Hi. Let me first start by saying that I have always identified as a cis girl. I've never seen myself as being comfy as anything but a girl. I love my she pronouns, but lately, I've also found that 'they' pronouns might also be comforting. The thing is, I'm not even sure if I can see myself as nonbinary. I know for sure I'm not male and, while decently tomboy, I still identify very strongly as female. And when people ask, I readily respond by saying "I'm a girl!" I've also been suffering from top dysphoria, which kind of comes and goes, it seems. Some days, I LOVE my boobs, and then other days, I just want them gone. I'm going to be purchasing some compression sports bras (I'm fortunate that they aren't very big) for the days where I just wish to be flat-chested. So, what should I do? I'm always worried that, as someone who's cis, I'm treading on sensitive territory and might be trivializing something that belongs to people who really ARE nonbinary. Help? ((
Hi and welcome to the forum. You are trying to find your way to cope, you certainly don't need to be afraid to offend anyone. It seems that the bra could help you with your problem, give it a try About the pronouns... You will need to explain your reasons to your friends and family if you want them to address you as they. Can you do that? Or are you not sure yourself?
I don't know how I could explain it to my family, as they are still invalidating my asexuality. But most of my friends can roll with it pretty well. And even if they choose to address me as she, I don't mind. I mean.. I still see myself as a girl. I feel like a girl. But 'they' is just so comfy-sounding, too. x_x;; ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 03:21 PM ---------- Also it's just I'm not even sure if I am a 'they,' if that makes sense.. Always felt 100% girl.
Then start with the friends and you will see. If your family hasn't come to terms with other things in your life, perhaps go slowly You want them to be your allies after all.
Don't worry about something that may never happen If it does, there will surely be some solution. You will either go back to she or choose something else.
Okay.. I think I'll give 'they' a try then! ) Thank you. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 04:52 PM ---------- Actually I'm still not sure.. This is really confusing and stressful. Should I just try it and see how comfy I actually am when someone calls me 'they' instead of 'she?' >.< I'm sorry. I'm just not sure.
If you feel comfortable asking people to call you 'they', even if it is a matter of telling them you aren't sure about it but would like to try it out, then do that. It's not irreversible, not if you find you don't like it. But if you do and it makes you feel better then that's surely a good thing Sometimes it's no use thinking about things and worrying about whether it will be right for you. I am guilty of doing that. A lot. You just have to go ahead and try it to see if it works for you
I think the issue I am struggling with is questioning if it is necessary for me to be called they. I really like it and think that it would be great if people called me that, but I also think it's great when people say "she." What do you guys think? I know you keep telling me to try it, but I don't know if it's a need for others to address me as anything but she, even if I would like it. Since I am comfortable with she pronouns as well.
Well put it this way, getting people to alter pronouns is a real pain in the backside and if you don't REALLY want them too or are quite comfortable with female ones then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If that ever changes, and you feel you really really want them to, then go for it, but there's not much point in you investing what could amount to a great deal of effort on your part and a great deal of strain on your friends parts for them to do something you're not sure you even want!
Well, truth be told, I had asked a friend to use 'they' with me a few hours ago and I'm not sure. It wasn't sitting right and I got bad butterflies when I said yes and she started calling me 'they' for a little bit. Maybe that's just fear, but it's also me thinking that I should just stick to she pronouns. And it's true that it is a lot of effort and I don't know if I'm ready for that. Or if I'd ever be. However, in the future, if this sentiment does change, I will take everyone's advice and just see where it goes. Thank you for helping me with this, too!
UPDATE: even after that decision, i decided to go ahead and give they/them another shot.. Thanks guys! ;_;
