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How to cope with being a masculine female?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Shell110, Jan 20, 2014.

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  1. Shell110

    Shell110
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    My gender expression/presentation is a lot more masculine than the average female. I prefer to wear males clothing because it allows me to express who I am. When I wear female clothing it feels as if I am cross dressing and I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I am comfortable with my birth sex (female) - its only my gender expression that can be a problem. For example, it would more difficult to be accepted to a job that considers its employers the face of the company or representing an organization so teaching high school is out of the question for me. And when I enter bathrooms I almost always get the dreaded stares and the, "is that a man or a woman" question is clearly expressed on their faces. This happens in other public places too where some people will just stop and stare to get a look at me. One time a guy with his girlfriend were walking when he said, "Hey, that's a dyke yo". I walked into another aisle and waited until they left :tears:. And then there are the children who police the men's/young men's clothing section as if it is forbidden for me to go there. Does anyone here who doesn't follow the gender binary experience this? How do you cope with it? How can I cope with it? Sometimes I feel like people are trying to convince me that I'm some ugly monster that shouldn't exist or be in anyone else's view.
     
    #1 Shell110, Jan 20, 2014
  2. Kasey

    Kasey
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First of all, you're beautiful no matter who you are. Binary gender is what our society recognizes as the norm and ostracized others that don't fit. I express myself in both masculine and feminine ways, you need to be happy with you, forget how others perceive you. Those who make comments like that are insecure so they degrade others.

    Second, why couldn't you be a teacher? What makes you say that?
     
    #2 Kasey, Jan 20, 2014
  3. 51chameleons

    51chameleons
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    Location:
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    Just so you know: my high school GSA sponsor and US History teacher is an out butch lesbian. I live in a quasi-urban environment, so you may want to look into larger, more liberal schools, but you could definitely be a high school teacher and present the way you want to.
     
    #3 51chameleons, Jan 20, 2014
  4. suninthesky

    suninthesky
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    Confidence goes a long way. People base their actions on your actions. Don't look away. Don't look down or to the side. Look at people's faces/eyes. It shows that you are not intimidated by them, and that you are confident as you are. Then they will have less of a reason to confront you or make comments.

    You are you, and you should be proud of it. Carry yourself well, because you are worthy. If being confident feels like an act at first, that's okay; you can grow into the role until it is part of who you are.

    Teaching high school is well within your reach. Don't sell yourself short.
     
    #4 suninthesky, Jan 20, 2014
  5. fortheloveoflez

    fortheloveoflez
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    Hey there,
    I can get how you feel to a degree. When I was younger especially I always cut my hair super short, wore baggy clothes and played sports with the boys. I remember people actually had the nerve to come up to me and ask me why I'm "dressed like a boy". I'm now more feminine-looking but with a masculine edge.

    I do want to applaud you for being who you are despite the stares. You've actually done it much longer than I have so that's brave. Mens clothing is also much more comfortable and less revealing than women's so I wouldn't blame you one bit for preferring it. Besides, you are who you are.

    My advice: Zone them out. That's what I would do. I just stopped looking at people's expressions as seriously...and just kind of....stopped paying attention to them. You can do that by trying to get the thought "what do they think" out of your mind. That way, you would then probably be less sensitive and probably not even pay attention to what they say because you'd be focused on other things. For me, every single time I went to the bathroom I would just go directly to the stall....wouldn't even have one single thought of "what if some one says some thing"...and in that way I just ended up zoning people out.

    Society is a bitch some times. It treats you badly if you don't conform but that's really because it's people's inability to think out of the box. By existing YOU are challenging their associations and assumptions which is why they give you troubled looks for most of the time. It's because THEY'RE confused. Not you.

    Also, I noticed that once you have long hair and you're female...people tend to look at you less even if you wear baggy flannel clothing. Short hair with baggy clothing tends to get more stares...


    Best wishes.
     
    #5 fortheloveoflez, Jan 20, 2014
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