Coming Out Transgender..Selfish?

It is definitely NOT unfair to your daughter. You are who you are and your daughter will be open-minded if you raise her that way. I had this fight with my mother quite a few times. I have three daughters and I was married to a man but I am a lesbian. My mom has a closed mind when it comes to lesbians who have been with a man (and have children) and that's why I haven't been able to start coming out until now at 25. And, the answer to your post title, it is definitely not selfish!

 

"is that unfair to my daughter and family"

It might be if tomorrow morning you got up and said 'right, from now on you call me Dad' but otherwise, no. It'll be hard for everyone involved so you need to know exactly how you're going to handle your daughter if nobody else.

 

As a trans guy married to a straight guy, I've struggled with this a bit. However, you owe it to yourself to be honest. You deserve the life you want, as does everyone else.

 

It does seem to be selfish, doesn't it? How old is your daughter? Sometimes kids are more accepting than adults.

And welcome to EC

 

No, you will be able to be both. You already are, don't you see? (*hug*)

 

Its not selfish at all and since your child is so young its not like they will remember you being their "mom" I say you should transition if you want to since everyone deserves to be happy. Not every child needs one mother and one father roles can have just have dad but no mom and be perfectly happy.

 

Although I don't have any scientific evidence to back this up, I feel like a child does not really need a father and a mother. As long as a child has a guardian that loves him/her unconditionally that stays with the kid through the childhood I don't really think that the gender matters. Single mothers, single fathers, homosexual couples, even polygamy seems okay to the kid. As long as the parent (if solo) doesn't bring a new partner home every so many weeks I can't see how it would confuse him/her. The gender roles and family structure are not completely hardwired in our brains, but mostly aqcuired through nurture. As long as the kid sees you as a parent, the gender won't matter all that much.

(Disclaimer: My own hypothesis, have not looked for scientific evidence!)

 

Is it selfish? Maybe a little bit, but who says that means that it's bad? If we were entirely selfless we would never be happy, and with something this big, honestly, you owe it to yourself - and to your daughter. She deserves the loving and present father you should be in her life. (*hug*)

 

She's so young. Be who you are. Your daughter is young enough to adjust. Babies don't know judgement and discrimination. By being proud of who you are, it will teach her to do the same one day when it is important.

 

and

Try thinking of it like...you're giving her a father who is at peace with himself enough to focus on giving her the upbringing she deserves.

 

Hi, nice to see you back! How have you been? Is the future looking more promissing?

 

Not really selfish. You deserve to be who you want.
Kids tend to be really understanding anyway, and she'll know how to keep an open mind.

 

I've got a wife and 4 kids ages 18 mos to 7. Alls I can say is this: Android platform won't work in an iPhone. Can't be cis- anything if the psych isn't in line. Ever see the resentful parents that say they could have done __ if it weren't for their kids? There ya go.

---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 01:52 PM ----------

If you're not true to yourself, no one else will be either.

 

I don't have kids, and I don't have a family of my own to speak of (I'm not even out of high school) but if you want a teen's perspective, I think you should go for it. I would rather my own parents be happy than feel trapped in a body that isn't right for them. I wouldn't want them to suppress anything on my behalf.

 

Ash that is surprisingly insightful and helpful from a young perspective. We all with kids thank you I'm sure!

 

Something tells me you love your daughter. I think you'll be a fine dad.

 

By the way ... Saying "cisgender" I'm quotes is probably your answer. If you're Dad and not Mom then I think you should listen to ash. Go for it. If you aren't true to yourself then no one else will be either. Go for it, Man! We're here if no one else is!