Hey EC, seeking some sage-like advice.. I'm almost totally out as trans to my friends and family, but I am worried about my job. I have a semi-public occupation as a karaoke DJ and singer. It's my family business, my dad (he took the news the best, I'd say,) is my boss. Our success as a business was always a blessing...we provide for our families, and I occasionally get recognized by strangers as "the karaoke guy", etc. But now, as I start to transition, some of the facts that used to make me proud now frighten me. For example, if you add up all the nights I work, on a weekly basis I sing in front of about 600 people, most of them complete strangers. Quitting is not an option, because for now it provides nicely for myself, my wife and our 2 kids. Even though I jokingly refer to my job as "the lowest level of public figure", I don't know if I'm ready to transition "publicly". My crowds have already watched me slowly change in some ways...I used to ALWAYS wear a hat, now I've grown my hair out shoulder-length and have sworn off the ballcaps. I'm scared of the amount of random drunken strangers with whom I interact, almost as much as I'm scared of it boosting my popularity on some kind of "freak show" basis. I actually can't tell which one is more frightening...which would scare you the most, EC? How would you approach this? I'm a high tenor, so I already sing girls songs (I'm doing quite well with Wrecking Ball these days, LOL) and I've started dressing in a more neutral manner, but I don't have a clue what to do from here. :help:?
AH...I that's a tricky one... Part of me wants to say just do it slowly and start getting more girly once you've hit neutral...but then your regulars or even people who have seen you before are going to notice eventually... Another part of me wants to say just keep dressing neutral until you feel you feel you want them to know and just come out as a girl next show... The thing is once you get past 'neutral' anyone who has seen you before is going to question it, because they still know it's you probably...I mean unless you decide to pretend to be someone else. Unfortunately since I don't know what these people are like I'm not sure how they would take that realisation... DO you have some sort of system in place for dealing with 'threatening behaviour' when you perform?
Unfortunately, this is a reality that many transitioners face. My best advice is to just be yourself, be honest when people ask you questions, keep a positive attitude, and if people try to say something rude to you just smile and ignore them because they are just responding out of ignorance. I work in a restaurant in my home town and run into dozens of people I know from school, old jobs, and old groups of friends. If I see someone, they usually don't recognize me, and on more than one occasion I outted myself to people just because I was happy to see them. I have never once had anyone treat me poorly. In fact, I never address the issue of my transition at all. I state my full name (they recognize me by my last name), wait for them to realize the truth of the situation, then I turn the topic to them and their lives. I stay confident about myself, my body, my life, and the decisions I have made, and it shows in my demeanor. I feel like if you cower or reveal any sign of shame or lack of confidence, then that will affect the way people treat you. Stay strong sister. The first year can be a little rough, but it gets a whole lot better. xoxo
