I've been reading these threads since yesterday, and I am fascinated. Coming from the younger part of the community, I've been having issues in my head coping with gender identity. I know for a fact, I am a boy, and dealing with my body has affected my being over the years. I utterly feel dead nowadays. I feel ready to die as an individual, and suicide is more casual, rather than dramatic like it used to be. In result, I don't try as much as I used to in school, and don't really care about my health. Everyday I wake up, and look at my body, and think. "If I were to die today, I wouldn't mind.". I obviously see this as a problem, but I feel there's nothing I can do about it, like how there's nothing I can do about my gender. There are brighter days though, where I get motivation to make myself a healthier person. Like eating more healthy, clean more, write in a journal, socialize more, make goals for myself, and what I want to do with my eventually, etc; I get a huge amount potential, but then, when I look in the mirror, "There's nothing you can do,". Sometimes I get depressed, but usually go to bed and give up on my dreams I had previously. I know treatment shouldn't be the only thing to shoot for because relying so much on something other than yourself doesn't make you truly happy. But that's my problem, or at least one of them. I really am inpatient, and I feel like three years will never come, just as I thought turning 15 wouldn't. So my concerns are: Is this something I cope with; is it a real issue?
Of course it's a real issue. Don't ever let anybody tell you it is not. Unlike LGB people, where if it weren't for discrimination, it wouldn't inherently be something difficult to live with, trans* people face both disgusting discrimination AND the fact they are stuck in a body that is the opposite gender from what they truly are. I am so sorry that you have to go through this ordeal, and never doubt the fact that it is real, nor should you ever listen to people who tell you you're lying to yourself or other such lies. I obviously can't speak from personal experience as I'm cis, but my advice to you would be to take gradual steps to learn to live with it. It will take a while, but you need to recognize that you won't suddenly wake up and be in the right body. Of course, you can go through HRT and have operations to alter your physical body, so there is a glimmer of hope Obviously it won't be the same, but it is something. Try and focus on other things that interest you and work hard to find motivation and concentrate it on these things. Try and take your mind off of this for the time being (aside from working on transitioning) and channel your energy into working on whatever you're passionate about. If you don't think you're passionate about anything, try and discover what that could be. Good luck! And know that you are strong for not giving in to the temptation of suicide.
I can relate a lot to what you have said here Wandering Faron. You sound a lot like me (though I am the opposite side of the coin) when I was 18 in my senior year of Highschool. As I was 18 I can't relate to being too young to transition without parental consent though. I know it sucks right now but eventually you will be able to transition. It doesn't magically make you happy though. If you are prone to depression now, you will likely still be prone to depression after. What I can say though, is that you will become way more at peace with your body. I remember I used to go for these walks at night, and I'd just cry WISHING and WILLING myself to just die. I didn't really want to die though, I just didn't want to live -- not as a guy at least. You have a LOOOOOONG life ahead of you. Once you transition, you will eventually get to live your life as a guy for longer than as a girl (perceived to be anyway) I know how rough it is, but you can make it. I truly, NEVER thought I'd get to where I am now. But here I am, living life full time as my true self. The road was bumpy -- and still is -- but somehow, someway, I progressed. You are not alone. You have an army of people in this community who have your back. It gets better.
Thank you so much. I cannot say how grateful it is to be able to hear--even from a cis person-- such great advice, and too from someone who went through the same thing(on the other end). Gah, thank you so much, you are wonderful people. (*hug*)(*hug*)
