I want to rip my skin off!

First of all (*hug*) BIG hugs. The worst feelings I have experienced with my gender dysphoria have come from hopelessness, just like you are feeling now.

Your hair will grow eventually, it's what I have to keep reminding myself!

When I was at the stage you're describing, I found things felt a LITTLE better (not a huge amount mind you) when I shaved off all my body hair! I started with just the chest/stomach so nobody noticed for a while. Then my legs when they started getting hidden by trousers. Then my arms when I stopped thinking about other people's reactions (turns out nobody noticed the lack of hair on any part of me). So you could try that if you haven't already...

My hair is still short so I can't do anything much with it to look girly. The best I've found is to part it at one side and brush it over the top of my head...doesn't look great but it's not exactly masculine. Last night I had by eyebrows thinned a bit, not too much, but it helped a lot, especially combined with mascara.


But lets think entirely about you for a minute. Forget everyone else in the world. What do you WANT to do to make yourself feel feminine. What would make you feel right, even if you only did it in your own home?

 

Concentrate on the person who is inside the body. And show others who she is. People will love you no matter of your body, if you show them your caring side.
Concentrate on the fact that what is inside is more important than what is outside.
Look at your body as at a coat or something.

Do you know bodypainters? I do. They don't think about the naked body they are painting on. They see only the picture they are working on.

Don't concentrate on the body. It's there, end of story, no need to pay attention, comment it, look at it. If you want to get rid of the dysphoria, try it. It works pretty well and quickly *hug*

 

You really should concentrate on you, not your hair. But if it makes you feel any better, I was really inpatient with my hair growing out as well. I was sure to take care of it and comb/brush it regularly, and then when it was long enough, I'd tilt my head back while my shirt was off just to feel the hair touch my back. It took a little over a year, but finally my hair reached a length I'm happy with! (about mid-back, now).

Just be patient and try to focus on other things in the meantime.

 

I don't know if its QUICKER necessarily, but you might want to consider getting some VEET or equivalent the first time. Stinks a bit, but it gets rid of the hair reasonably well the first time.

I found when I put a LOT of that on, left it for the maximum allowed time and hopped in the shower most of it was gone, then shaving took a lot less time 'cause I could focus on a different bit every day. Now I'll shave my face every day, my arms every other, my legs...actually quite rarely tbh and my chest when I feel like it (depends how revealing my top is!)

BTW if you want to discuss anything like this feel free to message me on here!

 

I would like to say "ignore it", but it's not that. Maybe "glance" instead of "look"? Don't give it importance. I know it sounds impossible when you deal with dysphoria, but it's doable (*hug*) You must DECIDE that you want to tackle it. Who knows what the future holds for you. Maybe you will manage to transition soon, but for now, try to live in peace with your body.

 

I was going to suggest shaving your body, but I guess that's already been suggested. I originally just shaved my chest and left the arms unshaven so no one would notice, but now that its getting colder, this would be the perfect time for your to shave your arms and just wear long sleeves if you are worried about people noticing.

I would say the things that helped me the most through my early transition time were surrounding myself with other trans* people and documenting my progress. I think its important to have a place to express yourself, be it through other people, writing, youtube videos, or whatever helps you.

As much as it may seem awful in the moment. I like to think of being trans* as a little bit of a blessing. We have a unique opportunity. You still have your whole transition ahead of you, and while its difficult, its also an opportunity to see yourself change to how you've wanted to be before your very eyes.

Its easy to get down and depressed, but remember how awesome you are for making these changes for yourself.

Also, hair grows fast. Mine has been growing for like a year and a half and I swear its well past my shoulders. It'll all go by faster than you think.

 

One thing thats always helped me is dressing like my mental gender, at least when I'm alone... I sleep in girls pj's and I find that helps me a lot, just being able to wake up and feel normal... I also grew my hair out, which others have suggested, and I shave, and I wear nail polish, which might be too flamboyant for you, but since I'm goth I can get away with it... Hope you're doing better soon (*hug*) I know how tough body dysphoria is