I can't stand it anymore. I don't think I would want to see a gender therapist because of everyone else. I'm tired of hearing about the negative crap that MtFs have to face and hearing about FtMs getting the easy end of everything. I tried to look at the postive side of things and try that simple mehod of itnoring everyone who says crap. I tried so many times to forget that everyone'e decisions is unimportant and tried so many times that what I think of me is important. I tried, and I came to a conclusion that I will bring myself to think like that. I tive up on pursuing anything any further regarding gender identity because everything jus sucks and I hate people and I don't think I'd want to interact with anyone anymore because of how stupid the human race is. I no longer want to deal with any more of this crap because I give up. I hate life, i hate people, and I just hate everything now.
I think it is important to not get wrapped up in who has things better than us. There will always be someone who is better off than us and someone who is worse off. Even if on average FtM people have things easier than MtF people we shouldn't generalize and say FtM people have it easy. A lot of the time I get jealous of people who transitioned younger than me or of people who live in more trans friendly places. I can't change the past though so all I can do is ask what will make me happier going forward. I also get angry and scared when I hear local mega preachers saying parents should punch their gender non-conforming kids in the face. Then I think if we just give up we are giving all of the ignorant and evil people what they want, for us to go away. Don't focus so much on who might have things easier or what ignorant thing someone said. Focus on what you need to live your life. Sure you might get a bad therapist but if you do ditch them and move on to a better one. There are even therapist who will hold sessions via video conferences if you can't find a suitable one in your area. Yes it sucks that we have to fight just to be able to talk to a therapist who understands us but things can't improve for ourselves or for anyone else if we don't keep trying.
"hearing about FtMs getting the easy end of everything." Where exactly have you heard this from? Just because a biological female wearing male style clothes is acceptable were as a biological male wearing female clothes isn't, doesn't mean they have it easier. Just as we transwomen have a butt-load of things we can't easily change, so do they, and you do a massive dis-service to all the transmen out there who are struggling just as much as you by saying so. Now lets be realistic here. If changing your gender identity is something you really need, "giving up" is going to hurt you, and it's going to hurt you badly. You say you've tried ignoring other people, well how exactly did you do this. What have you done to make your life easier? WHO is making your life harder? Find ways to deal with the problems you have before you write your life off completely.
I'm sorry and I feel bad about making this post. I just get a lot of "Are you sure?" questions and assumptions that I'm just confused, and some different online forums, as anonymous of course, saying it's mostly a bad thing to think and confuse myself about gender identity. I shouldn't have said anything bad about assuming FtM have it easier, and now I feel terrible about everything. I'm sorry about that.
Hey, it's alright to feel overwhelmed when it comes to these things, and every one of us, I'm sure, has been called "confused", "dishonest", "attention seeking", and other such unfair labels by others. At this point, it doesn't even matter who has it worse, and focusing on that will only add more unnecessary stress to your situation, the last thing you'll need as someone going down this path of discovery. If I could tell you that you'd never have another day like this, I would, trust me. It's alright to take a step back, to rethink your position, and to hold decisions off when you're not ready. At the end of the day, it's you who has control over your life, not anyone else. It sounds trite, but that's the truth.
It's so important to remember that people who are being judgmental have their own issues and phobias that have nothing to do with you. Being true to yourself is the most empowering thing that you can do in your life. Hang in there. You are not alone in your feeling about this.
