I know I'm transgender. Now comes the hard part.

Well that all depends, however if nothing else I think we can say don't worry about how they will pay for procedures just yet because unless you have amazing doctors they aren't going to happen quickly!

As for coming out to your family, there are loads of ways of going about it. Is there any one family member you think you could tell, who will keep the secret for now, that might take it well?

 

Hmm, you shouldn't rush into anything.
Depending on the rules in your country, your insurance may cover the expenses. But you will have to be patient and I don't think it is necessary to mention it to you parents right now.

What about adding for example more colors to your wardrobe to see their reaction? Don't shock them, try to let them get used to he different image of you and then you will see how safe it is to come out.

 

Yeah, this is not something you want to rush. It'll be a couple years bare minimum before you'll be able to consider procedures but it's never too early to begin saving funds.

I'll tell it to you straight- you need to be prepared for any and all possibilities. And there may be, as unfortunate as it is, a chance that your family may not financially support you during transition. My family's agnostic and liberal, my mom's a huge LGB supporter, and yet she for instance refuses to support me transitioning to male. Though it is too soon to say, I'll admit. Even if your family initially rejects you, there's a good chance they'll come around once the reality of you wanting to transition sets in.

Now, I don't mean to worry you or cause undue anxiety. But the best advice I can give for transition is to hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Save and research as if you'll be transitioning with no family financial support but never assume that support will never come around.

 

Well OK. One thing comes to mind, you say 'most likely', do you actually have proof of this or is it just a hunch? I know trans-is-fine isn't exactly written into the quran or anything, but is it possible they aren't as immediately opposed as you think?

Also, if you really think you can trust your sister, I would tell her. If nothing else it means one person knows and when you feel you can tell your parents you have someone else they trust who can say 'Well actually they've been feeling this way for a while', to try and get that 'phase' thing out of the way.

 

There isn't unfortunately one procedure you can get and then you're a girl. The going in for surgery on Friday and being a girl on Monday is unfortunately only in the movies. But that is good news as far as money.

Hormones take a couple years to change your body into a female one, and those are not expensive. You will need to set aside on average $50 a month out of your paycheck. The only expensive part is doctor visits, and insurance will cover those. The only expensive surgeries are the one on your face and the "down there" surgery, and there is a cheaper "down there" surgery that some of us get that lets you delay the more expensive one as long as you want to. And not all of us need the one on the face.

Also since you have already gone through puberty, waiting a few years to start hormones will not make as much of a difference as you may have heard.

So what I am saying is, it's realistic for you to do this without your parent's help and not as expensive as people make it sound. My sex change is probably going to cost about $4,000 total, not including the hormones I will need to be on for life. Although once I get that other surgery I was talking about (which is where most of the money goes, about $3,000, so really most of everything I get will be $1,000), those hormones will go down to about $30/month . I won't have a vagina for a very long time this way, but I don't plan on dating, so this won't be as important to me.

I may eventually want to get a vagina, which would cost about $15,000 (and insurance might help with that), but if I do it would be after saving for years. I would get it again so I can date, and so I can do things like go swimming and use the locker room without worrying about problems. But I don't need one to be a woman. I am a woman already, or else I wouldn't want to go through all this.

There is plenty you can do for free too.

If your sister knows about you, and you have a safe place away from your parents, she can help you catch up on being a girl. You can be around her and practice speaking in a more feminine voice too, for free, and without telling your parents. Most of us don't get any surgeries for our voice, it's all training and practice.

Since you know you are trans, even if you don't do anything, and you are worried about your parents, you should probably have a "just in case" plan as far as friends who will let you stay with them if things go bad with your family ever. Sometimes secrets have a way of coming out when we don't want them to. Once you have a back-up plan in place, if you still want to tell your parents, I think you'll find it is a million times easier too.

 

Hey congrats on coming out to your sister It helps TONS having someone safe to talk to about this stuff.

Don't feel obligated to come out to your family if you don't want to. It is your choice. Sometimes it's better to wait until you are living on your own.

I also want to mention, only ever do anything medically because you feel like you need to do it. I know some "non-op" people that manage to be themselves just fine. Surgeries won't make you a girl; you and I are already women. They will just make it easier (or even possible) to live life as a girl for some of us.

As far as how long it takes, it really varies person to person, so I can't give you a hard and fast number. But they usually do most of their work in about 2 years. Between that and hair removal a lot of us end up passably feminine. Don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't, I am not there yet myself. There is also hair, make-up (although it is nice once you get hair removal done and you don't have to do this any more), and the clothes you choose to wear.

So with that in mind I would plan on waiting more than 2 years for FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) if you plan on doing it. It's really unpredictable what insurance will and won't cover, so you are looking at an unrealistic $625/month . 5 years setting aside $250/month would be more realistic.

Hormones won't change the shape of your face very much, but between laser hair removal and electro, growing your hair out, and the softness hormones give your skin, not everyone ends up needing FFS. A lot of us that do put this one off for a long time.

Also the numbers I gave you really don't mean much of anything, they really are rough estimates. All this stuff really varies a lot place to place. I only gave you some because there is a lot of misinformation out there, and I know it leads some of us to make bad decisions. Not knowing even ball-park figures is part of what kept me in the closet for a long time.

A website that does probably a better job breaking everything down than I did here is tsroadmap.com .

Do you have an LGBT center near where you live though? If you want good information, that is really the absolutely best place to go. The one close to where I leave even has full time staff that will help you find trans-friendly insurance.