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where are all the ftms? im looking for support

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anonym, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. anonym

    anonym Guest

    I think my confusions has ended and I'm finally settled on my feelings about my gender. I'm waiting for a referral to the specialists but I need some help in the mean time. I can't seem to find any ftms:icon_sad: I'm looking for people to talk to about how to begin transition and manage it all etc
     
  2. Cynder

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    I'm ftm!
    And I'm open if you ever want to talk. Just message me!
     
  3. justjade

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    :smilewave

    I'm FtM! Feel free to drop me a line any time.
     
  4. Oddish

    Oddish Guest

    Transguy here, socially transitioned a while ago and upcoming on my official six months on T.

    Feel free to shoot me any questions :slight_smile:
     
  5. suninthesky

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    Heya, feel free to post on my wall since I don't think you can message yet, it'd be nice to get to know you.
     
  6. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    FtM as well. Haven't begun medical transition but I'm beginning to socially transition and come out to family.
     
  7. BradThePug

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    Another FtM here! Feel free to message me if you want to talk! I start socially transitioning and I am currently in gender therapy.
     
  8. clockworkfox

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    FTM, you can message me, etc, like these other fine gentlemen have been saying.
     
  9. Caillin

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    Im FtM you can post on my wall or message me if you can.
     
  10. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately I am not able to message yet. I'm not a full member yet so I can't message but would be great to talk to some of you
     
  11. justjade

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    Post it on my wall! :grin:
     
  12. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Well as I'm looking for as much advice as possible I thought I would just carry on this thread and hopefully get some answers from all of you :slight_smile:

    I'm having a really difficult time coming to terms with being trans since I didn't always know. I only started getting gender dysphoria at the age of 24 and I'm now nearly 26. Before then I was quite girly and thought I was a lesbian still in the closet. But once that label didn't fit, I realised I am supposed to be a guy. The thing is I am scared of becoming a totally different person and not in a good way. I currently experience a kind of dual personality - me the person I've always been (but now gender dysphoric) and a male persona. When I feel male though, I do not feel like me. I don't like feeling like this and it scares me that I am going to become someone I hate. I'm also struggling to let go of the old me and having a kind of grieving process where I absolutely don't want to transition but remain the person I've always been and never grow up. The problem is I can't do this because of my gender dysphoria. It's unbearable. I have to become a man, but I don't want to. I'm not sure if this is normal among trans?

    Also I have so many fears about becoming a man, or rather being a trans guy.

    I have never had a relationship because I didn't come to terms with my sexuality until I was 24, at which time I realised that I'm not a lesbian but a guy. I'm scared that I will never be able to have a relationship because women will refuse to date me, they won't be satisfied with the sex etc etc After all it's going to take years to fully transition and even then I don't know how a trans guy compares to an average man after surgery. I hope you don't mind me asking but how do you find things dating wise?

    Also employment is another worry. I don't want to have to get a job lying about my trans status only to be discriminated against when I start to transition. How do you find best to approach employers as a trans guy?

    Finally, I am going to have to move out of my area to start transition and cut all ties with my family, work colleagues and friends. I have already lost the only friend I have had throughout this because I feel that I am changing to become more masculine whereas he is very feminine. The way I am changing seems to have changed our relationship so there is nothing that connects us any more. I'm finding the same with my therapist so I am going to have to move on. It's as though making the mental/social transition from female to male is changing all of my relationships with people so that I don't feel the same about them any more and I'm very sad about this. Still, it has to happen. But have any of you had to move away, start from scratch, delete your old life and start a new one? If so how did you cope? What did you find helpful?
     
  13. justjade

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    I got married to a straight man before I came out to myself earlier this year. We're staying together, and we're very happy. I'm a non-op FtM though. I'm kind of walking a fine line.

    As far as jobs go, I'm not really out at work. I mean, I'm out to some people, but not everyone, and I still present female at work.

    However, what I can tell you is that transitioning, even just socially, will inevitably change your relationships with people. All my friends who know treat me a little differently than they did before. I was a little frustrated with myself and my situation at first, but I've gained so much clarity and happiness from this that I can't even consider going back. It's amazing! I mean, yeah, I have some really bad days, but for me, they're mostly days when I'm forced to present female.

    However, this is not going to make me leave my hometown. If people don't like who I am, it's not of their business, and if they insist on making it their business, they can suck my imaginary dick.

    What I'm getting at is that transitioning should make you feel more like yourself or get you closer to being who you want to be. It's not about being a man or a woman in the end. It's about being who you are. For instance, if the effects of testosterone make you uncomfortable, don't take it. There's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want to get phalloplasty, then don't get it done. Only do what's comfortable and what you can live with.
     
  14. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Some interesting thoughts. Transitioning makes me feel less like my self, although closer to what I believe I want to become. hmmm maybe it's just because my trans feelings are relatively new?
    I've been thinking about surgery recently even though I am nowhere near even but I don't think I would want it. I mean it would be great to have a penis to pee and for sex but it looks agonizingly painful...
    I know I want to be in a happy relationship with a woman though and I know this is a tricky and controversial subject but I'm going to be honest and put it out there anyway - I fear that there are several key things a woman wants from a man and a large and fully functioning penis is one of them.....
     
  15. justjade

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    Phalloplasty is probably not what you want then. There's a high risk of revision surgery and the newly implanted phallus being rejected by the body and falling off. There's Metoidioplasty, which is the better option, in my opinion, or at least the lesser of two evils. There are STP packers for using urinals, and of course there are strap-ons for sex. I've read about FtM's experiencing the sensation of a phantom dick when using a strap-on for sex. The advantage of those is that you'll be able to offer plenty of options to partners as far as size, and none of them will go soft.

    I'm very against bottom surgery, though, simply because it just doesn't sound to me like it works very well, if at all.
     
  16. anonym

    anonym Guest

    how do partners feel about this tho? i know it should be about what i want but if its an issue for partners opting not to have surgery, then....i dont know. also i think the skin taken off the arms or thigh looks so painful :frowning2:
     
  17. Sarcastic Luck

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    Remember: not everyone is interested in sex. There's also the option of toys that pleasure both parties. Not being able to physically have sex isn't an end all. There's plenty of heterosexual couples where the man is unable to get an erection that are quite happy.
     
  18. clockworkfox

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    It's a myth that trans individuals have always known they're trans. I have known for a long time that something was up, but I didn't really know I was trans until a few years ago. Even though I know I'm trans now, and I know that it's ok that I didn't know forever, I still find myself looking for signs that I've always known. Don't be like me and drive yourself crazy doing this. If you know you want to transition, and you believe it will make you happy, that's enough.

    Also, it's like Jade said, the end goal of transition isn't about becoming one sex or another - it's about feeling more like you.

    As far as dating goes, I'm currently in a relationship with a straight guy. He knows I'm a trans guy. We're very content. That's all I really have to say about that, I'm afraid.

    I haven't yet told my employers I'm trans. Not all work environments are hostile for trans people though. Try looking for companies that are generally non-discriminatory when it comes to gender, they do exist.

    If you really want to move away and cut all ties then I wish you the best of luck. But I plan on trying to build up the best safety net I can, right here at home - I can't afford to do anything else. I've lost most of my friends, not because of being trans, but because of time. It happens. Strangely enough, most of the ones I'm left with are all very supportive, at least the ones I'm out to are. I'm not sure how my family will handle it or what to expect.

    Also tangentially related, you can post on my wall if you want to also.
     
  19. anonym

    anonym Guest

    I wanted to cut everyone out of my life but I think I've realised I need them. I'm going to have to tell them, there's no other way
     
  20. Nick07

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    Hi,
    give it some more time. A year? You may change your opinion about what you need and want. Maybe social transitioning will be fully satisfying for you. Maybe simple change of your wardrobe or a haircut will work too. Your dysphoria may disappear then.