Gender Identity feelings!

Well here I go, I'm so nervous...

So I'm 19 and i've been experiencing what I suspect is gender diasphoria for quite a while (since I was 14), and have only recently done the research into why im feeling the way I do, feelings of which have been getting stronger since the beginning of last year.

I've always been "one of the girls" when it comes to a lot of things, having been labelled a "lesbian stuck in a guys body" in my second last year of highschool, a label I gladly accepted, but now feel is not enough. Ive always found i felt female, despite playing rugby and other masculine sports for 13 years, playing such aports just didnt feel...right...not to mention my WHOLE team thought I was gay because of the way I "held myself", which after asking my bestfriend if it was true she simply answered "you act really girly, if that is what u mean". I've always had a fondness for female clothing, though ive been too nervous and self-conscious to buy, let alone wear, any such items, with the only girls clothing (I should be saying accesories) I wear in public being a heart pendent bracelet and a purple butterfly necklace, things I can hide shuld I run into people I know (clearly i havent come out yet, since im not certain). The joy I felt helping my female friends choose formal (prom) dresses kinda made me feel left out, almost depressed.

I've been reading up on some advice you guys have given other people, such as going onto other forums and basically acting the gender u know u r, and the fact is I've been doing exactly that since I was 14, and being treated like a girl makes me feel...happy...something being treated like a guy has never made me feel.

Is what im feeling diasphoria? Or am I just a really feminine guy? My doubt is due to people saying they felt this way strongly since puberty started and ive only just begun having these strong feelings last year.

Thanks in advance for ur time!
--Pixie--

 

Body wise Im not happy, I feel too masculine and im not to fond of my facial hair, I shave it twice a day to make sure it stays gone. I hate it. I just feel annoyed at most aspects of my body.

Basically body wise im built like a muscled rugby player and I hate it, I want a feminine body.

 

Whenever I tell myself want a female body it completely scares me, not in a way that feels wrong, but I kinda feel relieved that ive admitted it.

Although it makes me nervous admit it, this forums the first time i've talked to anyone about wat im feeling, so sorry if I cant put it into words well...

 

Im comfortable talking about it, just arent quite good at puttng feelings and thoughts into words .

I always go to sleep wishing id wake up a girl. So I guess waking up as a girl, not as a feminine guy, would be wat I want. I feel like it would be great to be a girl, like id be who I should be.

To be honest, it feels like its out of reach and not a reality, which I know isnt true, but still, it is what I want.

 

Haha thanks a lot for your time!

I feel almost certain that I am transgender, but im nervous as to how my close friends and family will react. Whenever I think about it I get anxiety, I cant sleep becoz I feel upset. I keep thinking of wat my life wuldve been like if I had been born a girl, and wat my life culd be like if I woke up as a girl, and it makes me depressed when I realise that future just isnt possible the way I am. It feels like I was born in the wrong body and I just want out.

This girl is a little shorter then me, dresses similar to how I dress, has blue streaks in her hair (I always wanted streaks, but I culdnt bring myself to get them - again selfconscious). She feels proud, happy and doesnt hold back. She does what she wants.

I guess a lot like me, but in a female body.

 

Haha I thought that ramble sounded rather silly :S.

I'd definately become a girl. Probably be shorter and reduce how broad my shoulders r as well .

 

Haha thanks!

Weeeeeell id probs get hair extensions, those blue streaks ive always wanted, probs buy some unisex clothing, probably more accessories! More necklacea for sure! some more lip gloss because the one Im using is old and ew. Id probably get make up lessons tbh, since I tried putting some on once and it didnt end well. Buuuut id probably fully Cosplay a character from an Anime or manga if I culd pull it off! Ive always wanted to do that but Ive only ever wanted to Cosplay if I was a girl!

Id also probably go and start transitioning as well.

 

Haha it's wat ive always wanted to do, ive even gone and planned out where I wuld buy the clothes and stuff , I just never did buy it all though :O.

Unisex clothing, lip gloss, skin products, more hair products, bracelets, necklaces...I culd go on, but ill stop myself :3.

Plan an appointment to get started, tho the first step is coming out to my parents, which im most scared of.

 

If clothes look cute together I always take note .

My mum wuld probably take it hard, my dad, brother and sister, on the otherhand, wuld probably think its ridiculous. When ive planned in the past of coming out its always been with psychologists report in my hand saying its all true.

 

Should I say im transgender? Or say I have gender diasphoria first?

I dont know wat to say!