Ok so I'm 23 born female and for about a year I have been 100% sure I was transgender and wanted to transition, when I found out what transgender meant as opposed to what I thought it was (Jerry Springer) it was like my life finally made sense from the age of four I remember telling anyone who would listen that I felt I should have been born male but because I wasn't I tried to just accept being a girl then when puberty hit I developed depression I just ignored puberty as best I could I didn't find it devastating like a lot of people do but I do remember times feeling really happy i was born female, I'm not feminine or masculine but kind of in the middle i wear mostly male clothes have short hair and don't wear makeup when i lived at home my family and friends would question how i dressed and why i kept my hair shot so a few times i would try be girly and wear makeup but felt uncomfortable so would go back to how i am now, when I told my family i was trans they were supportive and said they weren't surprised, i came to the conclusion i was trans because i was very uncomfortable with my body and knew I'd be happier if it was male i had been suicidal about this feeling that I'd rather die than not transition but the past few weeks the feeling that my body is not right has eased off i still feel my body should be male but not strongly enough that I'd get hormones or surgery I'm comfortable with how i am now and hope it stays this way in terrified I'll start to feel the way i did before and have read that disphoria gets worse with age i really want to stay feeling how i do now also i have aspergers I've read alot of people with aspergers have gender issues and to add to that my mother was given steroids to develop my lungs while she was pregnant I've read both these things have a masculinizing effect of how the brain develops, so is me thinking I'm trans because of one of these things? Has anyone else experienced suddenly being ok with themselves after be so sure they were trans?
Hi May I recommend using dots at the end of the sentences? It's not important why you (or anybody else) feel to be trans. It may be asperger or the medicine or something else. The important thing is that you are feeling that way and how you can cope. If "the lack of excitement" for the transition is your way how to cope and it works, then great! It's not a rule that dysphoria gets worse with age.
If you're trans, you're trans. Doesn't matter why! If you don't feel like you want to transition yet, then don't. Nothing says you have to do it right now.
I'm just confused about why would the intensity of how I feel about my body just ease off? Has anyone else experienced it? I was hoping that my thinking I am trans is just an asperger thing that will go away, I'm worried that if it does come back and I did transition what if it faded again and I ended up regretting transition? Or would i regret not transitioning when I'm older. I don't have a problem with being transgender I'd rather not be but i had excepted it and knew exactly what I wanted to do and how far i wanted to transition but now I'm not sure about any of it anymore.
Have you changed ANYTHING recently about yourself or your circumstances, or has anything in your life changed recently?
No nothing has changed much, my appearance is much the same as before I figured I was trans I just dress more male were as before my wardrobe was a mix of both. I haven't asked anyone to change pro nouns when they refare to me because it doesn't bother me much though strangers often refer to me as male. I think the only thing that has changed is there is a person im afraid of finding out about me, she runs the local animal shelter I volunteer at I even rented a room from her for about eight months until I got my apartment she gets very attached to people and is very open about her life and her struggle with depression and expects others to open up to her too. I decided not to tell her because of the opinions she has about another volunteer who is bisexual he brought his boyfriend to see the animals and she was nice to them but when they left she started saying how he's just confused and can't be attracted to both ect.., she also told me how upset she would be if any of her grankids were gay and that she doesn't understand it. She says she thinks of me as family and always questions how i look and constantly suggests how i should look it really stresses me out, if i don't go to the shelter at least once a week she calls to ask why, i haven't been up there for about three weeks and haven't heard anything from her I'm worried she knows, i moved to this town with my family when i was 15 and never really settled in i don't have any close friends i get along well with the other volunteers i don't know them well enough to call them friends yet but I think that if the women that runs the shelter finds out about me i don't think she will want me going up there again. so I'm worried if she knows then that's my voluntarily work gone and she's well known in the town and it might get spread around. I live in i tiny backwards country town in the middle of nowhere Ireland and most of my neighbors are polish and Russian I've already had abuse from them they see me as male but i have a feminine walk so nothing has happened other than name calling but this woman finding out could change how I'm looked upon in this town. there's very few out gay people here with good reason.
Yeah that could have something to do with it... So the big question is how do you feel about this? Does the idea of being more female again make you feel good or bad?
I can't imagine being more female I know as long as people here see me as female I'm hidden and safer but don't think I can stay this way, I also wanted to start hormones but there are alot of the changes I don't want so I'm not so sure, if I did transition medically it wouldn't go unnoticed, if I still lived in Dublin the social transition would be alot easier its much more lgbt friendly and also has the only doctor in Ireland that can diagnosis gid I was told I could be waiting up to a year for my appointment to be sent out so I have plenty of time to figure out what to do by then, I'm just not sure what I want to do or if it's worth the social backlash
