how do you get over hating yourself for being trans?

If anyone has any tips, please advise me.

I feel like I'm a disgusting, repulsive, worthless and unlovable person and for my own benefit and everyone else's, should just accept that my life isn't worth living and find the guts to end it.:tears:

 

By realising that trans isn't disgusting or repulsive and it doesn't make a person worthless or unlovable. Killing yourself won't be for your benefit. It's not your fault so it's pointless to blame yourself. If you're feeling low then you're likely to have a more bleak view of yourself and the world. If you haven't done so already, and you feel comfortable with this idea, then working towards transition might be a positive goal. It won't make your life perfect but it'll help, especially in regards to any social dysphoria.

I've had these crazy panic attacks where I think wow I'm the scum of the earth, my feelings are invalid due to bipolar, I'm mentally broken beyond repair, why didn't I go to university, etc. They eventually end. Thar reminds me of a joke, I think it was Jack Dee of the NHS who said "Yes these are waiting lists but time is a great healer!" You feel terrible right now but if you keep going forward you'll feel at least somewhat better eventually. Are there times when you feel even a little bit better? While your dysphoria may never end, you can learn to manage it to reduce the impact. You shoudn't have to, but you are forced to fight tooth and nail, so you can't call yourself gutless.

 

I'll say it simply.

Need to unlearn what you have learned and take the long road to self acceptance. It does take a while but you will see yourself through the journey.

Talk to people here, there are many who are like you and it is a great place for support.

We do understand and care about you.

 

Because, I figure, why hate myself for being trans when I can hate myself for being fat or having terrible taste in literature?

That aside, I know it's not a mindset you can break yourself out of with a snap of your fingers. It's unfortunately something I think most transpeople grow up hearing, even if only subconsciously. We learn, whether through media or peers, that being trans is at best a punchline ("Oh, I just had the operation and now I'm a hot bitch"), at worst a deviance ("Boys? In the girls bathroom? You're all a bunch of perverts!")

Thing is, you're not the problem. You're a person with as any right to happiness as the next guy over there.

If there's anything being dragged out to sit through cartoons with my sisters taught me, it's "a person's a person, no matter how small."

And hey, works for me.

 

You're not fat, bro...

Anyway, running gets me over my dysphoria, but I am only a mild case.

Being trans* is okay, and there are people out there who will understand and love you for who you are. You just have to learn who they are.

 

For me, it was a process. Being someone who has had severe self-esteem issues as a kid, getting over my self-hate was a long thing that didn't stop overnight. It's mainly a process of turning that hate into self-love. Knowing that you aren't a bad person and there's nothing wrong with being trans. For me, I also felt that being a trans person, I'd never find love and being trans, but I was proven wrong and I have the most amazing partner ever.

I wish the self-loathing mentality was something that could be kicked overnight, but it's sadly something that takes time to work on. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you helps, but much of it is an internal thing that you work on--after all, how you feel about yourself is what counts at the end of the day.

Good luck and stay strong!

 

Take the trans part out. It's a part of who you are, yes, but there's so much more to you.

Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are worth it. That you are handsome, amazing, and wonderful. Tell yourself whatever you need to every day in order for it to be true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qqm8B2p1aI

 

I guess I never really hated myself "for being Trans" specifically. Before accepting it I hated myself for not having the guts to deal with it. I mean during acceptance I did the same soul searching I think every body in our position does, the whole wondering if there's something wrong with me and the like. I worried about society and maybe I felt a little hate toward the world at large for working so hard to convince me there's something wrong with me for it. I've never hated myself for being Trans though. At best I hated myself for knowing I was and not doing something about it for so many years.

There's nothing wrong with you as a person.

 

When I felt like that, it was mostly tied to my coming out guilt. Getting away from people that were trying to make me feel guilty and ashamed all the time helped more than anything.

You are beautiful, and there are plenty if people who will love you for who you are. You just have to look.

 

So it goes. Here I am, wondering if I did the right thing in telling my wife about my inner femme. Not entirely sure how to make her (my inner femme) known, but for now I'll just wing it. ElliaOtoku (sorry if it's misspelled) mentioned on one of my threads that, if you just assert yourself to the right people that you are ___(female in my case) to the right people, then they will treat you as such. Like Cassie said, just gotta look. We only live once. I've gotten past the hating myself point. Now it's a new adventure. Just go along for the ride.

 

Thanks for the support. I just really hate myself because I know that no matter what treatment I get, I will never look like a 'real' guy. I am short (5.3") and my face is SO feminine.

I just feel that I will never look acceptable to myself as a guy, nevermind anyone else so how I can possibly even think that anyone could ever like me I don't know.

I don't know how you all cope with dysphoria but mine is seriously bad now and I don't think I will make it to the gender clinic it's too far off and I can't cope. Everyday waking up in the wrong body is emotional and mental torment. I am scared :tears: scared I'm going to be one of the suicide statistics for transpeople:icon_sad:

 

However you look after transition is how a real guy looks because you are a real guy. Even within cisguys there is a variation between masculine and feminine features and I don't see why that should be any different with trans people.

 

Still haven't dealt with it.

But shouldn't hate yourself for something that's not your fault!

 

:icon_sad: Today I have been thinking about how I've changed since realising I'm trans and none of it feels for the better. I haven't even started treatment yet and I'm scared how much more all of the positive things about my personality which I associated with being more feminine will fade away and the negative ones will become even more pronounced as I become more masculine and get hrt.

It's so sad :icon_sad: I'm becoming a person I hate, not someone I aspire to be .

I used to be clean, neat and tidy but since I realised I was trans I have felt more masculine and don't care for cleanliness as much. I care less about other people, I am angrier and more aggressive, I have totally dissociated myself from all of my previous interests that were feminine, I don't care as much for animals as I used to, I am still vegetarian but over the past year I feel weird urges to eat meat , I see women from more of a misogynist view which is worrying as my idea of a relationship has changed, I see them more sexually than before and I fear I'm going to be one of those horrid guys that's only bothered about sex rather than love.

My dad is a horrible person and I see myself becoming more and more like him. Why is this happening to me?

 

Height can be crippling for some guys, but just remember that there are a lot of bio guys who are short.

FUCK YEAH SHORT GUYS

So it's not really the end of the world. I take comfort in that now, looking back and recalling one of my friends was about the same height I was in high school (probably no more than 5'1") and no one ever batted an eye towards him. The other thing is that transition doesn't mean you have to change who you are, conforming to be something that you aren't. Stay true to yourself and don't forget that. As far as coping mechanisms go, it's something you'll probably find along the way. I wish I had some advice, but for me it's a mind over matter thing.

CharlesAsher on Coping Mechanisms

[YOUTUBE]VlrW_JolIIE[/YOUTUBE]

 

Well it's good that you are so self-reflective. I'd say your problem stems from a dysphoric depression more than a Trans masculine attitude. You seem to be similar to me in that you're coming to terms with the realization that you are Trans.

I subconsciously know I'm genderqueer, well, on the more feminine side of it, but I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the idea that gender is a gradient scale rather than complete binary.

You could also be subconsciously trying to fit the male stereotype. Just be you and figure out where you fit in.

All the best!

 

Jealous!! Seriously, I'm only 5'5" and can wear boys' XL (not that I ever want to!) But people assume me to be male! If you go for medical transition, you certainly would pass. Testosterone will redistribute body fat, cause your vocal cords to change and give you a deeper voice. It will likely grow more body hair (eeew!) and beard hair. So yes, you'd definitely look like a "real" man.

 

I think we had another thread where GreatWhale said a lot of positive things about masculinity not too long ago. I think it gets a bad rep it doesn't deserve. There's something to be said for being a creature of action who makes tough decisions quickly and takes the consequences on their own shoulders. I think both masculinity and femininity are made up of qualities that every human being should aspire to.

 

Thank you Cassie. I agree with this. It's also my personal belief that no person is entirely masculine or feminine because we all have qualities that can be deemed masculine or feminine, and because the basis of masculinity and femininity shifts across cultures.

---------- Post added 20th Jan 2014 at 02:31 AM ----------

You could also be internalizing the prevalent and more negative aspects of maleness. Think about it - are these thoughts and ideas really your own, or a result of what society deems "masculine" applied over your natural tendencies? If you don't want to be a scummy mysoginistic carnist, then don't be - it's not you, and it won't feel right.

Keep in mind you're dealing with what sounds like depression as well - that'll suck the urge to be tidy and clean out of anybody. I've been a vegetarian since I was 14, I've been vegan for almost a year now. And when I get low, I stop caring, I get urges to eat meat because it's quite frankly easy. Readily available. Sold for a dollar fifty around every corner, wrapped in paper and popped in a bag in two minutes or less. My point is, depression sucks. It sucks the drive out of you, the care out of you.

 

When I feel more like 'me' as in this is who I really am, I just don't have any feelings at all. My family might as well be strangers to me, I have no urge to be sociable. After 2 minutes of being with another person I can't hack it and I have to leave and retreat back to my room.

More and more things are giving me dysphoria and that is how I know that is not who I truly am. Even therapy is giving me dysphoria. When I feel to be truly me here in the present, why would I want to go and talk about 'feelings' for an hour every time. What feels to be me as an adult male is that I have no interest whatsoever in friendships, relationships, even just talking to people. I don't see what place 'feelings' have in my life. I watched some youtube videos and read some ftm blogs so I don't know maybe I'm internalising some other people's stuff but what truly feels to be me as a man (and I'm not sure it makes me happy, it just means no dysphoria) is this:

I am a solitary male who doesn't need or want friendships/companionship/relationships or even animals for company. Talking to people and caring for pets give me dysphoria because they seem too 'girly'. I am not sociable at all. I can't hack it. It drives me insane. Even writing this here now is too much like socialising.

I am not interested in looking fashionable/well dressed because it gives me dysphoria and makes me feel too 'girly'.

I am at a point in my life where I have no interests or hobbies. I quit them all because they were feminine and gave me dysphoria. They didn't feel right for me. But when I'm trying to think about what I would want to take up, it's like another person has taken over my psyche because I've never wanted to take up watching sports before, hunting/shooting, building models but these are things that would spring to mind that don't make me feel dysphoric and could be realistic things I might like.


I was thinking about doing some voluntary work to help get me back into a job but what I've realised is most things involve talking and interacting with other people, which I can't bear. Things like caring for people also seem too feminine for me so they only jobs i can realistically think of doing are working alone as a maintenance guy or something.

Being neat and tidy also give me dysphoria. As a woman I used to enjoy caring about things being clean and interiors looking nice. Now I want my room as minimal as possible and I don't care how it looks. If it looks in any way ordered or things match, this gives me dysphoria.

Seriously I don't see how these changes are affecting my life in a positive way as one might think transitioning would.