My attraction towards femininity seems to collide with my desire to be feminine.

I know exactly what you mean. But well, reversed.

 

This is a poem by Daphne Gottlieb, a cis woman.

the frightening truth about desire

it's on but
i don't know
whether i want
to be
her, fuck her
or borrow
her clothes.

 

I haven't the foggiest. :icon_conf

 

If we're to believe crackpots like Ray Blanchard, there are two categories of transsexuals: "homosexual transsexuals", who are attracted to men and desire a normative female body to attract them, and "heterosexual fetishistic transvestites", who find the idea of having a female body sexually arousing, but desire a heterosexual female partner. This would apply to MTF only.

I have a simpler explanation, and it's that it's definitely possible to be attracted to and envious of someone for their looks. Sometimes we seek out "opposites", and other times we seek out something closer to home, or someone who is at a "place" where we would like to be, somewhere down the road.

 

Actually..you may be on to something, something I thought of too. Often you see people who both wish for attention, and yet actively seek to "fit-in." Two question spawn from this: "is this contradictory (usually a statement, actually)?" and "How can they accomplish both at once?" The truth is, I believe, that we as social beings wish to be seen as "individuals" but not outcast; we want others to know who we are, but not for a negative reason or in a negative light. We want to be seen as A cool kid, but also being recognizable by appearance/personality, at least so others know our name.

It's slightly different in this scenario: we wish to be similar to someone, but we desire them too. Transitioning will sometimes come with the desire to fully fit in with the intended gender, so we look to people who (we at least believe) are that gender naturally. At the same time, we desire that same gender/sex, but when we recognize our personality matches theirs, it becomes disheartening. Why? It may be because we don't wish to literally love our "reflection" and thus will push aside our attraction fearing that the relationship may end up being everything we know because it's "us" dating ourselves.

That's just my theory; take it, leave it, have it for lunch, it all comes down to individual experience and it's only a theory that can apply to some (I'm sure plenty of trans will have experiences contradicting this, but that's expected really).

Oh, and I have thought about my femininity...and it seems like I have fits of wanting to be masculine and feminine...maybe when I look for someone, I'll have this same problem :l

 

Confusingly (I am MAAB), I feel this way about guys. When I see a really cool, confident, hot guy, I start to want to be boyish. Not really in a masculine way but it makes me idealize being a boy. I wanna be a pretty little femmey twink (but I want their confidence and calmness and decisiveness too).

When I'm not thinking/fantasizing about boys as much and I'm back in the real world I feel more happy as a girl. It's pretty weird.

Can't say I experience this with women but to be honest most women have personalities that aren't romantically attractive to me at all and I am fairly demisexual.

 

Is there a like thumbsup button for posts? lol
Great poem!

WOW, this makes a lot of sense for me, for a while I wanted to be a woman and the thought of having a woman body was/is extremely arousing, is not so much the dressing up, I never really like dressing up much, but having a feminine looking body and face was what I wanted. At the same time, I really felt attraction towards women, I was just a wreck lol. I was just starting to figure myself out. It took a long time (10 ish years) and I don't think anyone will fully understand themselves completely.

I was also thinking, don't lesbian women feel this way? I know I certainly do towards men. I really would love to look like X guy and at the same time want to *cough* him lol
Though it's probably not the same, is it?

 

I was just thinking that myself. Do homosexual people also have mixed feelings of attraction and envy? It may very well be the same thing.

I get where you're coming from. I have met girls that I find sexually attractive, and I have also met girls who had nice outfits and I wondered if I could pull that look off. In my case, it has rarely been a mix of the two, but I know it has happened to me.

But consider for a moment that this is just a result of your varying gender identity. Like I questioned above; if you identify as female (sometimes) and are attracted to females, then it would only make sense for the two feelings of lust and envy to collide, right? Now, as for any sexual arousing that may have happened while cross dressing, that came from your male half. I know when I first started cross dressing I would get aroused. Now, not so much, because I'm used to it and I don't really try to contain it or keep it to myself anymore. Since it feels normal, it's not triggering my excitement in such a way.

 

For me, it's usually all of the above.

EDIT: Sorry for the uninsightful reply. But's almost 3:30 AM where I'm at and I have to wake up at 6:30. Consider this thread bookmark'd for later reply.

 

I feel the same. Thank you for thread

Greets

 

It's likely a stupid thought I have here and feel free to say so, but why not just sleep with her and then barrow her shoes?

 

Just my $0.02, but there is something incredibly intimate about knowing that the person you're with is feeling exactly what you're feeling.

 

This works for me. Can't tell you how many shirts I've borrowed off of boyfriends, only to grudgingly have to return them later...

 

I need to print it out, frame it and then hang on the wall in my bedroom.
This is the heart of the matter.

It is not so simple as it seems to be...