Well for starters, you can tell us what you mean. All "internalized transphobia" really means is that you are trans and it scares you. Which is fine, it scared all of us, but it doesn't give a lot of room for moving forward. So what is it about being trans that scares you? In fact, before we worry about that, you say you are trans so how does that make you feel, what emotions? Do they change? Is any of it good?
Update: I have found the source of My Transphobia. Almost all of my friends are Transphobic/Homophobic. This may be easier than I thought.
Funny how things like that work, isn't it? Something small just clicks and then all kinds of things make sense! So your friends, you say they are trans/homophobic. So to what degree are we talking. Is it "Lol FAG" stupid comments kind of thing or are we talking hate crimes?
My friends are casual homophobic but probably rather transphobic. Gender issues are societal norms that are learned and must be unlearned to accept yourself. Most people are too scared to admit it or are scared of losing people who may be lacking understanding but yet are your friends and family.
They talk all the time about how they can't stand LGBT people. You can't avoid that Conversation because right now, in Australia(where I live) there is some big controversy on Same-Sex Marriages.
Ah. Well that IS a problem. I mean the one thing I can say, as much as it pains me to do so, is that one way or the other you are an LGBT individual, so your 'friends' are openly saying they can't stand YOU. Or people like you at any rate. Now either they will change their tune when the realise that you're a decent human being (less likely) or they'll stick to it and won't like you. Which is worse...hide it all away and know they randomly hate people like you, or let them know and risk losing them? By the way, don't take that as a 'come out right now' suggestion, I'd never do that, I'm just saying be prepared for it because it won't be pleasant when it comes.
I'm thinking about leaving that decision until Year 10 comes around. But until then, I can bring the topic up, and explain to them the suffering of LGBT people. If they question me, I can just say that I was asked by our Homeroom Teacher to inquire on a subject. I think I have that down pat so far. But, if I leave it until Year 10, I'm just delaying the inevitable. I feel like having a facepalm moment.
Just remember that holding off on it isn't a BAD thing. I mean nobody wants, and we certainly don't expect you, to go through school without friends because of something like this. Even if your friends appear to have one really unfortunate and MASSIVE flaw, it's still better for you to have SOMEONE around than nobody, at least until you're in a position to move on! I think asking them about it seems like a good idea. Even just asking them why they think the things they do when they say them and just saying that you don't have a problem with it will (in theory) work.
Transitioning/coming out is a problem for most because they don't want to lose friends who expect something of them. Meeting new people and support is great because they are non judgmental. Also like minded people don't hurt to associate with either.
Well, what would you rather. Start becoming the person you are now, knowing there is a chance you will be doing it alone for now. OR move on to a new place, and deal with both at the same time, meeting new people AND discovering yourself. Neither option is particularly fun. Personally, I would do whatever little things you think you can do without anyone noticing. Find yourself, even if you can't BECOME yourself, if you see what I mean. Don't get me wrong, once you've found yourself it hurts like hell to hide it away, but it will either be worth the wait or give you the push you need to deal with it.
I'll take your advice; "I would do whatever little things you think you can do without anyone noticing." Thank you so much.
