Big rant (sorry just had to get it down in writing)

So today begun with another argument with my mum about me being trans. I told her over a year ago now before I was even sure myself because I couldn't cope with the feelings. They just hit me like a train.

She is still in complete denial that I'm trans and with regard to the chance I am, is almost emotionally blackmailing me NOT to transition because of the guilt I should feel at having taken her daughter away. She keeps saying the same old :***: about how lots of people aren't happy with their bodies and have to learn to live with it. She actually doesn't see why I even need to transition, even though I am struggling to even get out of bed every day because I'm that depressed from the dysphoria.

I need her to support me and say that the family will still love me whoever I am because right now, even thinking about transition doesn't make me feel that I will get any more comfortable with my body and that I will be any happier than I am right now. Quite frankly being trans SUCKS. Sorry I don't mean to be offensive to anyone but it does. I am so :***:ing angry with my life. This is the only one I've got and it's :***: I feel as though there's no future for me. I'm absolutely miserable as a woman but knowing I'm never going to be a convincing man even with surgery and t I just don't see how I am going to feel any better. If I could be reborn and couldn't change my trans feelings, I would want to be a man but I'm not comfortable with the idea of masculine features on the body that I have been born with. I feel like SRS is almost like putting someone together from mismatched pieces. Some trans guys look great. Amazing in fact! As do some transwomen. Trans people can look no different to cis people and even better! but as someone who has been born with the most unlikely physical traits for a man, the puzzle piece thing is just the way I feel about my body. So what will transition give me other than a sense of dissatisfaction? At the moment I just feel that even if I do transition, I will always be angry that I'm trans. I can't even bring myself to watch tv or socialise at all because all I see are cis people who have what I want and can't ever have - the right body. I am so angry I could smash my computer screen right now as I'm typing this rant. I just hate the fact I'm trans. Hate it :tears:

 

Okay, just breathe. I've learned everything will be fine if you just breathe.

Don't tell yourself you won't be a convincing man! You have to tell yourself you will be amazing however you look. If you're unsure about transitioning now, don't do it. It sounds like it would be a bad thing if you tried to transition now.

Have you shown your mom some videos of other trans people? That might help get her to see your point of view. I don't have much experience in this area yet, so I can't offer much assistance.

 

This might help:

My Child is Transgender: 10 tips for parents of adult trans children

I plan on screencapping it and printing it off for my own parents when I come out. I read through it, and it seems like it'll help.

 

Good idea clockworkfox. The annoying thing is my mum was offered support but turned it down so a book would be good because she will probably read that.

 

That's what I'm thinking. It gives them the option of approaching the subject on their own time, and it's written in a manner that I think is both comforting and encouraging. In her heart she doesn't want to lose you I think, so it should help her out in coming to terms with things.

 

Yes it is not as daunting as attending a support group. I am so scared of transition it's unbelievable

---------- Post added 17th Jan 2014 at 07:45 PM ----------

ahahahaha my status thing has been changed to EC addict....oh dear

 

Fearing our desires is often part of the process. Embracing is scary. Yet how can we escape being us?