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How to Explain my Gender Identity to Young Children?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TheConfusedFrog, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. TheConfusedFrog

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    Hello. I have 4 young cousins, the oldest of them is only 6. I was wondering how I might go about explaining my gender identity to them. I know they don't have the first clue what the word transgender means, and I don't know how to put it in terms they will understand. Also, one of them looks up to me as a roll model for what he should be like when he grows older, and I'm worried I'll be removing an important figure from his life when I decide to transition. So, what should I do?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    I've found children to be the most understanding when it comes to things like this.

    Basically, you need to make the whole thing sound as positive as possible. I discovered recently that a little girl I know had asked her mum if I had 'changed because I was sad before', she didn't like that I had been sad.

    Tell them you feel like you were born in the wrong shell. Tell them about the good feelings you have when you are treated as a girl. (Personally, I would use girl and boy as terms, it seems to work better). Remind them that you are still the same person and all the things they like about you are the same, you'll still do all the things you did before and stuff, you'll just feel better inside. Tell them that if they have any questions they can ask you, and be prepared for the fact that the first time they see you it might scare them a little, but they will come round when they see you acting normally.

    As for being a role model, you're not removing anything. He looked up to you before and he probably still will. If you are worried about it, you need to make sure he understands that this was an important decision and it helps you to be happy and to stay the good person he knows.
     
  3. Nick07

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    What Holly said. I believe that kids don't make a big deal of it at all. Make the explanation very short and positive. Two three sentences are enough. If they have questions, they will ask. Either right away or later.

    You may start with asking them to call you a different name. Then you can tell them that you are a girl, but for some reason you don't know, you look like a boy (I would not use words like mistake etc, it could scare them and make them question themselves)
     
  4. confuzzled82

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    Definitely keep it short and to the point. Little kids have short attention spans. And, if they are asking a question, a short direct answer will likely satisfy them, and they will be on to the next, completely unrelated topic. I sorta like the way Ash Beckham explained it in her TED talk. (discussed here.)