I decided to start a new thread about this because I hate what I am experiencing. I constantly have gender dysphoria and I'm sure I'm ftm but I also experience switching to a male mindset which I really hate. I can't do the tasks I normally am capable of. It has a completely lower intelligence, no feelings for people and makes the world seem so one-dimensional. In fact I hate hate hate living in this mindset. My fear is that once I begin physically changing, this mindset will take hold and the back and forth from male to not-female-but-more-female will stop. I actually don't want to become a man. It doesn;t make my life feel better, it feels worse. Please help me what do I do?:tears:
I'm not transsexual, so this might be way off, but wouldn't realizing you're ftm and accepting it feel more like a step toward living as your authentic self than living as your assigned sex? What you're describing sounds a lot more like gender dysphoria, but reversed, and that makes me wonder how, why, and when you came to this conclusion? It's entirely possible that you lie somewhere on the trans spectrum, and are jumping to conclusions without proper evidence... also telling is how you describe your gender as "currently female". That to me says you see yourself as female for the time being, when most transsexuals *know* they're the opposite gender born in the wrong bodies at some point.
I currently feel at this point that I am fighting off the male mode that keeps taking over me because I don't like it. Having said that I have terrible gender dysphoria about my body being female and that doesn't go away. What I'm saying is that becoming a man doesn't feel better, yes it relieves the dysphoria but I dont like the psychological switch that happens whenever I wove towards it. What do I do, just accept it and let it take over? It is nothing like the person I know myself as but its there fighting to get out :-(
So is it the societal expectations that come with being a man that feel limiting? Or is it internalized transphobia that have you fighting against yourself? It's possible that you're gender fluid, like one of my friends, who has seriously considered transitioning before, and tells me that ze experiences gender dysphoria just as strongly as any transsexual, except it swings back and forth like a pendulum. I'm still trying to understand where exactly you're coming from, so try to be patient with me... If you'd like, I'll even share how I experience dysphoria from time-to-time.
yeah its definitely dysphoria and at its worst at the moment. :-( I cant bear to look in the mirror, I hate the sound of my voice. But for some reason I don't want to become a guy because I experience a psychological change that I don't like
There are other options besides just female and ftm, you know... http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Nonbinary_gender
I know but I don't fit any of them. I know I'm male, I feel it fighting to be freed but I don't want to lose feeling more female
Sorry, I'm at a complete loss here, but perhaps taking your mind off the whole gender issue for a bit (I know, easier said than done at this point) would do you some good. If these thoughts persist, I'd talk them out with a professional, and/or keep researching and asking questions, and if not, try to drop it, since it's causing you so much distress.
Is this really a male mindset, or a stereotype you have created in your head? What makes it a male mindset to you?
Well my friend did say the way I describe myself when I feel like this is a stereotype but I have no control over it - it just switches. When I see good looking guys I do feel like that's how I want to look. Yes there may be slight attraction there at the same time but I know I don't desire to be with a man. But I don't want to feel in this 'male' mindset. It feels like a mental block
Well, I get that you can't control it, but, if you agree that it is a stereotype then have you considered that it's not really a male mindset, just a different mindset? Maybe you don't have to label it as a male mindset. There is no reason you have to be trans if you don't want to... and really you shouldn't, because it's only worth it if it makes you happy. Umh, just some things to think about!! )
