STILL can't accept my transexualism

Please help. How do you really and I mean really come to accept your transexualism. I can go no further in life as a woman but I can't get to grips with the idea that I'm a man, or rather that I'm going to become a man through sex reassignment one day. I just can't cope. It's too much:icon_sad:

 

Have you tried seeing a therapist about this? Specifically a gender therapist? Maybe try it might help you ^_^ It was hard for all of us to accept it ourselves hell I did things I regret when I was in denial don't worry we have been through this and everyone on EC is here to help leave me a message on my wall if you want to talk xoxo

 

calm down. after all. you needn't be a man OR woman. and being a man isn't that bad, all of the time. men are nice and lovable creatures^. if you're one of them you do before SRS, it doesn't matter what is betweeen your legs. honestly. t

hink of sth nice and calm down
if you want more i'm here to talk for the next2 days at least

 

Thanks for the support. I'm so stressed. I am seeing a therapist but not specifically a gender therapist yet. I'm waiting for that. I just feel so confused. Outwardly in every day life I feel like I should be a man. That is the person that I feel I am but when I connect with my emotions in therapy I feel like I'm a woman. It's weird. Maybe it's the old me there inside. I didn't realize I was trans till adulthood which makes it even more difficult to accept. :-(

 

Hey,

I am in the same/opposite situation as you, same as in I can't come to terms with my transsexualism but opposite as in I'm going from m to f.

I totally can't get to grips with the fact that I'm a woman.

The only thing different from the first post is that I don't have the "can't go on living as a man"

 

It's not just me then. I have been trying to get used to the idea watching some youtube videos of pre-op/pre-hormone ftms and then post op/post-hormones as well and I'm absolutely terrified.:icon_sad: I can't imagine going through that. Even just dressing like a guy and using packers and devices to pee. I'm scared :tears:

 

OK, so we've accepted that you can't go on as female, so what is it about those things that scares you?

Obviously hormones are scary as hell, so are surgeries so we'll ignore those for a little while and focus on just presenting.

Think about clothes and hair, what is it about those that scares you?

 

Relax. Are you aware that you don't need to validate you feelings by agreeing to transition? If you are scared, simply don't do it, you arenot ready.
No therapist in the world and in their right mind will allow you to do that right now anyway.
Do you understand that transition will not change who you are? Your look would change, but if you like cars or cooking, it will stay, if you are nice, mean or insecure, it will stay too?
Hormones are not magic pills.
Why do you think you need to pack? Because it's an unwritten rule that every transman has too? It's not.
Who did tell you that you have to have surgeries?
NOTHING in your life has to change if you don't want to. We will definitely not tell you that you are no trans if you don't want to start eating pill for breakfast tomorrow.

 

I don't want to go around with a synthetic penis down my pants. It just seems unnatural. I would rather just live with the fact I don't have one because that is what feels real and honest to me. Using devices to pee and then washing them at the sinks while other guys are stood there is a big no for me too. I think it's unhygienic and quite disgusting. If I don't have the natural equipment I would rather just use the loo as I already do now.

Hormones scare me because I am only just getting back in touch with my feelings and I have heard that testosterone makes you change emotionally. I am also terrified of the physical changes and how quickly they occur.

If you were to ask me now if I would actually want body and facial hair, a deeper voice and muscle mass now I would actually say no. Yet I know I'm transexual. I'm just terrified of becoming a man. :tears:

 

OK so you don't want the synthetic penis. Don't get one. Nobody in their right mind is going to question why you use a stall in the mens room, it just doesn't happen. I have friends who have ALWAYS used the stall to pee regardless. If that's what you're comfortable with, you do it!

As Nick said, hormones aren't magic. Last time I checked voice and muscle mass took work to get, they don't just happen. Hair growth does but again, last time I checked it certainly didn't happen quickly.

There is more to being a man than just those things. Heck there are plenty of great guys without high voices, no muscle and almost no hair that are great. They don't make the man.

 

Well the voice does happen, over time anyway. It should gain a more masculine resonance/quality, and it depends on the individual on how it deep it gets. And even if you don't work out, generally T will give you some more overall mass and redistribute fat and all that, but you need to work out and stuff to get real muscle/definition and stuff.

Seems like emotional changes with T and guys is more of a calming and mellowing out cause they've got the right hormone for them running their system now, you know? That's just what I've read from some guys on another forum.

Physical changes are not that fast. They take at least a few months to start settling in more. And some peeps go on low-dose HRT to make them changes come in even slower for whatever their reason may be.

But for you, I think just relaxing and setting aside hormones/surgeries and giving yourself more time to sort yourself out and hopefully become comfortable with yourself would be good. And then you may find whether or not hormones and/or whatever surgeries are right for you.

 

Thanks for the reply. I just cant cope. TRANSSEXUALISM HAS RUINED MY LIFE!

 

You sound like Swagboy.
Is anybody forcing you into the transition? I doubt. So what's the problem?
If you are trans, you are a man already, no matter what body you have. If you don't want another body, great! Be happy!

 

Nick07 I don't mean to be rude here but unless you experience late onset transsexualism you don't know how it feels. It is a terrible loss to lose your identity when you had no previous idea that you were trans.

 

Do you think that I would answer your threads if I didn't know? But you are very inconsistent(?) in what you say. Both of you actually. You both act like it was your duty to go through transition even though it is pretty clear that that's the last thing you should do. Neither of you want it and at least you sound like you don't need it.
Neither of you mentioned how you realized you were trans and why you suddenly feel that your life has to change EVEN THOUGH you don't want it to.

I asked you why did you think you had to pack, you "answered" by explaining how gross and disgusting it was. Interesting.

 

Ok. I will try to explain. I discovered I was trans after I came to terms with my sexual orientation and realised that I didn't consider myself a lesbian because I didn't identify with being a woman. I started getting very intense feelings of dysphoria very quickly and for the past year I have been extremely depressed, anxious, dysphoric and suicidal. That is the reason why I NEED to transition - because I can't go on like this. The problem is that I can't accept my transsexualism. I fully acknowledge I am trans but accepting it is another matter. I am terrified of the changes it will bring physically, mentally, emotionally, even though I know I can't go on living in the depressed state I find myself in.

So to summarise - do I need to transition - yes.
Do I want to transition - no.

As for packing:
"I don't want to go around with a synthetic penis down my pants. It just seems unnatural. I would rather just live with the fact I don't have one because that is what feels real and honest to me. Using devices to pee and then washing them at the sinks while other guys are stood there is a big no for me too. I think it's unhygienic and quite disgusting. If I don't have the natural equipment I would rather just use the loo as I already do now."

As you can see here I did not say packing was disgusting, rather it seems unnatural to me to use a synthetic penis instead of the real thing.

What I was referring to as disgusting is washing devices to pee in the sink. That is a matter of personal preferences on hygiene and is not about packing.

 

Anonym, right now you don't need transition. You need a therapy. Because if you transition now, you will be in big troubles. If you find a good therapist, you may learn that you can live happily and content without any transition.

How is the saying in English? We say to put a chariot in front of a horse. If I remember correctly you said that you didn't want to change the way you dress. But if the rules are the same in your country as are in mine, you will have to live as a man for about a year before anybody "gives you a go".

Stop being anxious about the last thing in the row (surgeries).

 

Yeah but I know that I have to transition because I am a mtf transsexual. I am a woman born in a man's body and I have to transition to resolve my brain/body mismatch.

I realised I was trans last year after a dressing incident triggered my trans thoughts and feelings. Me and my friends planned to go to a party as spice girls so I bought a costume and tried it on in my room and I thought it was fun I guess and then I realised I was trans about a week later.

My trans status is completely rocking my world, I can completely relate to anonym

This is a terrible thing to go through, well at least it is for me and anonym.

I have gone through my whole life thinking I was a man, I enjoyed my first chest hair, growing leg hair and stuff and then suddenly boom I find out I am a transsexual and it has blasted my world upside down!

 

"Yeah but I know that I have to transition because I am a mtf transsexual."

No no no no no no no no no no. And once again, just in case you didn't quite get that:

SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST NO!!!!


You do not have to do anything of the sort for any reason other than you want to! If you don't want to, you DO NOT BLOODY DO IT! Transitioning is a god damn nightmare. NOBODY and I mean not one single person EVER would do it if they didn't want to because you NEED to want it. You NEED that constant desire to make it to the end or you WILL NOT MAKE IT TO THE END.

You don't feel comfortable in your body, that is FINE, you're a woman inside, EXCELLENT, find a therapist and talk to them about it. ANY therapist. DO NOT start down the path to transitioning just because you think you ought to. If you don't feel comfortable DO NOT DO IT! I cannot say this enough.

You CAN NOT help yourself by changing your body to things you don't like. There is no point escaping the 'male' body if you don't like the female one either! How do you imagine you are going to live if every morning you have to FORCE yourself into a dress and suffer through every person you meet thinking "Is that chick a dude?!" if it isn't on the way to what you need? How are you going to continue when you start taking hormones and breasts start to form, every morning you wake up to these lumps on your chest that you don't even think you need or want!

 

Yeah, seriously. If you don't want to transition, DON'T DO IT.

The act of transitioning won't automatically make you happy with being trans (or make you trans in the first place) or being the opposite gender. If you're not at a point where you feel transition is the wise option, then going under the knife/needle is probably the last thing you want.

A reputable therapist (especially someone well versed in gender issues) should be able to help you sort things out. And then, if you feel transition is really something you want to go through with, you'll have someone to help you sort it out and see if it's the responsible option.

Transition is, for one, a costly endeavor. Surgical procedures costs thousands of dollars. You'll be needing to refill hormones, legally update documents, update your wardrobe, etc.

It can be an emotionally draining endeavor as well. Family may not come around, you may lose friends, may have trouble finding employment.

Yes, I am trying to scare you. But that's the reality. If transition's what you really want, if it's what you feel will help you live authentically, then it's worth it.

But it's something you have to be smart about. And it's something you have to know is absolutely the right option for you.

Many transpeople choose not to transition or may not go for a full "traditional" transition (HRT/bottom surgery/top [if FtM]). So you may identify as trans and yet be under no obligation to transition.

But you absolutely can't let yourself feel that you have to go through with something that it doesn't sound like you're going to be comfortable with.