So here's the deal... I'm comfortable being a gay man, I have processed the idea, and I can be happy living as such. Yet, I do sometimes, as I have for quite a long time, get the idea of wanting to be a woman. I fantasize and think about it often... and I think I'll always wonder, what if? Though, the thought of being a woman, more than anything, turns me on A LOT. Having a vagina and being penetrated is very mentally arousing. Is that normal? Do all MtF feel the same way? I also have a deep hatred for my balls... I think they are just bad design, they get in the way and are just annoying, but I love my penis, I'd hate to see it go.... It's all so confusing. My deepest fear is being late in life and figuring out that I should have gone through it when I was young, instead of not doing anything at all. :icon_sad:
I think probably the most important thing to understand is that it isn't so much a question of what you think so much as how strongly you think it. I mean let's take your example of balls! There is no two ways about it, the testicles would be a hell of a strong case against the argument for a creator god! They are just plain awful. Loads of guys think that. BUT most guys wouldn't ever say 'well, better become a woman then! so long balls!' Again, with the whole having a vagina and being penetrated thing. As far as a fantasy goes, it's probably reasonably common for guys to have it a couple of times, probably not a recurring thing necessarily. But again, it's a decision between a sexy fantasy and an actual life changing thing! So how strong are the feelings? Also another thing to consider is that actually being transsexual isn't necessarily what you need even if the feelings ARE strong, because as you said you are comfortable being a gay man. Perhaps occasional cross dressing is more your thing, who knows.
I've never attempted cross-dressing, the farthest I've gone is to paint my nails, shave my body and put very light makeup. But my feelings can be strong, it just depends on the day. Though since I came out as gay, they faded away little by little and now they resurfaced as they always have... For me is mostly arousal kind of deal, so maybe I don't want to fully transition, maybe you're right. I should explore my cross dressing options, lol... that's gonna be a funny experience... I think my first tries are going to be downright hilarious and a bit sad :icon_redf lol
To be honest downright hilarious is a heck of a place to start, at least it will make you feel more comfortable. You never know, you might have a promising future as a drag queen
The way I imagine myself looking, is like the FBI Officer from the movie Miss Congeniality 2, when they dressed up to sing that "Rolling on the River" song lol Here's the video, he appears by 1:42
