i talked with my mother recently, and shes still trying to come to terms with the possibility i may be trans, though shes still being very strong headed and emotional about it, which i can understand. the thing she talked to me about is that she thinks my gender confusion is a result from issues with my father... and i couldnt say she was wrong in what she said... i never had a good father figure growing up, and the father i did have made its sure that i would never be like him when i grew up. i went to therapy at a very young age so i wouldnt develop the same anger tendencies that he had, and too this day, i have very little recollection of life as a child and the way he treated my mother and i, and i dont feel it really effects me in my every day life (though my mom would STRONGLY disagree.... i feel she doesnt respect my ability to see things clearly, but anyway, i digress) she thinks that because i never had a good male role model, that wanting to be a girl is "safer and easier" or something like that because ive been more exposed to positive female role models, and im more familiar with it or whatever... can someone share their thoughts? is it really only daddy issues? or do i really have gender dysphoria? thanks in advance <3
I think anyone who can say that being trans is 'safer and easier' than carrying on as normal needs to have their head examined frankly. However, you can counter her argument like this. One of the more common results of an a crappy father involves the son(s) taking on the role of the man of the house. So if your father was crap, you could easily argue that now you should be exhibiting extremely masculine characteristics out of habit. Same basic argument, completely different outcomes. Hopefully you can see why I don't hold either line of reasoning in particularly high regard when it comes to situations like this. Probably more importantly, who says the two are mutually exclusive or that this result is in any way a bad thing? What are you supposed to do, spend the next 19 years hanging out with manly men so you can unlearn the last 19 years of your life? How often as a child did you spend contemplating the exact nature of your mothers body? I'm guessing very little, so you can't explain any bodily dysphoria you might feel with that. People put WAY to much weight on the influence of the male/female role home role model. You would think the average child only knows one man until they are grown up.
thanks, i go back to my therapist on the second, and ill work it out once and for all hopefully i love the support from this site, oh my gosh <3
Well I hope you figure it out one way or the other Just remember not to let other peoples opinions eclipse your own. Take their advice, but know that you are the only one who knows how you feel. Except me. I know everything
Yeah, try not to pay attention to those comments from people: they're grieving. If every person who wasn't close to their parents turned out to be transgender, we'd have a hell of a lot more coming out, yet we're still a very small minority, even among other LGBT. I got all sorts of comments when I was still coming to terms with my sexuality: you're confused, looking for attention, running away, etc. Because I wasn't sure and confident in my choice, they took advantage of that to plant doubts in my head, but if you stand your ground, they won't be able to do that. And I can assure you that being a transwoman, or any woman, is far from being "safer" or "easier" than being a man. A person who is 19 should be able to make their own choices without having others come up with crazy rationalizations.
Well if you want to know if you're trans, ask yourself, do you want to be a woman? If the answer is yes, then nobody can tell you otherwise. If no, then maybe try exploring why; and if maybe, take time to figure things out. You know better than anyone, especially irrational parents/people who would only disagree. I wish you luck in figuring out who you are.
thanks everyone, i know i say it tons, i just feel it cant be said enough. you are all wonderful people helping so much. when i ask myself that question, the first word i scream in my head is YES but i still feel like im hearing through lot of confusion. im hoping my therapist will help me with the right words to tell my mom how i feel. when she asks me, i panic and say what i think is the least painful thing for her to hear, even if its not true, and not tell her how i feel for fear of upsetting her... its a real problem i have :/ but again, thanks everyone, ill keep this thread updated if i can on how im doing after the 2nd
It may be a factor but not the overall reason. If you believe in life after life or life before life and past lives. Then you might have been a woman in a previous life now suffering from some sort of nostalgia for that type of body....or life you led as one....but it could also be that when you were a woman in a previous life you did not take advantage of the entire opportunity being a woman, meaning that you might have been out of tune with your feelings and feminine side in a female body in a past life meaning you were manlike for some other reason maybe because men disappointed you and you objectified men seeing them as having no feelings becoming hateful towards men for not being emotional enough to empathize with a woman's heart making you cold and distant from them... Now you are back as a man, maybe to understand that men have feelings too, to empathize with men more in order to work through your issues with men you had in a past life. Now you must learn how to live as a man...it does not mean you have to become a woman again in this life in order to learn from your past life. Maybe by learning that men have feelings too by being in tune with your own emotions you can learn to forgive your dad for being out of synch with his due to social pressures forcing men to be like men, to never show tears or emotions or affection....this is an opportunity to understand why men act the way they do to work through your issues with your dad and your own identity crisis to understand the root of your problem better and ultimately gain a better understanding of yourself. Or other spiritual beliefs state that you might have a female entity attached to your soul or body....making you think the way you do. Well many search for answers some go the spiritual route. This was just a friendly possible spiritual explanation for your current issue.
"he first word i scream in my head is YES but i still feel like im hearing through lot of confusion" I've said it before and I'll say it again. If this didn't confuse you I would be DEEPLY concerned
today didnt go well.... makes me wanna just give up on the whole thing and not worry about it anymore >.<
