Hey everybody, I have got a really bad case of internalised transphobia and I was wondering if any of you could share any tips or ways that you managed to work through your transphobia and shame and begun to accept yourself. My internalised transphobia is rendering me unable to accept my trans truth and I cannot handle it. would appreciate it if any of you could help out.
Do you know what caused it to begin with? If you do, try to look for the root of your phobia and use logic to combat whatever claims have made you afraid. It might also be a idea to try and get used to the whole concept, watch some non-threatening videos/movies/series about it perhaps or even chat regularly with other transgendered people over periods of time.
Try watching Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. One of the drag queens in the movie is transgender. It's a fun movie about acceptance on many levels.
Yeah, it took some work, but to get over it I had to try it. I bought underwear. It took me a month to actually wear it. I bought a skirt and top, it took me even longer to wear those. But I had to even though I was worried about what people would say if they found out. It is also worth reminding yourself that there is nothing wrong with it. People don't like the idea because they see it as an uncomfortable change, but it doesn't HURT anyone. If you need it to be happy, than you need to remind yourself of that.
I am struggling with transphobia too :icon_sad: What I've realised is though, it's not my transphobia, it's other people's. If I hadn't grown up in a transphobic and homophobic environment there would be no reason for me to feel this way. It's other people's opinions and criticisms of being trans that have got stuck in my head and I can't get them out:bang: The irony is they can easily turn round and say 'oh it's fine we accept you' and I can't even :***:ing accept myself.:icon_sad: :icon_sad::icon_sad:
I didn't deal with internalized transphobia, but I did deal with internalized homophobia and biphobia. I found some wonderful role models who taught me there was more than one way to be bisexual, more than one way to be queer. Meeting people in person and making queer friends was awesome. Stereotypes scared me off because nobody ever fits the stereotypes and I worried that I would never find a place that I "fit". I learned to ignore Hollywood stereotypes and enjoyed movies/tv shows that broke those stereotypes. I realized I didn't have to abandon everything I was before I discovered that I was queer. But I no longer force myself to dress very feminine or very masculine or fit any particular style but my own. One of my favorite trans-women characters was Denise on Twin Peaks. I don't know how others feel about her, but I felt that she was treated with compassion and humanity. She was an FBI agent, she was professional, and while some characters in this conservative town were (realistically) put off by her initially, she was never treated as a freak or reduced to her gender identity. I thought that was pretty cool.
When you really think about what gender is, doesn't it seem weird that all people born one way are supposed to feel and behave one way and vice versa? It's actually a really crazy idea in my opinion. Gender is not intrinsically related to biological sex - that idea is a purely social creation. Once you accept that, really know it and appreciate what it means, it's easier to take a look at yourself and realise that you're ok the way you are. You want to express your gender as female - why should there be anything wrong with that?
Hmm ok I see, yeah I guess it takes time. It is just so hard to handle the situation. I am not sure that I am ready to start wearing girls pants yet. Yeah, that is a good point although it can be blimmin hard to get rid of cos it feels like it is my own :'( I just can't handle being a transsexual.
I find that it is VERY helpful to tell yourself, really out loud so you can hear it, things like "I am transsexual." and "I am a good person." and "I'm going to be okay." If you can start saying things like this to yourself, you will be undoing the phobic thoughts and replacing them with better things, using the same method that they were put there with: repetition over time. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not hurting anyone. You are going to be okay. This is who you are. Say it to yourself. Say it to others. Get a trusted person to say it to you. Repeat this over and over, and it will become the new internalization. It will replace the phobia with confidence. You'll be okay! It will take time, and therefore patience, but it is a very good thing to do, especially in times of high stress. Good luck!
Don't worry, it gets less and less scary the more you do it. If you're nervous, you can always do it somewhere you won't be heard. You can start quietly, and build up to normal volume when you're more at ease with it.
Okay, thank you for this helpful advice It is nice that I finally have something I can do to help me handle this wretched trans mess that I am in.
On the subject of internalised trans phobia, I have been feeling today kind of disgusted by myself because I am trans. I keep getting this feeling and it makes it really hard to be around other people because I feel I am so disgusting. Is this common? ---------- Post added 20th Dec 2013 at 05:38 PM ---------- To add to this, I just thought even if I was fully transitioned I would still feel a little the same way. I don't know why but I seem disgusted by myself in general. When people try to make conversation with me or be friendly to me I feel repulsed not by them but by me. Why do they want to know me? :-s is this trans related?
It's fairly common for a start, after all it's not what you've been led to believe is 'normal' behaviour. For weeks after I started wearing womens underwear I told myself I was some sort of sick freak for doing it until I realised that actually it doesn't hurt anyone, or even concern anyone. The idea of "Why do they want to know me?" isn't trans specific but it may well be related. After all if you're not totally comfortable with yourself you're going to wonder! You may find it goes when you become a bit more certain. The key thing for you to realise now is that whatever you are doing about this is OK. It doesn't hurt else, and you are doing it to make yourself feel like a real person. Otherwise, what's the point, yeah?
Just remember that you are dealing with emotional highs and lows that are normal in ones life time. Men, women, and children doubt their ability to be a comparable human when, they are up against so many other humans. Taking on our own identities in this big world is truly a hard job. Your perfecting the only you so please be kind to yourself and nurture your being with some sort of pleasurable knowledge. Try not to use your transition as a sort of scape to place all your grumpiness into there's more to it than the one big picture....Isn't there more to it?:icon_sad:
