How do I deal with my gender and passing?

"I just want to pass and even know if it's alright to be a crossdresser transman"

Why wouldn't it be? This is one of those 'there is no rulebook' sort of moments, I can see why your friends might suggest you shouldn't, but realistically what is to stop you? Does it make you less of a man? Not especially...dresses are great anyway!

Will people accept you as male? Perhaps not if you're wearing a dress unless they know about that you're a guy beforehand...but otherwise, they have no reason not to.

 

As far as hormones go, I know you said you don't want them. You don't even need to give us a reason, if you don't want them, they aren't for you, and you are not any less of a man in my book. I just wanted to clear some stuff up as far as health.

The two types of cancer testosterone can cause - breast and endometrium - you can prevent completely by getting your breasts, uterus, and ovaries removed. I mean obviously talk to a doctor and not random people like me on the internet, but the big health risks are diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, and liver disease. Don't start smoking if you haven't started, and quit if you have. Testosterone can be a healthy hormone to have in you instead of estrogen, you just have to take care of your body the way any other guy does. Lots of cardio exercise helps, and lifting weights is the easiest way men have to keep their metabolism up and their fat and cholesterol down. Just don't overdo it or you'll make things worse for your heart instead of better.

Sorry, I'll go ahead and answer the question you actually asked

It is very tempting to take what your friends have to say to heart like an honest critique. But the problem is, they have known the old you. Part of what they see is that experience. It's actually harder for your friends to see you as a boy than anyone else.

That's really the big problem. You just can't get any accurate answers as to whether you pass, and the feedback you do get won't help. The bad stuff is going to affect you emotionally, you are going to feel like "what the heck do I need to do!" and not come up with anything, and the good stuff is always going to feel forced or like you're not really sure if they mean it.

What you have to do is, instead of trying to look like a boy, try to look more like one today than you did yesterday. Then you will just focus on what does work and what doesn't. Pictures help too.

My personal goal isn't to pass, I set my sights a little higher. My personal goal is to eventually be able to look professional. To be able to go into an interview or a presentation in a skirt and a blouse, and be completely comfortable and confident. The person I have been hiding is a lot more outgoing and sure of herself, and I just want to give her a chance to shine.

In other words, my own goal doesn't really have so much to do with other people's perception of me, as my perception of myself. There are healthy limits I have to accept, just like anyone else, as far as what I can do to make myself attractive. But within those limits there is a lot I can do day to day to help. I'm not where I need to be yet, but every day I feel a little closer. Minus the occasional setback of course.

As far as dresses go, again this is about what you want and who you are, not just about what other people see. When other people see you as a man, they won't be able to see you as anything but a man if you throw on a dress.

 

There's this website that I'm probably too fond of if you want general passing tips:

The FTM's Complete Illustrated Guide to Looking Like a (Hot) Dude

Unfortunately, you can't really change your face. Sometimes going on T for a while can help masculinize your face. If you don't want hormones, that's fine, and doesn't make you any less trans or less male than anyone else! Shaving, believe it or not, can make a bit of an impact on passing, since men don't have peach fuzz, they're either shaven or beardy. But if you're not super androgynous looking and strongly male-presenting, it probably won't do anything, in all honesty.

As far as clothing goes, of course a transman can wear dresses. I wear dresses. I am unashamed of this. I plan on wearing them more post-transition actually, since they'll no longer contour my feminine form and make me feel bad. The only thing I can say about dresses is that you won't pass in them, not even a little bit.

Also I agree with Cassie.

 

Hormones are a big thing, and you are right to consider the health risks, take your time with it and try not to feel pressured into it if you really decide it's not for you!

 

Definitely, try to make it a day by day thing! You'll get to learn first hand what works for you and what doesn't.

And you're not alone, not even a little.

 

I recommend you meet with a doctor who has experience with testosterone therapy and talk through your concerns. There are very real health risks associated with hormone replacement, but they are not as severe as many people initially think. Gather all the facts before you completely rule them out in the name of your health. Chances are you will be able to take them safely, perhaps just with a bit of extra monitoring to watch for the cancers you are genetically pre-disposed to.

In regards to passing now without T, remember that there's more to passing than just your looks. Many many people pass in photographs but not in person because they aren't projecting maleness in their mannerisms. Watch other boys and mimic the way they hold themselves, walk, and gesture. Voice inflections and word choice are also bigger gender indicators than pitch.

Another good thing is to try to find some people who never knew you when you were presenting as female and see if you pass with them. It can often be hard for people who have known you one way to think of you another way. Expanding your social circle outside the people you go to school with will go a long way towards finding people who will see you as your true gender.

 

If i could trade bodies with you I would. as hard as it is having a extremely feminine body knowing you are male, it is equally as hard having a weightlifters build knowing you are female. Maybe filling out your eyebrows with the eyebrow pencil. When i want to look more manly, flanel shirts loose fit jeans, boots and a baseball hat. yeah it might be cliche but it covers up a lot. And the clothes you wear is Always up to you. if you want to wear a dress you wear a dress or you could wear a kilt.. might work for ya. hope this helped a little

Emily

 

Go for it. If people hate on you...forget them.

 

What you want to do hurts no-one, so of course you can do it.

Also, you're not alone if you're here.