my wife is PISSED OFF!

AMy wife and I are trying to figure out how to deal with all this Trans stuff. She suggested riding it out for a year and seeing where it goes. We had been talking prior to this issue of meas a lesbian, but it's understandably upsetting. So we don't talk about it much. Just do things. She's trying to adjust, but I found tonight that she's angry and upset about the ring.

I didn't think it made a lot of difference because she's not wearing her present ring anyway plus she still doesn't think transition is necessary but a choice of me over her and the kids. But as I've come to mention frequently, if you can't be true to yourself, no one else will be either.

She left. Angry. Hurt. She stormed out and I was in tears. Hurt. worried. Wondering her next move, hoping she'll calm down and talk. Like adults. She consciously says she understands it's a need. But to mention it causes her to be recluse. So we were shopping for coats while they were on sale tonight. She told me to go and look and she'd stay (in the misses) and look. I took it as she wouldn't hear of me in a misses, and trying to oblige, I went to men's. Nothing. Plus it's all big on me ... Misses small to medium fit great! Runaround. Find nothing. Telling her to get hers, I decide to tell her i wanted one like it. She's pissed. Not giving her any credit. She's been telling me I'm selfish so I felt I was. After all I'm going to feminize and she's got to adjust. Or decide she cannot. I wouldn't blame her either way. But knowing something might leave a bad taste in your mouth (knowing I'm Trans here and what I have to do to hall this dysphoria).But not knowing what to do is harder (knowing that she may leave with the kids, transition or not, because of the dysphoria and depression it's causing). I'm not sure what to do about it. Lose my family out lose myself. I can't be the "man" she married.:eusa_liar

---------- Post added 12th Jan 2014 at 06:45 PM ----------

Oops damn Android Swype keypad!

 

Please don't try to be a "man" for her. As someone who's tried going back from being trans, it really does only make things worse.

She is upset, there isn't a way around that. She is in a tough spot admittedly, and being thrown out of her comfort zone. Remember the five stages of grief? It's sort of like that.

Kübler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I believe someone has posted this link before, but it stands true. She's angry.

 

Fair enough. I've actually tried the "going back" thing too already. Think it has made it worse like you said.

 

Thank you all for understanding.

 

I thank you all for your support and thought. I'm sorry if I seem selfish and shameless in my postings. You have no idea how much it means to me!

 

Thank you all!

 

My wife is telling me that I should use my therapist as a marriage counselor now. I think that would be messy. She told me that she didn't give a f#&k about what my former psych said about needing to love myself before I can show love to others, that's his opinion. But his opinion mattered when he said that she's done all she can be expected to do. Wha??

 

It's true. I've told her that it's a mixed orientation marriage. I'm lesbian, she's never considered being with a woman, let alone marry one. I'm just trying to be as amicable as possible and not let her use "divorce" as a weapon or as anoffensive term. Thank you all again.

---------- Post added 13th Jan 2014 at 02:00 PM ----------

Can't blame a girl for trying to be amicable, can you? Btw .. My former doc said it'd be messy for him to counsel both of us.

 

Your therapist & marriage counselor need to be different. Your therapist should tell you that. Ask for a referral for a marriage counselor if your wife wants to do couples therapy.

 

She is also seeing a therapist and was told that it's not ethical to have a third.hers is a suicide therapist SOOOOO we can't see hers. Not together. She's been told she's done all she can do by hers.