Okay, so I guess this qualifies as a rant, but I'm really depressed right now. It makes more than a year that I'm out and have been trying to get my transition started, but nothing's moving. I haven't even seen the first gender psychiatrist because when I asked to see a psychiatrist in my city, they waited six months to tell me they couldn't deal with the kind of problem I had and referred me to Montreal. Now, my appointment is in February, but it should have been around October or sooner... Waiting for it though, I must endure school and getting misgendered 100% of the time, even when I'm doing my hardest to appear male. I'm out at school, but the direction can't stop pulling reasons out of nowhere to not call me how I prefer, even in the year book, which I talked about previously (I'm supposed to give them a note from the psychiatrist, it seems). Now, I avoid everything, including going to the library, going to see my friends, going to see my teachers or just doing activities related to school. I'm so scared of getting misgendered that I've been having panic attacks in the last week. I have no motivation to do my work, and since I'm in an advanced program, that is a big problem. Everything goes so fast regarding homework that I have trouble pulling myself together to finish my tasks, which I need to do to get my diploma (it's my last year in high school). Now, I feel like crying every 15 minutes, but I restrain myself from doing so because I'd feel very humiliated and I get headaches when I cry to make it worse. But now, I cried in class today. I didn't make any sound and I covered my face, but I still feel bad about it because I'm sure people noticed. Anyway, to sum it up, I feel like shit.
Nothing I can say will make you feel any better, so I have to hope an online hug might help a little! /hug
I know! It's really weird how the psychologist there just makes things worse. There's also the art teacher who sent me out of class that I must see next week, because I can't get back in arts before that. What a pain :***: @Girishbbe I know that too. I've been waiting so long for college, and I really hope I can get farther in my transition before I get there (that was the goal, at first). It'll really be a new beginning there, at least, since I'll be moving into Quebec City.
First of all, I'm terribly sorry to hear about how nothing seems to be progressing, and I completely understand the frustrations. I, too, was completely out as trans at my high school, I dealt with consistent misgendering, snide comments, the casual transphobia and transphobic comments, and I had little to no support on my side beside the 'friends' I'd spend time with, but even they would slip up with pronouns and weren't all too encouraging. While trying to struggle with all of this, I was also dealing with my home life, dysphoria, and also getting my medical transition underway. It wasn't easy in the slightest. I'd break down, thinking that nothing was worth it, and thinking that my transition was pointless and regretted coming out considering how others had treated me, and how no progress had been made. But now that I've graduated, and have finally started hormones, things got so much better for me, and they will for you, too. I'm positive you can get further into your transition once you graduate from high school (as did I), and you won't have to deal with the misgendering after that point, or stressing about high school in general. I know you can pull through, as did I, even if it was the hardest point of my life, and would be for a lot of people in this situation. You're stronger than you know, being able to still attend school and try your best, as much as other things try to envelop and weigh you down. Just picture the future and how much better things will get. It takes time, but it's definitely worth it. Keep up with your studies as best you can, and time will fly quicker than you know, and it'll get better. You can always come to us here on EC, and vent when it's not going right either, as I wish I had spoke more about it rather than keep it all bottled up. Things will improve, albeit slowly. (*hug*)
Thanks, it really means a lot. Knowing you went through pretty much the same thing and got out of it gives me hope (Though, people have not been really transphobic with me, just really ignorant). I'm actually counting the days left until February 5th (18 school days). That is where it should get better (hopefully). Also, I must admit that I'm a bit excited to show my personal project in March (which is a novel with a trans character in it), so I can always look forward to that, too.
