So I have been thinking of when I come out to my intermediate family how long should I let them adjust till I lay the law about trying and using correct pronouns? I figure that there must be some sort of adjustment period to process everything but how long would be an appropriate amount of time? Should I tell them about the adjustment period and how after that I want them to use male pronouns at least try to? Also should I wait longer to talk to them about my preferred name like when they start getting the male pronouns right if the even try.
Debatable. Remember, what you want and what you are going to get are very different, it would be great if everyone nailed it from the minute you said it but it won't happen, they've known you for 15 years now using these pronouns and it takes a while to change the habit. Not to mention that unless you somehow manage to pass flawlessly almost immediately the chances are high they are going to see the same 'you' they've always seen which will totally mess with pronouns. So for the moment forget a time-scale for error and think about it this way. From the very second you say "I want you to use X pronouns and Y name" you want to see them TRYING to get it right some of the time. If they get it wrong once, let it pass and see if it happens again, the next time, calmly and quietly ask them to use the right one. All you need to look for is evidence that they are trying! For example, my grandmother will say my birth name and then stop what she was saying stamp her foot a little and just go "OOOOH" because she is cross with herself. I know she's trying to get it, so when she uses male pronouns I will let it slide usually. My mum on the other hand spent ages not bothering, and on occasion would correct AWAY from MY name and say "Holly, no, BIRTH NAME!", so I have become accustomed to just looking at her and saying "She, mum, it's SHE". See how people handle it and how prepared they are to try!
Thank you for answering I know they wont get if off the bat. I feel like my mom probably not even try when I actually talked to her about it she said we would talk about male pronouns in a year or so which I fine ridiculous to wait a year to even consider it.
" which I fine ridiculous to wait a year to even consider it." Which falls under the category of 'not trying at all' which as far as I'm concerned gives you as much right as any to make a thing of it when she uses the wrong ones.
My dad wanted for me to wait a year because I have a hard time commiting to things before I came out to everyone as butch but Im starting to question that.Maybe I'm FTM
My friends got it within weeks. People at work got there within 6 months for most of them, with the occassional slip-up which I would talk to their managers about once the 2 year milestone was crossed. My parents never tried, due to disowning me. The rest of the family was good; my aunts got it right straight away and so did my cousins. Even my 91yr old grandmother gets it right (though she hilarious refers to my male fiancé as my 'friend'). I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a fairly quick changeover period if people are as supportive as they claim. After all, people adjust to women's newly married names practically overnight.
I came out to my parents as being trans* over the summer, and I'm still trying to get them to use the right pronouns. They use my male name... sometimes. I told them that they could call me Ash, since I'm keeping that in my middle name. I would say that as long as they are trying, cut them some slack. They have know you as being your birth sex for 15 years, so it's not going to be a change that happens overnight.
"After all, people adjust to women's newly married names practically overnight." See I considered that for a while, but outside of school I've never ever used a last name...does it come up very often for you?
In my role, yes. In other industries it would vary a lot, depending on what people do. Teachers, for example, generally go by last names.
