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Apathy

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Valkyrimon, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. Valkyrimon

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    I've ended up stuck in this phase which is really bothering me. I just feel apathetic about everything. I can't even do the things I love like writing, reading and playing video games and it just sucks. I feel like I just can't do anything except shut myself in my room and try to pass time somehow. I just feel like curling up into a ball and expiring. I really don't have anything better to do and I just can't shake this feeling. My therapist is trans, but comes out with the most stupid shit that sounds like some cishet transphobic drivel that makes me feel worse after therapy rather than better. I've never ever met my best friend, who is the most supportive person I know. They live on the other side of the country and they're the only person I really care about, but the furthest from me. Everything just seems to suck so much right now.

    I know there isn't really a question to this yet, but I just want to learn some kind of coping mechanism. I just can't get myself out of this rut.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    I know that feeling, it's horrid! As for a coping mechanism...that's really hard, because it requires you to do a whole lot of things you can't bring yourself to do before it works.

    What is your therapist saying to upset you so much out of interest? I can't imagine that's helping anything!
     
  3. Starry Eyes

    Starry Eyes Guest

    I know exactly how you feel. I get into those kind of moods from time to time. Less now than I used to, but that is because I am trying much harder to keep myself busy.

    I know it can be hard to explain why you are apathetic towards life, but I think you should try to tell us what is causing this feeling. Because without knowing what is causing this feeling it might be hard to give you a strategy to cope that will work.

    Also, it sounds like you just need a hug.(*hug*)
     
  4. gravechild

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    It honestly sounds more like depression than anything else.

    Having lived in a negative environment, and being predisposed to it, though, I've gone through years wondering what was the depression talking, and what was "me", and yes, the apathy was a huge part of it.

    For you, it might help to evaluate your situation to start moving in the direction you'd like, just as soon as you start feeling better. Some people fight it, while others wait for the feelings to pass, or you can do some combination of the two and start taking small steps.
     
  5. Valkyrimon

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    We were talking about sexuality and she was all "Technically, you're gay, because you have these parts" and it was just really off-putting. Plus, she always keeps bringing up this speech where she goes on about how I'm not going to look like this or that and know that. However, it's really debilitating to have her reinforce that over and over. It just depresses me and that's just the opposite of what she's supposed to be doing.

    I think it's just general dysphoria. I feel I can't do anything because of it. It's been like 14 months since I got in contact with the NHS about it and I still haven't had one appointment at the gender clinic. I feel like nobody cares. I'm also so lonely all the time. I don't know anyone IRL who is trans and all my friends have gone to university now, so I just... exist.

    I think it could be depression, but I haven't had it checked because I just don't care enough. I don't care about anything anymore it seems.
     
  6. BookDragon

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    ""Technically, you're gay, because you have these parts""

    What the ever loving fuck. Excuse my language but seriously. If it were me I'd be looking for a new therapist right about now...

    "I think it could be depression, but I haven't had it checked because I just don't care enough. I don't care about anything anymore it seems."

    That's like...the textbook definition, also the 'check' is you going in to the doctors and saying look mate I'm depressed. They will ask you questions and may or may not refer you. You may have to ask for tablets it depends. But I'd go see your doctor if I were you, because if it IS depression, you don't want it getting worse without help!
     
  7. Valkyrimon

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    Okay, I'll see about getting it looked at professionally. Thanks for your help (*hug*)

    And about the new therapist... she's the only one within reasonable range who knows gender stuff. I think I may just give up on the therapy point. It's just so much hassle.
     
  8. Starry Eyes

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    Well, I care. I know how hard the feeling of dysphoria can be. I'm completely in the closet about my issues except for here. So just know you are not alone when it comes to this stuff.

    And, yeah, I agree that you should find a new counselor. The current one sounds very unhelpful.
     
  9. Hexagon

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    This is depression, I think.

    More importantly, get a new therapist. NOW.
     
  10. Nick07

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    (*hug*)
    a good not-gender therapist is much better than a bad gender therapist...