Has anyone basically call you not trans enough

It's a similar thing with my mum. When I first came out (unwillingly) I was wearing this long pajama dressing gown thing, and at one point my mum was all like "Why are you wearing that?" She basically thinks guys can't wear stuff like that.

A couple months or so ago, during an argument over my gender and sexuality, she was talking about me being "girly" in high school and wearing makeup, and whining about me now "looking like a boy". She just won't take me seriously.

I mean, yeah, I used to wear makeup and stuff. I haven't been male since childhood. Now I know I'm a guy, and have found that I like "male" clothes and also like fab/feminine stuff.

People change. She doesn't understand that. I haven't tried telling her that though cause she's just gonna twist shit around and not listen. :dry: I'm surprised that she hasn't attacked my behaviour/personality and used it as more fuel to me not being male/trans, cause I'm very emotional, naturally theatric, cry easily, and am also sassy and stuff. And we all know guys can't ever have anything feminine about them. :rolle:

 

My mum spent months telling me I'm not girly enough to be a girl! Now she's started trying to tell me what clothes I can and cannot wear.

"You can't wear a red t-shirt AND a pink over-shirt" well why the hell not?! Apparently all women have to have identical dress sense...

 

I haven't really been out to anyone in public, but I already know two people (on Facebook) who seemed to think I was confused about it. Strangely they both thought it was a cover for being gay (liking men that is). My other friends (on my chat website) are ok with it though; now all that's left (that's immediately important) is my grandparents.

On the romantic/sexuality side...I honestly thought/think more trans people tend to stay interested in who they began liking, and most begin liking the opposite gender/sex. Many become open, questioning, and eventually begin to like the same sex (pre-trans), but it seems there is an even divide in numbers amongst who likes what sex.

 

I'm not out to my parents yet, mostly because I don't think they'd take me seriously and I don't know how to bring the topic up. But when I came out to my friends, all but one of them doubted me a little. I'm not the only transguy they know (I went to a party once and imagine my surprise to see not one, not two, but three other transdudes!) These other guys are, for lack of a better word, more masculine than me. One of them I know for sure is straight, which plays into the demographic people are more familiar with seeing among transpeople. Questions that I got initially were "Are you sure?" "Why do you think that?" and "I always thought you were pretty girly though?"

And I mean I see where they're coming from. Honestly, I am pretty feminine. But if I didn't feel off, where would I even come up with the idea that I think I'm trans? I feel better presenting as male, I don't hurt myself anymore, and I'm a lot more open than I used to be.

I agree that the heteronormative view does make things confusing. I've felt more like a guy than a girl for a long time now, but I always thought that there wasn't anything to do about it. And for a little while, when I started to realise that wasn't true, I thought, well, maybe it'll be easier to not bother, since I like guys.

 

Nobody has told me that but I have definitely told myself that. Honestly I struggle with transphobic feelings because I attached so much self-worth to my transition. I just don't like being trans but I have a lot of self-esteem issues so...

Actually, my sister told me that, but not because she thought I was masculine.. she actually thought that being born male means I HAVE to want to be masculine. She doesn't accept any trans people at all.

 

I can't relate too much with being trans and gay as I'm multisexual, but I know a few gay transmen whose parents questioned why they would feel the need to transition if they were presumably straight and cisfemale. Even my mother shares the same views, as I told her about my group's coordinator, a lesbian transwoman, and my mum replied with, "Shouldn't she be with a man, then? Since she's now a woman?" or something along those lines.

Sigh... Heteronormativity.

I've personally been in a few disputes with other transmen who suggested I shouldn't be medically transitioning because I didn't experience significant dysphoria, as well as identifying as genderqueer at the time. So, basically, that whole load of "not trans* enough" recycled bullshit, purer bullshit than you could extract from a cow's colon or whatever. Misogynistic, feminine-shaming transguys are the absolute worst.

I've also had my mum ask me why I wanted to transition if I was going to continue being "so feminine" as if transitioning meant I had to turn into some sexist, uber-masculine, obstinate, phlegmatic male just so I could prove my gender to everyone. Fuck that. I didn't transition so I could put on another mask. I transitioned just so I could finally be myself.

 

Yeah.

I think it's common, even if you were "gender deviant" and masculine from a young age, for parents to deny your gender identity. I was somewhat feminine growing up, so when I first came out, my mom was dead set I couldn't possibly want to be a man. Because, you know, I willingly wore dresses and had flowers painted on my wall as a kid. So...thus, that means I absolutely am full of shit.

So, my hatred of my body is blamed on low self-esteem. So after I came out, my mom made sure to remind me how beautiful I was on a regular basis. :dry:

Thing to keep in mind that you're the only one who knows who you are. You know how many guys out there happily identify as male and yet indulge in theater and baking eclairs- it doesn't make them women no matter how they were assigned simply because they're not uber masculine.

Yeah, and on that note, still makes me feel weird reading those stories about masculine, former tomboy transmen who knew from age five. Even now I still have my days where I feel like I'm not trans enough because I didn't know I was a guy until recently.

Ever heard of Matt Kailey? If you read his book "Just Add Hormones", he describes his experience growing up as a feminine girl/woman. It wasn't until he was about forty years old that he began questioning his gender and deciding on transitioning.

 

Yup. My mom wants me to prove to her that I'm a guy and claims I can't be one because I don't fit into what she sees as being a man.

 

Thank you for this thread.

 

Yeah, I really doubt my mum would be any more accepting if I had known from childhood.

When I had first realised my being male, I was like kinda insecure (if that's even the right word) for awhile that I hadn't known since a young age. I would search around on the internet for others who had the same/similiar experience as me. Seeing I wasn't the only one helped, and that insecurity eased over time.

I've heard of that book, but I had no idea the author didn't realise til that age. Just goes to show even more that this can creep up whenever.

 

No one has said it to my face, but I've certainly felt like a "faker" at times, since I decided against transition, as it wouldn't change much for someone who doesn't necessarily feel strictly male or female, plus it would only add a lot more problems just to alleviate certain physical... nuisances.

A few transfolk seem to take a very "traditional" approach when it comes to gender and gender expression expression, and the last thing I'd want to do is leave one box for another. I'm definitely "feminine" by male standards, but would be just as "masculine" living full time as a woman.

Bisexuals seem to have it bad all around, but I think the rules are a bit more lax in the tg community regarding sexuality, not only with representation, but also with acceptance. Anyway, I think gender and sexual-deviant transsexuals are just great...