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What am I? Very complicated gender/sexuality problems ~

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by witchcatmermaid, Dec 17, 2013.

  1. witchcatmermaid

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    :help:
    Hi there! I registered on this site because I couldn't find anywhere else to get advice on this. I apologize for this being long in advance. I've been confused about this for a few months now and I want to get it set straight.

    My name is Allyson. I'm 15 years old. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 8 years old and I came out to a liberal family at 11. I've only ever liked females. I'm usually more into the feminine lesbians and I'm quite feminine myself.
    Lately though, it's changing a bit. Sometimes I find myself attracted to men...but not any man, more like gay men. I often feel like maybe I'm transgendered...but I feel more like a feminine gay man. I'm most comfortable in things like heels and dresses. I want to wear makeup and such.
    I also don't feel comfortable with using male pronouns to describe myself. I don't feel like my genitalia is wrong and I would never get that changed.
    So is it possible to be biologically a feminine female and feel like a feminine bisexual man?

    Sorry if this was complicated, but I'm really just trying to figure this out.
    Thanks guys! I hope someone can help me with this.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    What is it that makes you feel like a gay man? Is it just this attraction to gay men or is it something more?
     
  3. witchcatmermaid

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    I think the attraction is a big part, but it also just feels right...like I'm supposed to be a gay male. I feel a bit trapped in the wrong mind, rather than the wrong body.
    This is even news to me, so I apologize if I'm not making myself clear.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    So what is it about gay males that attracts you exactly?
     
  5. witchcatmermaid

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    The physical appearance of a male being combined with feminine qualities (forgot to mention it's only feminine males)...perhaps it isn't a gender that I'm specifically attracted to, but the difference between femininity and masculinity?
     
  6. BookDragon

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    So is it possible, and feel free to say that it isn't, that you you feel more attracted to (some) gay males because they possess the feminine qualities you like as well as a physical appearance you have discovered you like, but because you know they are gay and wouldn't go for a girl, your brain is saying 'well how about this for a solution...'
     
  7. witchcatmermaid

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    And because I've lived my whole life (as soon as I began to be attracted to people) as a lesbian....I definitely think that is possible. That's another problem entirely then, because I can't do anything about someone else not liking my gender.
     
  8. BookDragon

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    Quite true. So are you finding yourself more attracted to guys than girls at the moment?
     
  9. Mister Ghosty

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    Okay, so let me get this straight... Please correct me on mistakes...
    You have these desires/traits:
    Body: Feminine
    Pronouns: Feminine
    "Downstairs" preference on self: Feminine
    Clothing & Appearence: Feminine
    You are attracted to girls... especially girly girls...
    And the kind of guys you are attracted to is not for thier muscles, or dingle dongle, or hair/clothing attributes, or general masculine look, but... When they are feminine.

    It seems to me like you have almost nothing to do with masculinity at all! It sounds like you are a normal feminine bisexual lady, with a love of other feminine people. Sounds like you have nothing to worry about :3

    I'm glad you shared your story with us. I've never heard of someone so thouroughly covering the girly spectrum like you seem to be! Like a connoseuir of femimnity, if I may be so bold?
     
  10. witchcatmermaid

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    It truly seems to change from day to day. Mostly, it is a bit more leaning toward guys at the moment.

    ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2013 at 06:51 PM ----------

    The only thing that wasn't dead-on accurate was the part where you said that I'm not attracted to the male appearance ("dingle dongle" as you so beautifully described it :lol: and other attributes). I am definitely attracted to that, but...hmm, what are words? I tend to be attracted towards men with all of that, but perhaps a bit more toned down. I don't like the super masculine "have-to-be-tough-all-of-the-time" thing. Less of that and more feminine traits and an almost androgynous look.

    But besides that, you were pretty much correct. Could be that I'm just having a strange problem accepting myself as bisexual because I've been so open and out my whole life being lesbian. I probably should have also put this in the sexuality part of the forums, rather than the gender identity part.
     
  11. spockbach

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    I am in a rather similar position - although I feel entirely uncomfortable in feminine clothing, and do not wear makeup.
     
  12. witchcatmermaid

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    It's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one questioning something like this. I didn't actually expect anyone to respond to this, honestly. It was late at night and I was confused so I just randomly found this and posted.
     
  13. Tayb24

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    Gender is a spectrum, and there may be something else that describes you better than just man or woman. It seems like you are definitely on the female side to me though, given you seem to be pretty comfortable as female. Genderqueer is sort of like the equivalent to bisexual, in that, it encompasses a large degree of gray area between the two polar ends (though genderqueer can also mean identifying completely outside of any gender also), so perhaps you are just a smidgen towards the male side, while still firmly being on the female side.

    Regardless, gender is of course an incredibly personal experience and only you can know what your feelings are and what may be the best label you want to assign to yourself.