I've been thinking about my gender identity lately. It doesn't bother me much, I just felt like it could be good to write my thoughts down in order to understand it more so here it is. (Sorry for my English and thank you for reading :icon_bigg) I'm born female. During the time when my boobs started to grow I used to bind my chest with bandages. I've never had the feeling I was born in a wrong body though, I just had a strong desire to be a boy instead. I wanted to be on a football team but couldn't as a girl so this could had been the reason but I'm not sure. In the end I grew up okay to have female body but I can't say I feel like 100% female inside because there's this rather dominant male side showing. I realized that when I watch straight porn I watch it from the male's view and a fantasy of having a penis, penetrating and ejaculating in a woman arouses me a lot. I haven't been in a relationship with a woman yet so I don't know how I'd feel in reality, like a male or a female I mean, but around the female friend of mine who “turned me” I behave more as a male (protect her when walking in the crowd, make reservations, open the door for her, etc.) and it makes me feel good. On the other hand I don't feel body dysphoria and wouldn't want sex change. Maybe it's just some kind of a fetish or a need for dominance showing? (I seriously don't know where the creampie obsession comes from, I just know that as a male I absolutely love it but as a female I absolutely hate it :eek Besides, since I finally recognized my attraction to women last year I become a little more girly, e.g. bought more clothes in women department and some make up (didn't put it on yet though) as is I'd like to explore and express my feminine side more than in the past. I still prefer my hair short and dress myself comfortably. I usually wear a pair of jeans, and a T-shirt or an undershirt under a shirt or a sweater. Skirts, dresses, bras and high-heals just are not my thing but from time to time I like to wear a necktie. Sometimes I'm being called “he” and people think I'm a guy but it mostly doesn't bother me how I'm called. To call myself agender doesn't fit right though because I know the masculine side is present in me (I even gave him a nickname years ago) and even though I express myself from neutral to masculine, the feminine side is present as well. It's more like I see myself as a combination of a male and female in the same time. I don't know how to name it. :eusa_doh: In relation to my sexuality I was even thinking the other day, and this could be stupid, that the masculine side is heterosexual with strong sex drive and the feminine side is heterosexual but demisexual. At least, this way I'd be able to explain why I fell in love with my boyfriend (but took me years) even though I'm not attracted to men and am predominantly attracted to women. What do you think, does it make any sense?
Hey mate, I'm more or less in the same boat as you. Whenever I hear that I cannot go to a Guy's night I'd grind my teeth and not go to any Girl's night (but thankfully my two best friends are respectful of my gender). Albeit I just made a post about my own questions, I'd reckon that you're probably genderfluid. What I haven't seen addressed is if you feel more female one day, and more male the other (which is genderfluid). If you feel equal at BOTH times, I'd say genderqueer or bigender. It makes perfect sense, it's just complexed like how orientations and gender identities just are. I say do a bit of research on bigender/genderqueer if you feel both -at the same time- unless you do switch around a bit. Good luck! And kudos for being comfortable with being non-binary!
Thank you, A Real Male. I think I feel from slightly feminine to masculine (the bold part below). ♀---------<-♀♂---------->♂ I don't wake up as woman one day and man the other. The feminine/masculine ratio is not the same though and changes in time. It depends on situation. In general I find myself more or less on the blue section, from ca. equal to more masculine.
Not everyone who's a mtf or ftm transgender HATES their bodies. Just would really rather have a different one. Do you feel slightly female AND male, or is it either one at any one time?
Hello Paris, Thanks for writing. Your story helps me see myself. I'll pass along some of my story to see if you see similarities though kind of opposite as I'm male. I'm a lot like you in some ways. I don't fit in with the "men" much if ever, though I'm male. I do have the protective gentleman, vibe going on when it comes to my family, but there is a huge feminine component in me, right down to how I like to have sex (I rather play both roles, but prefer a kind of inbetween role). I don't hate my body at all, though in truth I'd prefer to look a bit more... pretty or androgynous. That's not what I've got. As far as the sex thing goes, I relate best to androgynes or genderqueers. Also, sometimes masculine seeming lesbians, who I've had hit on me. That part was hard to understand, until I recently found out about a middle way. Agender, androgyne, third gender, whatever. The only thing I can think of is they are attracted to some feminine part of me. After talking to some people here and a friend of mine who recently came out as a trans woman, I realized this whole thing is more complicated than I've ever realized, and I've been trying to bury the parts that don't fit for ages. It sounds like you're braver than I when it comes to challenging the norms. I applaud you for that. This is all pretty new to me, but I know from experience a person can feel both female/male or NEITHER female or male. Both day to day, and in bed. I hope it helps. Shawn
Thank you Miiaaaaa, thank you Shawn. I read this wonderful poem by imsoconfused today that I can relate to, especially to the first verses. I feel like there's this male part in me. Make it easier I'll also call him James James has always been there. It's James who wanted to play football as a kid. It's James who is staring at another women chest. It's James who is a protective gentleman. It's James who opens doors to women. It's James who wants to take care of a woman. It's James who watches women in porn and fantasize about f**king them with his penis. It's James who rents men's ice skates instead of the one with toe picks. It's James who's pleased when he helps a woman with a heavy suitcase and she praises his strength. It's James who doesn't get emotional or cry easily. It's James who says: “let's wear a necktie today!” But I am not only James.
How incredibly moving and just what I needed right now. If only I could take this inside of me and remember it and live it.
