Hello everyone. Here is some background about me: I am biologically female who prefers male pronouns and identify as genderqueer. I knew since I was 5 that I always just "felt" male and even tried to urinate standing up (as silly as that sounds). So I've been struggling with gender ever since. I've dated someone for a long time who sorta pushed me into the closet until I finally became comfortable with myself, and after a long time of self-reflection I say I'm genderqueer. But I'm still confused. (I don't date them anymore, I have a new gf and she supports me 100%). You see, at both times I feel -both- male and female, but I'm just more comfortable as male. Sometimes I tell people (male pronouns, female pronouns, or w/e i'm chill) on Elsewheres, which confused some of my friends into thinking I'm genderfluid. I don't think I am because I always feel equal amounts if not moreso male at all times, but I change pronouns around because I really don't mind. I guess I also do it for comfort and other's comfort when I go by female pronouns. But again, I don't mind. Now I'm just struggling because I DO want to be male, I urge for it. But I have no desire to obtain a phallus and I love female chests too much to get rid of mine. However, I wish I could be seen as a male by society WITHOUT transitioning if that makes sense. Instead, I wish I was born a male because I believe it'd be far easier for me. I know this post is all jumbled around but I'm just struggling with the Genderqueer identity because people think it's "false identity made up by Tumblr" (Shoutout to Tumblr for making us seem like transtrenders and a "made up" identity) and I'm also questioning if I could be transgender or not. As I see it, I'd be transgendered if I had body dysphoria and wanted to transition (I do know that not every TG wants to transition). While I do feel a bit dysphoric, it never really bothered me since I'm fine with the parts I have, I just want to be -viewed- as male. I'm struggling so hard that I cannot even make a comprehensive thread. I always told myself that "what makes a man is someone who treats their woman/man as a queen/king, and stands up for their loved ones". What's weird is I feel male competitiveness amongst other characteristics when I use male pronouns instead of female, and I do have elevated testosterone levels (weird story... meiosis isn't perfect). I just hate that society only sees gender as black and white because to the majority of people it makes us seem "delusional" and one of my friends dare even call it "schizophrenic" (even though he has no idea what the hell he's talking about). I'm oppressed enough for being homosexual, now with being non-binary it's definitely going to make life much harder.
Hi, I am sorry I am not able to relate. But I am curious. What do you mean by "I change"? You say something else than "I", "me", "my"? Am I missing something? Well, you share that with trans people who are pre-transition or with those who don't want any transition. It depends on how your friends, family and people around you are accepting...
Thanks for replying. Sorry, I know my post is a bit convoluted haha. That's what happens when I'm anxious and get frustrated during posting. Basically when I say "I change my pronouns", I literally mean I tell people "You can call me a male, you can call me a female, you can call me whatever I'm chill" on certain days. I mostly wish for people to call me male, but sometimes I revert to female due to self-comfort (by that I mean, fear of oppression). Only my online friends, my girlfriend, and two of my bestest friends know about my gender identity. There is no way in hell my family would ever comprehend and I won't even begin thinking about the process. True, fair enough. I loath surgery as I've had a long history of it ever since I was 10, and I don't like playing with hormones personally. It's too permanent of a decision for me. I dress androgynously and get away with it, but the general public who do not know my gender identity call me female. Even some of my college friends I came out to still call me female and I'm way too scared and nervous to ask them to start calling me by my male name due to one of them being extremely transphobic, and just I don't want an awkward atmosphere.
Why not transition then. (Doesn't have to be medically) Binding can help you look like you have a male chest, without actually losing it. (But don't do it too much, otherwise it'll hurt.) Some male clothes could help too. And people are always going to oppress you, doesn't matter what for. Be YOU and nothing else. Also, it's nice that you have a supportive girlfriend. I wish the two of you the best.
Yea, I understand what you mean. I think the difference between us is that you feel more masculine than I do and you want to be viewed as male. In my case, the masculine side also dominants me but imagine my future where everyone see me as male 24/7 somehow doesn't seem right.
Good point, Mia. I have been thinking of binding but I have no idea how I'm going to get away with expressing as a male to my family. I do have male clothes, as far as t-shirts and some pants go. I like what you said about the oppression, but if I did express male too much I'm so paranoid about not being employed--due to gender discrimination. And thanks! My girlfriend is what keeps my spirits high. Paris: That's what is so confusing. The term "genderqueer" definition is so varied it makes it very hard to explain to others as well as myself. I feel like I'm "deluding" myself, because to me, genderqueer means I have almost an equal amount of male/female but more male at ALL times (different from genderfluid). My choice of expression is up to me. Some GQs transition, some don't. It's extremely hard to try to explain that to non-informed cis people (and even allies).
