So tomorrow lunchtime I have an appointment with the local NHS mental health unit. I asked my GP to be referred on to get my medical transition underway and this is where he sent me. Essentially, I'm scared. I shouldn't be. I know that. I know I'm doing the right thing and I know it has to be done in order to progress to where I want to be, but still it sits in my head and scares me. I'm deep in the middle of a depressive episode at the moment which I was hoping to be over by now. I've spent most of the last 3 days in bed because I just didn't want to see the world. My anxiety is starting to get to me. "What if I say the wrong thing" "What if they won't refer me onwards" and so on. Historically I have not been good at sharing my feelings with people...I've gotten better since accepting myself but I still don't know how I'll handle it. A brand new person who I need to explain this to. A person who basically holds my future in their hands...I can easily rationalise WHY this isn't something I should be worried about but it isn't taking. I'm worried I'll come back and be one step away from bursting into tears like I did the the first time I went to counseling or the first 10 times I went to therapy. I don't want that. I guess I just want some reassurance that it'll be OK...I know it will be but still...:icon_sad:
I'm sure that you'll be fine . I was nervous for my first appointment as well. I'm horrible at sharing my feelings as well. It took me a bit to open up to my therapist, and there are some things that I still have not told her because I am not ready to yet. It's a process, and this is the first step. I hope that it goes well for you
I was wondering where you had been (*hug*) It will be fine, you are doing the right thing. The important things are usually not easy, but they are worth the effort (*hug*)
Well, I thought I would update since I've been now. After spending the whole morning feeling really really scared, it went really well! The doctor and psycologist (psychiatrist?) where really lovely and they are writing to my GP to get me referred to the gender clininc!! The ball is rolling!!
