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How to nicely remind someone to use the right pronouns?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Techno Kid, Jan 18, 2014.

  1. Techno Kid

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    I can't really put it into words what I feel when people call me "he" so when I came out to my parents I said I get a little to a lot of stress when seen as a man (caled male pronouns).

    When they use he for me it just feels wrong and like they don't respect me. I also feel trapped during those times. Would that be clear enough you think?

    My pronouns are "they" or my name by the way.
     
    #1 Techno Kid, Jan 18, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2014
  2. Fourth Gate

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    I would imagine that something like this is hard to get used to and takes time. I don't think it's them not respecting you, more likely that they aren't used to it yet.
     
  3. BradThePug

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    It will take some time for them to get used to using they pronouns. My parents cannot even call me "he" yet. I would just kindly remind them with something along the lines of "I would like to be addressed as this because of this reason" type of response.
     
  4. fortheloveoflez

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    if you hear the person say "he"
    reply with "who?"
    and then when they look to you
    say, "oh you mean they"
     
  5. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    You know, it depends. With family, I don't correct them. It seems my mom just emphasizes female pronouns anyway and the way I see it, they don't want to put in the effort and I don't want to antagonize.

    Anyone else, I just correct them. "It's he..." Drives me fucking nuts when people use female pronouns. Gender neutral, I'm okay with. Not great but if someone, for whatever reason, can't remember I like male pronouns then I'll live with "they" or my name.
     
  6. Hexagon

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    I was going to mention cacti, but then I saw you said nicely.
     
  7. Techno Kid

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    :lol:

    ---------- Post added 19th Jan 2014 at 05:54 PM ----------

    And thanks everyone for the tips so far! :slight_smile:
     
  8. Miss Emma

    Miss Emma Guest

    I have this problem. My wife can't grasp that I'm "she," "they," or just my name (btw ... It's not Emma, yet!). She at least acknowledges I'm more female, but genderqueer is a tough one for binary, and especially cisgender people. Give them time, I guess. (come to think of it, maybe I'll give myself time ...)
     
  9. DragonQueen

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    Honestly, it jsut depends on who it is that's using the pronouns. Like if it's just someone checking my stuff out at the grocery store, I'm not as worried about it (though I still get butterflies in my tummy whenever I get called ma'am or miss!), but for my friends (not out to family yet), I tend to just politely correct them if they use male pronouns, but not in front of people. It's a learning process for all of us, but in the end, I think it's working out fairly well considering how many people used to use male pronouns exclusively with me.