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Getting increasingly angry and people start to notice

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RainbowGreen, Dec 10, 2013.

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  1. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Okay, I've been out for a year now at school. All my teachers know, the students know and most of the staff knows. The problem is, I can count on my hands how many people actually address me correctly. The more I hear my legal name, the more angry I get, and I can't help it! I try to stay nice and everything but then I do or say something rash. I actually want to be left alone until my appointment in February, since I'm sure that'll help a lot and hormones aren't that far from there.

    I try to stay away from people in my class who can't call me by the right name and pronouns (there's only one person who actually does it...), but they come to me anyway. They'll ask if I want to hang out (while saying my legal name) and I immediately answer no. Sometimes, I try to be subtle and not answer them until they get my name right, but they continue to bother me anyway. Last time, they tried to pass me a note, and when I ignored it, they shoved it in my face. I didn't even take the time to read it and just pushed it away and it fell on the floor.

    The psychologist says I should just tell them, but last time I said it to someone else, they thought I was rude! After that, I just told myself that I'll try to be subtle and make them understand that way, but they don't get it. Actually, my art teacher today went to see the psychologist because she was ''afraid'' of me. I don't even know what she's talking about... I just lost interest in her class (in school, really) because everything around me is there to remind me all the time that I'm ''not'' a boy, including herself. She says that she can't talk to me anymore and that I scare her. Really? I'm some bones with flesh! I can't grow muscles at all and the most dangerous thing I have is a set of keys.

    My mom wants me to talk to her to settle this out, but I'm just tired of this... I'll do it because the teacher is actually scaring me with those thoughts and because I don't want people to think I'll become a crazy psycho or something:confused:, but I don't know how long I can stand it.

    Has this ever happened to you? How do you/did you cope with this? I think I need support more than anything actually...
     
    #1 RainbowGreen, Dec 10, 2013
  2. Silver Sparrow

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    I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Can you just try to keep reminding people of your name and pronouns? Just a subtle dirty look can go along way.
     
    #2 Silver Sparrow, Dec 10, 2013
  3. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Had you considered asking to have a meeting with you, your teacher, your mother and your principal or another senior staff member? That way you have someone on your side AND someone who is supposed to be somewhat impartial so you can explain your issues. Your teacher has no reason to be scared of you just because you feel really uncomfortable and unless you're withholding information they haven't bothered to ask you WHY you might be uncomfortable...
     
    #3 BookDragon, Dec 10, 2013
  4. BreannaToBrian

    BreannaToBrian
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    School, school, school a mansion of morons... :dry:

    It seems like your dealing with a crowd of hard-headed people who can't catch a hint. So, I'd remind who ever refers you as your birth name and pronouns to call you the preferred pronouns and name with a firm and slightly stern tone. If they aren't paying attention to a polite correction then maybe a firmer more serious tone will be a warning to not make that mistake again. If they call you over to a group using your birth name, I'd ignore them until they LEARN to start calling you by your preferred name.
    Letting anger build to the point where people can see it isn't good for you and would make you stressed out all the more. It's stupid that someone called you rude for correcting them, but heck, isn't that what they're being when they are constantly calling you by the wrong name? You aren't wrong for correcting them.

    As for the teacher? Is it just me or have teachers become....insane? I've had my run with some crazy teachers and haven't quite solved them out. Anyway, I have no idea what the problem is with her being scared of you other then her not understanding transgenders and have become fearful. Which brings me back to your anger. You letting yourself become hostile might make that situation worse with her.
    If NOBODY can grasp that simple task of calling you by your chosen name and correct pronouns then that should tell you not to get so frustrated with them. Watch out, because I'm about to pass down a saying of ancient wisdom handed down by the munks that perch on the top of a mountain that stood since the first dynasty. *takes deep breath* You Can't Fix Stupid
     
    #4 BreannaToBrian, Dec 10, 2013
  5. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Thank you for your support :slight_smile: I really appreciate it.

    @BreannaToBrian

    I'll make sure to try this next time it happens, I just need to find a way to do it right. I still need to be around those people until June, after all.

    @ElliaOtaku

    Actually, I don't really want to try that. My mother said she'd side with the teacher and that I shouldn't be so angry because people have no obligation to call by that name and all that, so it would be better if it was just me, sadly.

    @Silver Sparrow

    I've just been giving dirty looks like you wouldn't believe! People just think I'm crazy or something...
     
    #5 RainbowGreen, Dec 10, 2013
  6. BookDragon

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    Alright, not your mother, is there anyone who WOULD stand up for you? Even a friend?

    If you do go and speak to your teacher on their own, I would suggest just telling them straight up about everything. Tell them all things you said in this post about how nobody bothers to acknowledge you as you have asked them to.
     
    #6 BookDragon, Dec 10, 2013
  7. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Sadly, no one sides with me on this. The psychologist did say that she'd try to calm her down, though. I'll try to talk to her about it, and I will make emphasis on how no one calls me right.
     
    #7 RainbowGreen, Dec 10, 2013
  8. StellarJ1

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    I agree that you should have a private meeting with your teacher, principal, and a school counselor/therapist if that is an available resource. (or if your therapist is willing to be available).

    With all due respect, your mother is wrong.

    You cannot control the immaturity of other students, but your teacher needs to support your reasonable request to call you the name that you identify with. She needs to make a concerted effort, otherwise she is as bad as the students. You deserve to be treated with respect.

    This might be a situation that she has never encountered before. Without acting out, I would try to share the information about how this is affecting you, and let her know what you need to feel more comfortable. Teach her.

    I'm sorry that you feel unsupported and ostracized. Being graceful in these situations is so hard. Don't let them get the best of you.
     
    #8 StellarJ1, Dec 10, 2013
  9. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Thank you :slight_smile:

    It's pretty hard to make people understand when I'm the only one here to explain it. You all seem to explain it better than me, it seems. The psychologist did say that I couldn't force people to call me by my preferred name, but it's true that I have no obligation to respond to it. I'll just try to explain myself again and see how it goes.
     
    #9 RainbowGreen, Dec 10, 2013
  10. BookDragon

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    "You all seem to explain it better than me, it seems."

    It's easy to explain things when it's not your problem! You can't force people to, but they DO have an obligation to use it, contrary to what your psychologist says. If you started calling your teacher "Arsehole" every time she spoke to you, she would be rightly insulted. Calling a you a guys name is really hurtful, and your teacher at the very least has a responsibility to not cause their students harm!
     
    #10 BookDragon, Dec 10, 2013
  11. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    Little update on this issue:

    I went to talk to my art teacher today, a few minutes before class. When I asked her why she felt that way about me, she refused to talk to me and ignored me. Then, later during the class, she actually sent me to the detention room (or however you call it). I spent the rest of the third period in there, and I don't even know why. I refused to do a reflection on it, since I though she was being completely ridiculous. Then, when it was over, I just went home because I didn't want anyone to see me in the state I was in. Yeah, that's what you do when you have a depressed trans student:

    1. Refuse to answer their questions.
    2. Send them to the detention room.
    3. Shove them their legal name in the face just before they go.

    I honestly don't know how people are supposed to put up with this. Did any of you have something this ridiculous happen to them? I don't even know how I'm going to finish this darn last week before winter break...
     
    #11 RainbowGreen, Dec 16, 2013
  12. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Go straight to your principal or whoever and talk to them about it, because your teacher is acting completely innappropriately.
     
    #12 BookDragon, Dec 16, 2013
  13. RainbowGreen

    RainbowGreen
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    I'll be seeing the psychologist tomorrow. She actually told me I could get the class in another room or something, meaning I wouldn't have to put up with her. My mom can't say I didn't try to talk to her.
     
    #13 RainbowGreen, Dec 16, 2013
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