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Hyperanxious about gender identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jan91, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. jan91

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    Hi,

    I am a bi-gay man. I crossed dress about 3 times in my life. Once when I was younger, the other two times were for a play and for a party. Didn't really mind it, thought it was funny. Never really had the compulsion to wear female clothes or change my gender.

    Recently however, I've been coming to terms with being gay. However I'm a really anxious person and I'm worried that I may actually be trans despite there being little evidence to suggest I am. Sure, I think a girl is 'fierce' or whatever... sometimes I even imagine myself in their shoes!

    SO... am I trans? Or is it just anxiety about being gay that's manifesting itself as this?

    I'd really appreciate some help, thanks!
     
  2. Nick07

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    Hi, from this short post, I don't think so. Trans people usually don't fear to be trans. They are relieved to learn that they finally know the answer to their problems.
     
  3. drwinchester

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    Yeah, adding onto Nick's point... I remember first figuring out my gender identity, I wanted to be trans. Because then, if I was trans, I'd finally be free to be a man. But I'd grown up hearing, "oh, to be trans, you have to fit certain criteria, trans people are mentally ill, be happy with what you have". Once I realized that being trans was who I was and that it was normal, then it was one of the most liberating things I'd come to realize.

    Take a deep breath. Crossdressing doesn't equal being transgender though you may hear of a lot of transpeople crossdressing as a means to release gender tension/dysphoria or even come to terms with the idea. Plenty of happily male identified people enjoy feminine clothing.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    See if you look at this from the outside, what you've told us is:

    "I'm gay, so am I also trans?"

    Is there anything in particular that is causing this confusion? Any thing you think or feel right now that makes you think 'I definitely could be trans'? If not, I really wouldn't worry about it too much! :slight_smile:
     
  5. anonym

    anonym Guest

    It could be possible that by coming to terms with your sexuality, you are coming to realisations about your gender as well. This is what happened for me anyway. It has taken me many months and in the beginning I did not 'want' to be trans. I would say I actually feared it but the feelings haven't gone away and now I'm starting to accept it. Just take lots of time to think about who you want to be and remember there are not just 2 genders.
     
  6. jan91

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    I think sometimes I think 'I'd rather be a woman'... but I have a feeling that this is to do with me not accepting my sexuality and thinking it's wrong! Can that happen? I've never really had an urge to be a woman... sure I act campy sometimes but I don't want to walk about cross-dressing or anything like that.
     
  7. Monika the Diva

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    They only thing I can add to this conversation is the following:

    Ask yourself these questions.

    1. Do you identify as female?
    2. How do you feel when you cross dress do you feel more comfortable dressing in women's clothing?

    These are but two examples, you just to take a moment to analyze things carefully.

    I hope this helped in some way.
     
  8. jan91

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    1. No, not really, just anxious that I might be...!
    2. No not at all... find it embarassing I guess?

    Not meant to be rude, sorry! But thanks for all the help you guys :icon_bigg
     
  9. BookDragon

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    Hey we'd rather you asked and it came out wrong than did something you later regretted!

    So basically from that, no, you are not trans. Or at least, you definitely don't seem it!

    However, next time you find yourself thinking " 'I'd rather be a woman'", write down your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself WHY you are thinking this. What brought that feeling on. It might make things clearer for you!
     
  10. SWAGboy

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    I am going through something really similar but for me it has been going on for about a year!
     
  11. jan91

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    Did you ever feel like a woman in teen years or anything? I never felt that way.. .which is why I think it's my anxiety...!

    ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2013 at 04:58 PM ----------

    Thanks... I think a lot of it is... "I wish I was because then my feelings for other men would be OK" if you see what i mean
     
  12. BookDragon

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    AAAAAH! Well that makes a lot of sense. So we're not quite in the 'being gay is OK' stage yet?

    So what is it about your feelings for other men that worries you? What is it that makes you feel like it isn't OK?
     
  13. SWAGboy

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    Well it all started when I was 19, nearly 20, and it has been going on ever since.

    It is a scary, worrying time.
     
  14. anonym

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    s:***: you're making me doubt I'm a transman :confused: My gender dysphoria began when I couldn't accept being a lesbian and has carried on ever since. I seemed to eschew all things related to women because I was revolted by my feelings. Can you make yourself trans????
     
  15. BookDragon

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    Well, no, not really. I mean you can convince yourself of anything if you try hard enough but it's not something you can completely force.

    If you are worried you might be confusing the two, then I would encourage you to consider the following.

    Ignore sex and relationships all together. What is it that makes you feel you were born in the wrong body? Because it's so much more than just sex. Obviously it's part of it, but most of your life you are not spending having sex. You're walking around, you are working or doing whatever it is you spend your free time doing. It's THOSE moments you need to think about. During those moments, do you feel your 'soul' if you will, whatever it is that is YOU has the right body?

    If I think about that, I know my answers. When I went out as a guy I would try and hide away. I would cling to my own shirt for...I guess protection. Look down and avoid eye contact. Try to make myself look threatening. I never smiled. Now I go out as a girl, I'm not scared. I look up and I look happy. I smile at passers by even if they give me a weird look! I know I'm trans because when I realised the girl in my head was real I loved her. I was absolutely terrified of letting her out, but I loved her completely because she is me, who I really am.

    I hope some of that helps.

    EDIT: I'll also add that I didn't start to accept that I'm trans until after I started questioning my orientation. As time has gone on I've realised there were so many moments I really should have thought about it before but I had NO IDEA about them until recently. So I understand your fear!
     
  16. anonym

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    Thanks for those questions. It makes me realise I am definitely trans. I think I am also suffering with BPD as well which makes it difficult to sustain a real sense of identity. It does seem that there is a link between accepting your sexual orientation and realising your trans then,

    ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2013 at 06:26 PM ----------

    The idea of becoming a man doesn't make me happy though. It makes me super anxious. Being a woman also makes me anxious. But for a while today, the idea of being between genders made me feel at ease. But I'm so sure I'm a transman! F:***:!

    For the others on this thread, how does the idea of becoming a woman make you feel? Does it make you feel happy?
     
  17. jan91

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    The more I read the more I'm convinced that I'm not! I don't think I'd enjoy walking around as a woman and the thought of it doesn't make me happy... I'm certain that I'm not... I'm not even sure if I am gay to be honest... but we'll see...!
     
  18. BookDragon

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    Jan, if I would just let it go for now, if it comes up some time in the future, by all means come back and we can address it again, but don't worry yourself too much for nothing! :slight_smile:

    Anonym - what is it about being a trans-man that makes you so sure you are one, as opposed to say, genderfluid or agender?
     
  19. Nick07

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    To tell the truth, I have never understood this. When I walk around, I feel like ME. I can be happier if the others see me in certain way, I can be happier if my body looks certain way, i can be happier in certain clothes, but no matter how my body looks, it's simply what I have been living with for xx years and it's ME. :rolle:

    ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2013 at 08:24 PM ----------

    I feel the same way about you :slight_smile: And what you said about wanting to be a woman so that finding a relationship and living with your partner was easier makes perfect sense. Some say I wish I was straight, you say I wish a was a woman.

    I think that anonym's reasons are different though (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2013 at 08:28 PM ----------

    Anonym, don't put so much pressure on yourself (*hug*) What about trying to find what makes you happy without labeling yourself? Maybe all your need is time. There are people who identify as androgynous or neutrois or genderfuid.
    It's about how to be happy not looking for a diagnosis. Try different things and let the transition be the very last thing on your list.
     
  20. jan91

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    Ahhh I'm so confused!!! If I could take a magic potion at this very moment to change my gender I think I would... does this make me trans? I've been suppressed all my life by others and I'm really submissive... could this have something to do with it? Please help me :frowning2: