doesn't mean that they necessarily identify with just that one.
     
  5. J Snow

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    Fair point, I guess I meant if they are comfortable being referred to "only as their assigned birth gender."
     
  6. clockworkfox

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    When dressing girly feels wrong and dressing like a boy feels right, do you prefer being taken for a boy, or do you not mind being seen as either a boy or a girl? If you prefer being seen as a boy, does it bother you being seen as a girl? At the middle of it all, do you feel like any one gender?

    The reason that I ask is because gender presentation and gender identity are different things. For a while, my presentation would vary from day to day - guy's clothes, girl's clothes, a mix of the two. Even though some days dressing a certain way would feel "wrong" to me, whether it was dressing like a guy or like a girl, how I felt inside was the same. Even when I was dressed up in feminine clothes, I didn't feel like a girl or identify as one. For a while, I toyed with labels - androgyne, genderfluid, genderqueer - but eventually I came to realise that I don't really feel like either gender, or switch between them in any way besides what clothes I'm wearing. While pronouns and such don't tend to bother me much, I consistently feel slightly more male than female, and want to physically look like a guy, regardless of what I'm wearing. (Preferably a hot guy too, but I won't count on it.)

    So, tell us some more about your crossdressing. It could be that you just have an affinity for crossdressing. Could be that you're a little genderqueer. Some might argue that because you've got a strong affinity for crossdressing, you are a little genderqueer. That's up to you really. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 clockworkfox, Nov 12, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2013
  7. Bright Eyes

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    So I've never really got the opportunity to actually wear guy's clothing, because my mom doesn't let me. I usually just wear very plain girl's clothes and occasionally very masculine button-up tops, with my hair pinned back (my hair is very short).
    I started wanting to crossdress because I would see boys wearing these really awesome outfits and just think I want to look like that. The thing is, I've never had the girl urge to "look pretty". I don't want to look pretty. Dressing like a boy just seems more lake an outward manifestation of myself, whereas wearing girl's clothes seems forced. It's not just that I want to crossdress, I feel I need to crossdress to be comfortable. I kind of like to "act" like a boy too sometimes, if that makes sense.

    Though I like to outwardly look/act masculine, I really don't have a problem with the actual physical parts of being a girl. I really wouldn't mind being taken for a boy. Then again, I don't super mind being seen as a girl, either.

    I don't know how I'd accept being anything but my birth gender. My family doesn't understand the whole "gender is a spectrum" thing. Then think anyone who falls in between the lines is "weird" or "just trying to be different". When my mom learned that I wanted to crossdress, she gave me a lecture about "not giving her another son". :tantrum:
     
  8. g4563

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    i have a masculine type of face that i pass as a guy. look at the pics of skulls on the internet to tell the difference.
     
  9. clockworkfox

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    What your mom needs to understand is that, no, contrary to popular belief, the clothes don't make the man. Clothes are just clothes. Everyone should be able to freely wear what they like and feel comfortable in, yourself included.

    You could just be a masculine girl, which is totally okay! Not all girls are girly, and the media really does a number on us FAAB (female assigned at birth) individuals since we're really young. I'm almost positive that you, like myself, were likely gifted a fashion doll, like Barbie (or being younger than me, maybe Bratz), within your first five years. You probably also received a cheap toy makeup set or some dress-up clothes before you were 7. The message here is that "girls = dress up and get pretty", and where does that leave girls that just aren't drawn to those things? The ones that can relate to Charlie Brown's Peppermint Patty, and other such tomboyish characters? I've known plenty of girls over the years that are comfortable with their bodies, and don't mind being girls, but prefer wearing plainer girl's clothes or guy's clothes. A lot of them cringe at the thought of dressing up and "acting ladylike", but still consider themselves girls - just girls that hate to dress up and act girly. Maybe this describes you, and the crossdressing is just you being you and wearing the things you find comfortable?

    It doesn't really sound like your gender itself is switching back and forth to me - rather, it seems like you're you, and you've got your own personal preferences when it comes to what you like to wear, and your mom's afraid to let you express them because they're not what she expected, not "normal" (*shudder*). They are quite normal, though, because a lot of people have similar tastes, and just because you want to wear masculine clothes that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be marching in the house one day with fake facial hair, demanding they call you Adam. I think maybe you should let your mom know why you like guy's clothes, if you haven't already. Just be honest - you prefer the looser fit, you think they look cool, you prefer the range of colors found in guy's shirts to those found in girls shirts, they make you feel confident and happy. Reassure her that just because you like dressing like a boy, that doesn't mean you want to be a boy. I really think that whatever your gender, if you feel comfortable and confident in more masculine clothes and awkward in girlier ones, then you should be allowed to wear what you're comfortable in. I mean, at the end of the day, they're just some fabrics, so why should it be such a problem?

    Lastly, I'm not saying you are or are not genderqueer - like I said, some people think that being drawn to guy's clothes like you are would make you a little genderqueer, others might say that since you're pretty comfortable with your assigned gender, even if you don't like the more "socially acceptable feminine aspects" of it (the makeup and frills, etc.), you're not necessarily genderqueer. That's up to you! Labels aren't there to stress us out though, so if you feel stressed trying to fit yourself into boxes, stop trying. You're you, first and foremost, and you're not defined by your gender any more than you're defined by your hair color, or your ancestry. And this is coming from a guy that spent a long time fretting over their own gender, wondering "am I trans enough to be trans??"