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No resolution... very confused

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jan91, Jan 6, 2014.

  1. jan91

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi all :grin: I've posted on here before :grin:

    So I've come to terms that I am gay. But I've not come out to anyone yet etc. so I'm still a bit nervous about that...

    ... but my worries about being trans are kind of holding me back. This is what I'm feeling atm:

    - Thinking that 'If I am trans, everything could still be OK' kind of comforts me... if it turns out that I am, I could still live a great life (!)
    - BUT am I trans? I know this sounds stupid, but if I had to imprint a gender symbol upon my soul, it would be the male one...
    - I love stereotypically 'male' stuff (except sports) but I've never been very masculine... at all really... so at the moment I feel almost anxious about engaging in anything male
    - I used to be sure of my male form, but since my anxiety of being trans I have been getting more and more worried about it... is this normal?
    - I'm a virgin, but recently I've been getting these thoughts about having a vagina and how that would feel, and the feeling of being penetrated (sorry, sounds bizarre!) kinda turns me on... so confusing!
    - I have NEVER had such feelings before, it was only until I considered my sexuality really...
    - and my future I've typically thought of myself as a male, but I've been considering my future as a female and struggle to imagine it
    - Another thing - I'm a really anxious person, so could this just be anxiety? As I said before, I only thought about being trans when I considered my sexuality - particularly, coming on this forum and seeing this section... I thought "could I???"

    Hopefully when I go back to uni I can get some 'experience' :grin: with the same sex, could this resolve stuff?
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Put it this way, if you like being a dude, you always want to be a dude and you can only imagine yourself ever being a dude there is a high chance you are a dude! :slight_smile:

    Thoughts of having a vagina and how that might feel are really common, and shouldn't be taken on there own as evidence that you might be trans. Most people will at some point in there life spend time imagining what it would be like to be the opposite sex for a while and probably enjoy it, since we have a tendency to imagine only the positive aspects of it!

    One thing to be aware of is that it is easy to read some of the things we post in our little gender section and think "well that's what I think", because some of the stuff is common to a lot of people, but also because none of us are professionals here. We have to say things as simply as we can and without a lot of context they can sometimes seem quite vague! So if you're reading the posts make sure you are thinking about just how strongly these things connect with you, and ultimately remember the thing I said above. If that changes, then you might need to start thinking, but until then I wouldn't worry about it! :slight_smile:
     
  3. jan91

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Goodness you are a massive help. Thanks so much. :slight_smile: