Seriously. Maybe it's my own fault for not coming out to enough people, but I'm really scared. I'm not sure if what I need is to come out to more people as trans or if I'm just frustrated because I don't know whether or not I'm passing. Sure, no one calls me ma'am, but no one calls me sir either. I find myself speaking in a feminine manner when I get excited, which does nothing for me because I'm very excitable. I'm not sure what's going on with me, but I'm really frustrated. I'm angry at myself for not making more progress, but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford surgery, but I really, really feel that I need my breasts removed. I want my shirts to fit without having to compress my chest. Lately, I've been feeling like I'll never be a "real" man because no one's ever going to take me seriously. I'm afraid I won't be accepted into the circle of bio-males that I know as one of them. I guess if that's true, they're not really my friends, but I just want to have a group of guys that I can just do stuff with. My husband's been a good sport telling me that I'm "chill as fuck except for one week every month", but I dunno.
If it helps, you do look like a dude. Also the big secret of men (it might not be a secret anymore) is that even when you have a penis, you don't always feel like a real man. So if your worried about people takeing you seriously as a man, then you fit right in. Becoming secure in your manhood is rather difficult for everyone. I hope that helped?
Don't be angry at yourself. Take as long as you need. There is no race and yes, impatience wins sometimes. But rushing can mean making huge mistakes that you regret later. Its awesome that you have a husband to love and support you in this. If you can't afford surgery, that sucks, but just take your time. I don't call anyone sir, madaam and in this age of political correctness, half of all people are so terrified of getting it wrong and getting yelled at or sued that most people err on the side of caution regardless of how masculine or feminine you look/sound/act. You are confident enough to go out there and choose who you love, you have a husband who supports you and is obviously happy to wait. Chill out, do the best you can with what life gives you. Sorry if that wasn't helpful.
Thanks. This is one of those times where I feel alone but in reality am not. I really wondered if cis-guys just don't have any doubts about their manhood and envied them for what I thought was having it so much easier. I really needed to hear this. ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2013 at 02:57 PM ---------- Thank you. And you know, I just realized that I don't like to call people ma'am or sir either because since I work at a job where I'm talking to people over a headset most of the time, I get people's genders wrong based on their voices a lot. My husband is really great though. He told me that, even if I make a physical transition and he finds himself no longer attracted to me, he still wants to be my best friend. I think that's pretty great, and I catch myself taking that for granted a lot.
Don't beat yourself up so much. Even if you are not passing as male 100% it is no reason to get depressed. You are a human, not a robot. People should be able to accept you however you are, at whatever percent masculine you are able to present yourself as. :icon_bigg
Thank you. (*hug*) I guess at the very least, most complete strangers can't tell if I'm one or the other, so I guess that's better than immediately being pegged as female.
Yeah. Just remember that the people here accept you as you are regardless of gender. So when you aren't getting what you want out there you can always come back here.
Yep we have doubts. We tend not to tell people though because well we are scared of not looking manly. One of the things I think could help is for us dudes to talk about this a little more.
Have the joke be on them- THEY misread the real you. SO much of reality is Perception. Perception is formed from the sum of details seen or not. Things like how we apply "Body Language" and all the cues such as eye contact- angle of our chin- looking dead on at someone or NOT. After all- many folks never look full on at anyone. There's a realm of encounters where if we are dressed 100% the same neutrality- it's all on the cues as to how we're seen. Voice is actually way less factored in many situations too. Get into the Headspace of calm self assurance that you are Male and the other person just was daydreaming on the job when they misgendered you:>
I think so, too. One of the things I've noticed that limits people is the fact that some of us think we're the only ones who have the problem we have when, in reality, if we let down our guards, reached out, and started a conversation, we'd realize that we're much less alone than we thought. ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2013 at 02:01 PM ---------- (*hug*)
justjade, you voice the doubts that I'm too afraid to express. I think often in real life, I'm really nervous around other transpeople, moreso than non-transpeople, because I'm so afraid of my identity, and I'm afraid that getting to know them will reflect too much of my fears and uncertainties back at me, and so I'm afraid to reach out. What I've learned from spending time on EC is how Human we transpeople are, how alone and uncertain in our shells. I have felt so much less alone since expressing and sharing me fears and doubts on here. Thank you for expressing your feelings; I certainly relate!
I appreciate your feedback. I'm learning the same thing: That we're all scared. If you'd like to talk, you can hit me up on my wall. I think we all just need someone to talk to when doubt and fear strike.
hey Justjade you look good and I bet you are a lot more convincing in person then you think you are. as it was stated previously we are afraid which is the problem. its very hard to open up but the more you do the more relax you will become. Be your self no operation is going to change how you feel totally, if you are confident about who you are and who you want to be fine and operation whether it be top or bottom surgery is fine, but its not going to make you anymore happy then you are right now. I recently had breast surgery ( enlargement) why? cause i want to have breasts, is it goin gto make me a bio women? no but I am ok with that. will top surgery make you a bio man? no could it help with a better presentation of you to others? yes it coudl but you and have you feel act and carry yourself makes a bigger impact how this helps
