Stressed about gender and sexual orientation combination

I haven't thought about sexual orientation for a while now since I decided to focus on dealing with my gender.

Most of you probably know from my previous posts that I discovered I was trans after coming to terms with my attraction to women and realising I didn't identify with being a lesbian because it didn't feel right. I felt that I wanted to be a guy in a relationship with a woman.

Now from answering a few posts today has got me thinking again about my sexuality. I was 'aware' that there could be the slim chance that I am bisexual since I have been attracted to men, especially feminine men, on occasion throughout my life. But I never felt as attracted to men as I did to women and have always been pretty sure I saw my future in a relationship with a woman. But now I'm having doubts about that and feeling that by transitioning to become a man will also bring in a change with my sexuality. (I AM NOT saying there is anything wrong with being a gay man or a gay trans man.)

I am just confused because it seems like changing my gender makes me feel less attracted to women and more attracted to men. Yet it was realising I wanted to be a guy with a girl that made me realise I'm trans. You see my confusion?

 

Understand the difference between 'caused me to think about it' and 'caused it'.

Being attracted to women caused you to consider your feelings about your gender, but as far as we know, it didn't cause you to believe you are male!

In fact, this is one of those times I can nicely relate because I experienced basically the same thing. Questioning my sexuality led me to think about sex. Or rather it caused me to think about me actually HAVING sex, which like you, made me realise that my gender is all wrong. It was a long time coming, but it was the trigger that made me think about it. But it didn't cause it in me, I know that for sure. Our stories get a little backwards here, because I was pretty sure I was bisexual leaning more closely towards girls, where as I am now pansexual leaning heavily towards guys. It IS a really weird feeling to see your orientation change in front of you!

So these men you feel attracted to now, are they the ultra manly man type or femenine men or what?

 

Well I find feminine men physically attractive yet I am somewhat attracted to the idea of being in a relationship with someone more dominant (I don't mean sexually!), a bigger guy who can kind of look out for me which if I was in a relationship with a woman, this dynamic wouldn't exist. I would be expected to step up to that role and no I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with a more dominant woman.

 

Think about whether you feel happier being a guy or girl.
But I don't think you are trans because you're are attracted to girls

 

When I thought I was a lesbian I also liked the idea of being in a same sex relationship (until I thought about the ermm physical side of things and realised it was all wrong) because it felt that there was a certain closeness being with someone the same gender

---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 10:16 PM ----------

:bang: why does this stress me out so much!

 

I think there's two rules with transition that are true with most people.

Number one, is it doesn't go away. Again, most people.

And number two, your sexuality is going to change. That might not mean who you are attracted to, although it often does. But your approach to sex and the urges you get and the situations you imagine yourself in, those will.

You don't have to have a woman to be a man though. I think that's a huge part of my dysphoria at times too. Masculine frame plus lesbian equals one of the guys in a lot of people's minds. It's really stupid that people can't separate bedroom and gender in their heads. I think gay men are if anything even more masculine than straight men, because they can endure society's BS and be themselves; they just have a lot more IDGAF. But then again I don't get to set the gender stereotypes.