hi everyone.. sorry in advance for making this a little long... don't really know where to start to be honest. im a female in my early 30s, always lived my life as a heterosexual but always knew that it never felt quite right. as a kid i felt like a boy, identified myself with boys, looked like a boy, made people call me by a boys name etc. when i was around 8 my parents started to get worried, and i guess i could sense that, and started acting like my gender (wasn't quite as simple as it may sound). and thats how its been ever since, I've been living with this lie of how i truly feel in order to please my parents, feel "normal" and have an easy life. i feel like I've been ok doing this, I've dated boys (but obviously never settled down and people always wondered why because "I'm so pretty and sweet") and in a way i wasn't really honest with myself and kind of wondered why i can't find "mr right"... but deep down inside, i guess I've always knew. about 6 years ago i met this girl that i fell so in love with, i adored her more than anything but kept my feelings to myself as i didn't feel comfortable "being gay". i just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. about 1 year ago we stopped talking.. my life started to fall apart, and while all that was happening, i found out that my dad had lived a secret life with another family. my mom and sister decided to forgive him, while i on the other hand couldn't, mostly because of that and also because he had been violent towards me before.. so i kind of lost my whole family since we don't agree on anything. I've pushed away my friends cause my life is a mess at the moment and I'm starting to feel more and more uncomfortable living this lie that I've been so ok living before. so i guess I've kind of hit rock bottom, no friends, no family and all these feelings of not being comfortable with who i am. all i really keep thinking about is how much happier i would be if i was true to myself, if i got to transition, if i could live as the gender i identify myself with. but i don't know how i could do it by myself? maybe it would be easier to do it by myself and not having to tell anyone? i don't feel comfortable at all having to tell people in my past that i really feel like a man and not a woman... i don't think right now is the best time for me to start this very long and hard journey of transitioning, but i think about it constantly (and always have). i honestly don't really know much about the actual surgeries... and i guess I'm a little worried cause i look very female so to speak, short (5'4) and curvy, and kind of wondering if my body would ever feel like a man's body. i guess what i am saying is, this is the first time i feel like i really want to do something about how i feel, so if anyone have any ideas, suggestions or stories they would like to share, i would be very happy to listen to what you have to say. thanks so much for reading this...
If you feel, deep down, that transition is what you need to be a happier, healthier, more confident and motivated person, then you should just do it. It sucks, but when it comes to decisions like this you have to be kind of selfish. This is about you and your happiness, no one else. I'm 6'2", I have to shave my face every day, I started my transition with mild hairloss, tons of muscle, and absolutely no idea what I was doing. My family flipped their freaking lids, because I never let on one bit about my feelings about my body and about my gender identity. I was scared, lost, panicky, and alone. And you know what? Things got better. I have never been so happy. Happy with my body, happy with my appearance, happy with my job, my friendships, the way people treat me, and the way I treat myself. Transition was the hardest, and the most rewarding choice I have ever made in my life. I hope that you find the answers you are looking for. Just know that many have stood where you are standing right now, and if you need someone to talk to I'm happy to listen.
i want a transition too, I've always been into painting my nails and looking cute like a girl..I've even worn panty hose before! (my mom's) haha
