When people misgender you, do you correct them? Say you're an FtM like me, and someone calls you "ma'am". Do you say anything? Do you want to? Do you feel that you should? If you do correct them, what do you say? I'm getting kind of depressed because I don't feel at liberty to correct people, even if I've come out to them. I know, it's kind of a crock of nonsense, but I'm afraid to say anything. What I'm wondering is, should I? I guess this part doesn't even matter, but am I allowed to do this?
I get ma'amed frequently on the phone since my voice is high and soft. Then I lower it and they realize I'm a guy usually. It reminds me of Mr. Humphries answering the store phone "men's wear...er...Men's Wear.
In my opinion (I can be a bit of an ass at times) I would say yes you should feel free to correct them. You're allowed to do what the hell you like. If you're worried that someone will take offense, just think the way I do "Oh you're offended? Well be offended, nothing happens!" courtesy of the comedian Steve Hughes. Offending someone is perfectly fine, it's part of life and people need to toughen up. It doesn't hurt them, just their narrow minds. Feel free to be you and let them know who you are.
You have every right to correct them you don't have to forceful or make a big deal of it (unless they're doing it on purpose). Something like a gentle reminder should be okay, but stay persistent. If someone continuously calls you "Ma'am" just continuously correct them, and if they keep doing it, keep reminding them until they get it. I'm sure if you misgendered them, they wouldn't much enjoy it lol. Don't be afraid, just make sure to keep the respect and keep at it until they understand good luck!
Thank you. I will try. It's very hard. I get anxious in social situations to a rather unnecessary extent, but I figure if I do it enough, it will be fine.
Yeah, I feel the same. I'm too awkward to correct people most of the time so usually I just let it go. Actually, today I had a case of this. My Writing professor's using me as an example. Professor: So Jake, you and Byron will trade papers. You hand yours to her Me: Oh, uh... Professor: Him. Sorry. So you and he- him trade papers. And then you'll critique them before you hand it back to h- him." I don't see anything wrong with correcting even strangers, but if someone's well aware of your proper pronouns, then definitely correct away. I'm too chicken to correct family, my one exception.
I understand. I am blessed with the ability known as "social chameleon". Ok so it's not a real thing, I just made it up. But basically I can fit into any social situation anywhere with anyone, and get on quite comfortably as if I belong there even if I don't. I understand though that for others it's very hard indeed and I think myself lucky in that respect. You will most definitely get used to it though, and the more you are willing to stand up for yourself the easier it will be!
Thanks. I think it would be easier to start with strangers, although not my customers. That could get me fired. But yeah, I feel ya. I don't know why the idea of correcting people freaks me out so much. They're probably not even going to do anything except humor me, or, worst case scenario, they'll look at me funny and re-"correct" me. I honestly doubt anyone would actually make a scene over it, but then again, I don't think I'm a great judge of people.
I don't expect the general public to know of ze/zir, but when asked in trans circles, I'll opt to go this route, but tell them I'm more-or-less indifferent toward both masculine and feminine pronouns. Generally, I expect male pronouns when presenting masculine, and female when more feminine, but seeing that I'm non-binary, have always felt more the exception to the rule.
I usually don't need to correct anyone outside of school since I pass just fine (though I do get a lot of weird looks when I start driving...). At school though, there was this one time when the teacher didn't know what to address me as. Teachers all know about my transition, but the psychologist told them they must address me by my legal name. Though, in Art class, there are some students who don't know me at all and think I'm a cis boy. Teacher: So just pass the scissors to her. Student: Him? Teacher: Her? Student: Her? Me: Him. That was hilarious. She calls me him all the time now. Though, I guess I correct my mother's boyfriend all the time. He doesn't seem to get it, no matter how many times I correct him. I swear, it's been a year now that he knows. I guess if I had more chances to correct people, I wouldn't hesitate to do it.
Lol I'm just a regular old gay male, I don't know if this question applies to me...but I got called "ma'am" a few weeks ago at a Starbucks on the Upper East Side (I think I discussed it on EC at some point), the thought of correcting him never even crossed my mind, the look of shock and embarrassment on his face when I gave him my name for my order was quite enough. I've been misgendered numerous times I suppose (though I don't really identify as being male in gender so much as that I am forced to pretend to neatly fit into one little gender box or the other in order to fit into society), but I don't really know if they count since I'm actually dressing, acting, and looking femininely. So it seems wrong to correct them, they are just responding to the visual cues with which they have been trained to identify gender. But I have corrected some people when they've identified me as female, both cases involving bathroom usage, since if I didn't correct them I would have ended up in the ladies' room. On one occasion it involved being told I'm headed into the wrong bathroom at a bookstore in Chelsea, some kindly old gentleman was so generous as to put his arm over my shoulder and point me, "little lady", to the ladies' room, when I turned around said 'excuse me' in my manliest voice possible, apparently that was enough to 'correct' him, the look of shock and disgust was evident when he realized it was actually a faggot rather than his lovely "little lady", he didn't look at me or say a word after that, it was very awkward walking into that same bathroom with him then. The only other time I've had to correct again involved a bathroom, at The Dostoevsky Museum in St. Petersburg, Russia. Me and this other guy I was with both had to go to the restroom (or toyalet), so we asked this old babushka lady sitting at a desk where the bathrooms were. Our Russian being not quite perfect, we didn't quite understand why she was directing him one way and me the other way. Apparently she thought we were husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend or something, I started walking toward the door she was pointing me to and clearly saw the ladies' room figure sign on it, so I walked back, and not knowing quite what to say in my less-than-perfect Russian, all I said was, literally, "I am a boy", just two words in Russian (Я мальчик. Ya malchik.) And a look of shock and amazement came over her face, and she started waving me rapidly toward the men's room.
In my case I have been called miss or maam before by people who thought I was a girl and I actually didn't mind it. Overall I don't take what gender people refer to me by personally and so don't really ever correct them.
I'll slip in a reminder to people that I know if I notice that they are messing up. I usually do not correct people though.
This applies to me as well, though I generally go by male pronouns for convenience, and present as male most of the time. If someone addresses me by a feminine pronoun, I can be slightly irritated, but I wouldn't go out of my way to correct them esp. if they're some random barista, waiter, or cashier I'll likely never see again. (And I think I wouldn't like outing myself automatically to some stranger, or causing anyone to feel embarrassed.) As for friends/family, and classmates/professors, it's a little more personal, so I do stand up for myself and correct them when necessary.
I'm actually more likely to correct strangers since, as you mentioned, I'm never going to see them again. If I corrected my family or coworkers, I figure that would be more weird since I'm not out to most of them. But I understand what you're saying.
